


Me, myself, and I

by RaeBlack42



Category: Naruto
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/F, Haruno Sakura Has Issues, Haruno Sakura-centric, My First Fanfic, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2020-12-31 14:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 81,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21147233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeBlack42/pseuds/RaeBlack42
Summary: The afterlife, reincarnation, possession, whatever. They all equaled the same thing: death was not the end. Death was... the next great adventure. I could've accepted that. I could've (with a little time and more than a little bit of swearing) accepted that my deadness wasn't actually death. But really? What the hell? I died a bipolar, not a schizophrenic!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, quick note:  
I write fanfic for fun, but I also use it to improve my writing. If y'all have any notes, suggestions, comments, or concerns on the story or how it's written, I implore all y'all to leave something for me- good or bad.  
I'm basically dead inside so there's no need to worry about offending me or hurting my feelings.  
Outside opinions are much valued and basically worshiped.  
Thanka!

I was well acquainted with the wonders of the human mind by the time I died. My mother had lived her life toeing the imaginary line her mind had devised between stability and sanity, doing her best to raise me and my brothers in the process. My father had spent his life poking at the depth of emotion, never really understanding it. Having inherited the imaginary line from my dearest mother, I spent most of my life pushing the limits of my understanding of how my mind worked. Books, research, news articles… I had even made up my mind that I would make a career of it. I promised myself that by the time I made it into the workforce, I would be the best psychiatrist that ever existed.

At this point I have no doubt that, given a little more time, I could've made it happen. I was always a rather indifferent soul in life. I never really had any passion for anything or any ambitions, so when I finally did manage to give a fuck about something, I was unstoppable.

But it seems I'm getting off topic. I did that in life too, even got a diagnosis of ADHD for it. The psychiatrist was kinda unsure about it at the time because I was originally in her office for Bipolar Disorder, but even a good 13 years later those four letters stayed on my medical chart. I'd hate to see what my chart looks like now. It's possible that it doesn't look like anything, maybe the doctors throw them out after you die, but I'm pretty sure it's still there. Given the sheer amount of paperwork I'd been forced to sign whilst still alive I refuse to believe that it could thrown out so _easily._

But the point is that I'm dead.

Well, that's not the _entire _point, but that hornets' nest is still being poked at. Thoroughly. With pain. And suffering. What I mean to say is that I'm supposed to be dead. Once a six ton semi truck hits a 150 pound you, there isn't much room for debate. In fact, there isn't any room at all.

_Dead on impact._ I bet you anything that phrase is scrawled across my medical chart in some sort of morbid sharpie font. Maybe red pen. That would be pretty dramatic. Not as dramatic as how I must've looked when the EMS got there, but close enough for an undying evil piece of paper.

I wasn't afraid when it came... death that is. I was plenty afraid when the semi decided to say hello. In fact, I had no idea it was possible for the human body to pump so much adrenaline in such a small person at one time. Well… Ok, I did. There's a whole bunch of stuff written about it in psychology journals accompanied with awe-inspiring stories of determined mothers lifting cars off of terrified children. I suppose I meant that I had no idea what it meant to feel it happening. For a bookworm who never went outside unless bribed, that alone really could've killed me. (There's a whole bunch of stuff written about that too, it's called "shock") But that's besides the point.

I suppose I should be getting to that, huh? The entire point. I'm trying not to. Partially because having to say it outloud makes my entire intellectual person cringe, but mostly because it isn't possible. It's not that I don't get it. Even a non-religious person like myself has encountered far to many theories about the afterlife (mostly by proxy). Heaven, hell, reincarnation, possession… whatever. It all equaled the same thing: dead was not dead. Death was something else. It was… the next great adventure.

I could've accepted that. I could have (with a little time and more than a bit of swearing) accepted that my deadness was not actually death. I mean, I was most certainly dead. (Hats off to the semi) And this was certainly not deadness... not that "death" ever had a concrete definition. I had always imagined death as an absence of life, so the feel of the hardwood floor under my feet and my clothes against my skin wasn't helping my denial.

So I _was _dead. Was. Yay me, poor me and all that. Sympathies all around. And now I'm not. Yay me, in-your-face nonbelievers and all that. Glorious. Now. Back to the point. The entire point. The one I don't want to say out loud. The one I've been running away from. The one I _am _running away from. Rambling and running and running and rambling.

I'm sorry. I blame the insanity. I'm insane. I gotta be. I mean, my brain wasn't exactly the best piece of work when I died, but goddamnit… I was bipolar not schizophrenic! I was prone to odd mood swings and hoards of depression and randomly deciding that someone needed to be hit and just being plain weird, but not this shit. As screwed up as it was, my reality was _perfectly intact_. A little fractured maybe, but seriously, what the fuck is this shit? What on earth did I do to deserve waking up in a delusion... like this? And, really, why her of all people? My brain couldn't have come up with something a little more me-friendly? I didn't even like Sakura Haruno growing up!

Screw my pride, I screamed.

Not the in-the-movies slasher film scream, not the dead-body-of-my-only-lover-sprawled-out-on-the-floor scream, not even the semi-truck-coming-at-me scream. It was the default what-the-fuck-what-is-this-where-am-I scream. Didn't even hesitate, didn't even have my eyes open all the way.

In all seriousness, I blame the pink. My body felt far too heavy and my head felt far too light to understand what was around me or where I was, and there was pink _everywhere._ It had been years since I had been around that much pink. I hadn't even touched the color until I hit my 20th birthday and had officially gone out of my rebel phase. Before that the only obsession I had was when I was 6 or so, and that was all Hello Kitty's fault.

I had never imagined something so simple as a color could feel so foreign. I could only see it partially through my lashes, half blurred in the effort to get my eyes open and clear my fuzzy head, but that didn't stop the feeling of how _wrong _this was… waking up to a pink ceiling. My body felt heavy. So, so, so heavy: as if someone tied up ropes to my limbs coming from hell and pulled. Something rang in my ears coming dangerously close to the sound of a semi's horn and metal on concrete and bone on pavement and there was all this _pink _and my body was so _heavy_ and my head was so _light_ and goddamnit I screamed.

No fucks given.

There was a moment where I couldn't tell the difference between me screaming at the semi _to please stop please _and me screaming at my (_not mine)_ incredibly pink ceiling. It felt as if I was standing instead of laying down, except that I wasn't lying down anymore because my body had sat up _and _screamed and I felt very, very disoriented. For a second or two the world around me just spun a bit. My arms had braced me into a semi-sitting position during my screeching fit, but I didn't know if they were going to stay there. Nothing seemed to be staying still. After a few more seconds the feeling settled, my head going along for the ride for which I was grateful. I didn't like the feeling of weightlessness it had or how hard it was to think. Unfortunately, the universe decided that the feeling had to go _somewhere _so now my body was light and shaking uncontrollably. Thank you universe. (Note: sarcasm) My arms didn't appreciate the gesture either.

While simultaneously trying to deny my heart's proposal to jump out of my chest and grant my lungs demand for more oxygen (and reassure myself that there was, in fact, no semi truck present in this little room I woke up in), I looked up. And down. And around. _And _behind.

"... You gotta be kidding me." I had never seen a room so pink before. Fuck pink, aside from a hard core goth, I never seen any room so _any _color before. _It was everywhere. _6 year old me and my Hello Kitty obsession had _nothing _on this. The walls were pink. The curtains were pink. The dresser was pink. _The fucking doorknob was pink._ Who on Earth needs a pink doorknob?

**Sakura liked pink.**

I was halfway into shaking my head to argue that that was really no excuse and no one really needed that much pink in their lives when I registered who had spoken and froze. The room I was in was obviously a bedroom: small, simply furnished, _horrendously pink_… not many places to hide. None at all really. It was just me in the Kitty Chamber (as I unconsciously decided to call it).

**You're not Sakura.**

The lightness in my limbs solidified, tensing the muscles. My eyes ran over every corner of the room. Small, simple, abandoned. The bed I was on was positioned in the corner of room, near a sliding window. I moved to lean over the bed to look through it (hoping that this was _not _what I thought it was) but I was interrupted.

**That isn't going to help you.**

Whatever movement I had stopped. "You have _got _to be kidding me." My resident voice didn't answer, but I still felt like she was a bit smug.

Sadly, disembodied (possibly psychotic) voices were not new to me. No, I _wasn't _schizophrenic, I was bipolar… just with psychotic tendencies. No one but the doctors cared about the fine print. And maybe the government, but whatever. The point is that this voice was not my voice and I didn't like it.

_Who are you?_

Even having lived with one for over 7 years, I could never get over how something/someone with no actual body could do the most body-like things like laugh and glare. And roll their eyes.

**That's the question, isn't it? Go look in the mirror.**

And sound so wholey and utterly _demanding_. I frowned at the wall in front of me not liking the thought. Her and my voice would've gotten along well. Erza was always telling me to do things.

**Any day now weirdo.**

Oh yeah. They would've gotten along _real _well. On reflex I made to obey, but stopped as soon as I started. I hadn't noticed it when I moved to the window… but… I held my hands in front of me, curling my fingers and flexing my wrists. They moved like they should've, but they were so _small. _Taking my eyes off my hands and moving towards my feet, I realized that it wasn't my hands that were small… I was. My whole body was small and dainty and _young._

_How old am I?_

Guessing ages was never my strong suit, but I couldn't have been more than 15. Were you supposed to de-age during death? I remembered only a little bit about the stuff spewed to me about reincarnation, but I was pretty sure you were supposed to start again at the _beginning _not at 15. My eyes strayed to the mirror across the room. First colors, now household items. Since when where such every day things so daunting?

**This is going to take forever… Look at your hair.**

Hair? My (small) hands instinctively moved to my head. It was longer than I had it before, but that was fine. I liked it long. It was soft too, well taken care off… I twisted a lock in my fingers bringing it up to my face wondering what was so important-

Pride be damned, I screamed again.

It was pink. My _fucking hair was __**pink. **_The lock I put in front of my face was Bubble. Gum. Pink.

_What the fuck is this?!_

I scrambled up from the bed to the daunting mirror missing my longer older limbs. These small ones were so awkward and flimsy. Like chicken legs. Thankfully, the room was small (as I've said) so there wasn't much distance to make. I was prepared to see anything in the Mirror of Doom (as it shall be named): myself as the new life Barbie, a pink sour patch kid, an awful humanoid version of Hello Kitty as punishment for abandoning her when I was 7 (sanity was gone at this point)... anything and everything but what I actually saw.

_No._

The unnamed Erza stand in started laughing evilly, another on of those human-like things that non-humans can do. I fell harder into denial.

_NO._

Of course I recognized who was staring back at me. I had to. There seemed to be a law of the universe stating that every emotionally challenged weirdo in the world had to encounter anime at _some _point in their life, and Naruto was really, really popular. (Even more so when I found out my older brother was into it and I could piss him off by following it to.) And this… this _person _staring back at me _that shouldn't be _was one of the main characters.

_ **NO.** _

The Erza stand in laughed some more. **Yep. **I could've sworn I heard the 'p' pop at the end, tilted with her mirth. **And my name's Inner, not "Erza stand in". Rude. **The disembodied voice frowned at me while I started pinching my cheeks and pulling at my hair. Light pain used to help my center myself when I felt out of my depth (the doctor made sure to give me a clear, detailed, and unbreakable definition of what constituted as "light pain"), but it didn't seem to be helping me much now. Maybe the theory wasn't applicable to delusions and hallucinations.

**You're not hallucinating.**

_Says the voice in my head._

I pulled at my hair again, wincing at the pain. Certainly _felt _real enough… My hands went down the rest of my body pinching and pulling along the way. It didn't feel any different than when I was alive other than the smallness. In fact, it all felt very, very real.

**I told you.**

I frowned at her, watching it happen in the mirror. _One of the main characteristics of a hallucination is that the patient believes it to be real. _My frown deepened. _It's actually a requirement for delusions._

**You're impossible.**

_Leave me alone to my denial._

With growing irritation I had to admit that Sakura was… pretty. Her eyes were greener than I remembered them being in the show, and her hair was admittedly less pink. (A blessing if I ever saw one) Her skin was kinda smooth… and pale. And flawless. I gave a small huff, watching her lips pull apart. They were fuller than the ones I had.

_My delusion is prettier than I was…_

Not that I ever gave much of a damn on how I looked before (I didn't even own any make-up), but it still hurt. The only thing I seemed to have going for my previous life was my bra-size and that didn't really help me Here (as my delusion will know be known).

**Will you stop that! You're not hallucinating!**

My (her?) eyes flickered from the mirror to the room to the bed I woke up in and back. Not a hallucination… right. Thankfully the human/non-human interaction went both ways, so I didn't have to voice my disbelief. Just like Er- **Inner! **Inner didn't have to voice her anger.

**Would you get a grip already?! We have the team selections this morning!**

The head in the mirror tilted to the side a bit, a habit I never really had the chance to get rid of. "Team selections?" Sakura's voice was higher than mine was. That would take some getting used to. Not that I talked a lot.

Part of me cringed at that thought. 'Getting used to' something implied that you've already accepted that it had occurred. If Momma was here to see me even _think _about accepting something as crazy as this, I would've been in the psychiatric hospital before I could say 'but'. The bigger part of me was trying to remember what the hell 'team selections' were. It had been awhile since I watched the show. All I got was a vague image of Naruto and Sasuke kissing.

**Y-you…! How dare you! Get that thought out of your head right now! Get it out of OUR head! Sasuke-kun would NEVER kiss that loser! We're the ones who'll get his first kiss! CHA!**

I stared blankly at the mirror. She stared back. Oh dear.

**Now get dressed! We finally passed the Academy exam, we are FINALLY shinobi, and this morning we are going to be on the same team as Sasuke-kun! Move it Sakura wannabe!**

I stared some more at the mirror. The little bitch staring back was being of _no _help with my psychotic voice. It was just me.

**I am not psychotic! And my name is Inner!**

Right. Of course it was. "Ah… Being a shinobi sounds like a lot of work… and suffering… do I have to go…?" Let it not be said that Here deprived me of my core personality. Just the thought of all the exercise that would be involved made me want to stay in the Kitty Chamber forever and ever. If memory serves me correctly, at some point a pervert makes Her (as Mrs. Bubblegum shall now be known) run up and down a tree all day.

**YES YOU HAVE TO GO!**

The non-human was yelling at me again and the Her was frustratingly absent. My room was pink, I was prettier than I was, flatter than I was, and was stuck in Here… with no way out. Well, no _instant _way out. Schizophrenics under delusions often come in and out of them on their own if they can, but otherwise they need outside help (hospitalization maybe) to get there. Not that I'm schizophrenic. Or was.

**R-right! So you can't go anywhere, so why not go to team selections? Play along? It'll be better than here. Sasuke-kun will be there!**

The look I gave the mirror was the one I gave my little brother when he said he wanted an Emu as a pet: amusement mixed with disbelief. For one, her argument sucked. For two, I can't really claim to be the psychology guru (give me a break, I died when I was 22 and it takes a lot of school to become a psychiatrist!) but 'playing along' with Here sounded like a horrible idea.

Though, on the other hand… My eyes swept across the Kitty Chamber trying to mentally calculate how long it would take for the pink to creep me out enough to cave. The estimation wasn't a very long number. My eyes went back to the mirror watching Her face twist into my half-lidded smile.

"Yeah…" It really was a horrible idea. "Why not?"

**YESSSSSSS! Let's go!**

I would come to regret this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three most dangerous phrases in the universe:  
1) Watch this  
2) Because I could  
3) Why not  
*not necessarily in that order...

I didn't even make it out the fucking door before I came to regret my decision. And regret it I did. With the burning fury of a thousand suns. I tried really hard not to groan. Erza was _never _like this.

**You can't wear that!**

I could _see_ Inner's look of disgust. Leave it to me to wake up with an actual girl for a non-existent companion... I'm never calling Inner "Erza" again. Honestly, I thought I looked fine.

**What do you mean you look fine?! **I could've painted her pinched face it was so clear. **Your shirt is red!**

It was. After agreeing to our newest adventure (dear lord… when did 'I' become 'we'? If Momma were to ever see this…) I set to the task of getting dressed. The thing was though… those odd little kimono dresses were pretty much the only thing Bubblegum owned. Not for nothing, but as a woman- _as a female _there was something cringe worthy about having two pieces of cloth dangle between your legs. I took one look at it and refused to even try it on. After digging around for a bit (or more than a bit… this girl had more clothes than was humanly necessary _and they were all the same_) I defaulted to a t-shirt and the greenish short thingies Bubblegum wore underneath the Flappy Dress. The t-shirt happened to be red, and apparently Inner had a problem with that.

**You don't even match! Sasuke-kun can't see us like this!**

I gave a small huff. Like I cared. Momma had 19 years to tackle the whole matching-your-clothes thing without any success and I highly doubted the screechy voice in my head would get anywhere anytime soon.

**My name is Inner!**

Looking myself over in the Mirror of Doom, I thought she was just being touchy. I honestly could've done worse. The shorts were darkish green and the shirt was an equally darkish red, so it wasn't too bad. No odd hues or anything. The sandals were a pleasant surprise. On the show they never struck me as comfortable (with all the unnecessary and slightly hazardous holes going on) but as it turns out these shoes were the most comfortable things I'd ever encountered. It made me sad I didn't have them in my previous life.

**You are not going out like that!**

I shot the Mirror of Doom an annoyed look only because I had nothing else to aim it at. Inner seemed to be really talented at yelling without an actual body to yell from, and that's all she ever seemed to do. Also, this _adventure was HER FUCKING __**IDEA**_.

_My hair is PINK woman, why does the color of my shirt matter so much to you? _Inner didn't provide me an answer so much as an indigent sputtering noise. If I was going to turn out to be the most eloquent of the two of us, I could see there being problems in the future. Inner was still sputtering. Offhandedly, I tilted my head at the Mirror. My hair was actually a lot longer than Before. Mid-back perhaps? I shook my head, feeling it dance across my shoulders. I liked the feeling but the length would probably start to bother me at some point. Better tie it up.

**Sasuke-kun can't see us like this! **Aaaaannnd she was back. Yay me.

I made a humming noise in response, not really listening. I could tell Sasuke was going to be a popular subject with her and had no idea how to feel about that. While she waxed poetic about how "cool" and "amazing" Sasuke-kun was, I tried to imagine how she was going to react about finding out I was a lesbian Before.

A grin slid onto my face. I was suddenly much more ok with this adventure.

Once my hair was up and all my things were gathered (keys, pointy objects, money, methods of murder) my eyes strayed to the headband. My headband. The Konoha Headband. In my first life it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to understand that the emblem in the center was a leaf and not a slightly tilted bird head… looking at it in person didn't make it much clearer. Picking it up, I held it to my face. It _still _looked like a bird head. I huffed. Reality wasn't earning any points here. Or rather, reality wasn't earning any points Here. I wasn't sure which one sounded sadder.

**Are you listening to me Wannabe? **Inner screeched, pulling out of my (not) sulking. **We gotta go or we'll be late! We need to get a seat next to Sasuke-kun!**

Right. Because that was our priority after all: sitting next to 'Sasuke-kun'. I ducked my head to hide my smile. The poor little voice gave me a game and didn't even know it. I almost pitied her. I opened the door slinging the headband across my neck. I was surprised at how it sat there. It felt heavy for a slim piece of metal and a bit of cloth. I paused. Far heavier than it I imagined. It was for a moment that I remembered what a shinobi _was_ and what they were meant to be. That moment held me in the doorway, halfway in, halfway out.

_I'm not Sakura._

My hands tightened on the doorframe, my earlier mood gone. Would I be expected to be Her? This was her body. It was her hands on the doorframe. Would everyone around me expect me to know the things she knew, and act like she acted? This was a kid's anime (as far as I knew), but it was a kid's anime about a militaristic society who trained their soldiers young. How much was real and how much was pretend? Even in Here… if I acted too oddly, would they chain me up? Would they think I was an enemy? Even if I was crazy and this wasn't real, it _felt _real. If I got hurt Here it would hurt.

Inner had gone quiet too. Her mood mirrored mine. **You never cared about pain. **It was the quietest thing she'd ever said.

And it was true. I had never really cared about pain. I never cared much about anything really. But I also never did anything to _cause _me pain.

**So... why not? **She sounded unsure.

My hands relaxed against the doorframe. Here was such an odd place, melting in between something far too real and something beyond impossible. My senses felt jumbled. I was hearing sounds I remember having read: the birds chirping across the side of the manga column, the hush of the trees strewn on what was meant to be the top of the page. The world in front of me felt off.

_It wasn't real._

But did that matter? I had first hand experience with that particular blurry line. The wonders of the human brain were not always so wonderful and the organ was more than just a little capable of making its own reality. Did it ever matter whether this was real or not?

My foot crossed the threshold. That still wasn't a good reason to go. Even if I were to allow Here any sort of relevance, that was no reason to play along to a story I barely remembered. Not a good enough reason to step out of the door.

I felt my lips turning upward and a bit of laughter bubble up in my chest. I could feel my body moving. I could feel the decision being made as if it weren't me deciding. I was really doing this, wasn't I? Playing along. I laughed. And for what?

_Why not?_

One of the most dangerous phrases in existence in my opinion… right alongside "watch this" and "because I could". Inner grinned at me in my subconscious, no longer unsure. I laughed harder, feeling it settle in my chest as harsh breaths. I _was _doing this, wasn't I?

Shutting the door behind me, I turned to the village that was (for the moment) my reality. It was larger than life, far larger than a mere graphic novel could depict. The trees towered over me in the distance, still swaying. The Hokage Mountain could've easily dwarfed the most extravagant performing arts center I had ever encountered in my previous life. The people that walked past me were just as real- _just __as present _as my brothers were Before. I was just as real.

**I kept telling you you weren't hallucinating.** Inner said smugly.

I pointedly ignored that comment, grinning like a lunatic. It was really hard to take seriously when it came from a voice in your head, even harder to ignore when you stood where I did. Lord help me if I ever started to believe.

Inner tsked. **I thought you weren't religious?**

_I'm not… but the phrase does have its uses._ Like appealing to something bigger than you when faced something WAY above your paygrade. Times like this.

She rolled her eyes at me. **Whatever Wannabe.** A grin stretched across her (not) face.** Now let's go!**

My eyes stayed glued to Hokage Mountain as I laughed again. Yeah… because _why not._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Universe is petty and Ino has pretty hair.

This. This was why not.

I had come to understand the universe as a petty and bitchy little thing in my previous life, and there was no question as to whether or not that had changed Here. I was stupid enough to challenge it, and it was stubborn enough to answer not even halfway to the Academy.

"Hey Forehead!" Someone yelled behind me.

Turning my head I made a mental note to add those two words to my list of dangerous phrases. I had a feeling I'd be seeing them again. Inner instantly stood at attention in the back of my mind with the girl's approach.

"Ah… Ino." I said softly. I was glad to have remembered her name… names were never really my strong suit Before. Though my remembering of her name may or may not have been because she had gorgeous long hair. I liked long hair.

**Her hair is not gorgeous! **Inner screeched, pinching her face in anger. My head tilted on reflex. If she could hear my thoughts so clearly, my game would be a lot shorter than I thought. **And ours is better! CHA!**

Ino stopped in front of me, her expression challenging. Right… I remembered. Ino and Sakura had this rival thing going on for Sasuke. Something about true love and all that. I wondered how she would take my stance on the issue. I smiled at bit at the image I got.

**What the hell Wannabe!? Get that out of our head!**

"Well lookie here. Seems like they're letting anyone graduate the Academy these days if they let your forehead pass through the door." She drawled, bringing her hands to her hips. My eyes strayed a bit. She had rather nice ones. "Going to team selections?"

My eyes went to hers again, head still tilted. "Yeah."

She drew back some, obviously not expecting the response she got. If I remembered correctly, Sakura was one of the more passionate characters in Naruto… she had more fire in her than I did.

Inner snorted, already over her previous disgust. _**Everyone **_**has more fire in them than you do. Even Shikamaru. **I wasn't sure how I was supposed to take that.

"Well," she said in finality, bringing her hands to her hips in her previous stance, "I am not going to lose to you Forehead." She glared at me for a moment, probably not liking the lack of response I was giving her. Playing along or no, fire really wasn't my thing unless I was in the middle of a mood swing. Besides, this was _way _more fun. Making a frustrated sound in the back of her throat, she leaned over me until we were inches apart, poking her finger in my chest. "And I'm not letting you have Sasuke-kun either." I could feel her breath on my face.

"Sure." _Dude, you can have him. _"Want to walk the rest of the way together?" I wondered if she'd let me braid her hair when we got there. She had so _much _of it and it was _oh_ so pretty.

Ino veered back, gaping at me in surprise. Inner tripped over herself in a series of sputtering gasps, choking on air that wasn't even hers. It seems that my game was over… pity… I would've loved for it to last a little bit longer.

**Y-yo-you're a… a… you- I mean you- you like…? **

"Forehead…" Ino's aggressive stance melted. She looked at me in concern. "Are you feeling ok?"

"I feel fine. Do you not want to?" I looked up between my lashes watching her carefully. She was the first one I had met so far that knew Bubblegum well. I needed to know how willing she would accept the behavioural changes and if they would start ringing any warning bells. You know, the enemy-in-disguise kind of warning bells.

Her face tightened. Not generally a good sign. I waited passively as she fought for the right words, trying to remember to breath. It never mattered anyways. This was my adventure. My decision. It would be ok. Her mouth opened, her spine tightened. Here we go.

"Your just trying to fool me into letting my guard down so you can have Sasuke-kun, aren't you?!" Her face screamed 'fight me'. Mine must've said 'kill me'.

_Oh for the LOVE OF GOD. _I wasn't doing this for my entire time Here. I refuse. The manga never showed it, but Bubblegum and Ino lived a _few blocks _from each other. I wasn't even a few streets away from my house when she called my name. If I had to deal with this shit every time I walked out my front door, I was going to kill myself. _Again. _

Inner caught on to my train of thought. **Wannabe what are you-** Without hesitation, I reached up: grabbing Inos face with my hands and pulling her towards me so our eyes were not even an inch apart. Her body jerked at the unexpected movement, but I was stronger than her so she couldn't pull away. For a moment I just stared. Her eyes were a pretty shade of blue. **Wannabe I swear- **"Ino," My voice was soft and calm and cold and _hard_. I was not doing this. Her body stiffened under my fingertips in fear. I didn't want to scare her, but I did want to message to come across clear. **Don't you fucking dare-! **I ignored Inner. She could groan all she wanted. I was in charge here. I locked eyes with Ino silently conveying my seriousness. "You can have him."

**YOU FUCKING B-** I tuned Inner out. "Eh?" Ino froze completely. She didn't even move when I removed my hands from her face (not that I was complaining, she really did have pretty eyes) or when I poked her shoulder. My head tilted.

_Did I… break her?_

I frowned in concern, ignoring whatever insults Inner was throwing at me. She hadn't stopped since I "gave up her precious Sasuke-kun" to the "livestock bleach blond" (her words, not mine). I waved a hand in Ino's face. "Ah… Ino?"

Still frozen. My eyes flickered to the sun. In some hail mary testament of faith, all of Bubblegum's knowledge became my own when I woke up (which was how I even knew what direction I was supposed to be going in for the Academy). Some things were expected (i.e. history of Kohona, how to throw pointy objects), some were a bit disturbing (i.e. way way _way _too much info on one Sasuke Uchiha), and some were a bit odd but surprisingly helpful… like telling time by the position of the sun. We were going to be late.

My eyes flickered back to Ino. It didn't look like she was going to move anytime soon. For a moment I considered leaving here there, but it was my fault she wasn't moving and I was always the type to clean up my own messes. So gently, very very gently, I held onto her sides and started pushing her towards the direction of the Academy. It worked for all of two seconds before she came to a dead stop. I instantly let go, taking note of how rigid she was. One step back. Wait.

I watched her posture noting any changes. Shoulders moved back, spine slightly upward, back slightly loosened. She had relaxed. "You…" Her voice wavered. I waited. "You mean it?"

Her body half turned, watching me in her periphery. I nodded, watching her relax more. "I do not say things I do not mean."

The tension completely vanished from her and she threw me a smile. A tentative one, true, but I would take what I could get. I would take absolutely anything over the Sasuke-God preaching. She turned fully. "Well then we best be going then, because today's the day I'll win Sasuke's heart!" Her body stood with confidence and her voice was bright and light, but I understood this for what it was. A test.

"I suggest hurrying a bit, then. We're almost late." I said.

She gasped, her head whipping to the sun's direction. "Shit! Your right!" Her arm whipped out catching my own in a hard tug. While I was stronger than her, it seems she was faster. That would have to fixed. She started tugging. "Why didn't you tell me earlier Forehead?!"

I went along slightly huffing. This place was making it hard to keep my usual indifference. Everyone Here was so _lively_. "I tried to get you moving, but you stopped." I may have sounded annoyed. Maybe.

"That isn't my fault!" She screeched, tugging harder. We were running at this point. _I never said it was. _"Your the one that spang that on me!" My legs burned. Why the fuck did I agree to this again? _It was for my own self preservation_.

Speaking of self preservation, I was going to have to get better at running _and fast_. By the time we reached the Academy doors I was heaving for breath. I didn't want to imagine how I'd hold up to actual people chasing me. Thankfully for my pride (what little there was) Ino was huffing just as bad. It made for a sight to see her scramble through the classroom doors and plow her way to "her Sasuke-kun" while still gasping for breath.

It was then that Inner came back to life. **Go sit next to Sasuke-kun. **

I tsked. Such a demanding little thing. _No. _I moved to the nearest seat in the back row silently sitting down, a move I had perfected in my previous life. It seems the pink hair hadn't hurt that skill any. That was good.

**Wannabe-** I blocked Inner voice out mid sentence, another skill I learned in my previous life. _It seems I owe Erza a thank you if I ever hear from her again. Many many thank yous. _

Setting my arms on the desk, I sunk down and watched Ino fight with the other girls over the seat next to Sasuke. With a frown and a stab of disappointment, I realized I forgot to ask Ino if I could braid her hair. I sighed unhappily.

"Aw man…"


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distractions are deadly.

Once again, I was painfully reminded why those four little letters stayed on my medical chart. It was so easy to get distracted Here, to get caught up in the moment, that I didn't give my attention much thought. With all these new things to see and only a jumble of senses to work with, I hadn't tried to force myself to pay attention like I did Before. I hadn't forced myself to look at the world slowly. I didn't even try to slow down.

Part of me thought I'd earned it. For all this stupidly insane situation was, it was a lot to process. If the sounds were off because I knew them as words, then the people might as well have been aliens. There was just something about a face that didn't translate from pictures. Everyone around me felt both old and new; both known and completely foreign at the same time. As far as attention span goes, I thought it really wasn't that much of a priority.

The other half of me knew better. That was the part of me that had always forced myself to slow down, take a deep breath, and _look_ at what was happening. That was the one to tell me to shut up, _sit _down, and _fucking pay attention_. That was the one that thought I truly and utterly deserved this.

"Your sensei will be Kakashi Hatake."

I had gotten distracted.

My head hung haphazardly above my arms as I looked down at the teacher that was supposed to be Iruka. The man at the front of the class held a sort of ruggedness about him that never translated into the manga, one that said he was (teacher or no teacher) a shinobi. He still had kind eyes though, and he still wore the same outfit I (semi) remembered. I think the main difference was the scar… how the animators in Naruto managed to make it look so _painless _was beyond me. The one he held now was enough to make a strong man cringe.

But that wasn't the point.

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto jumped up from his seat. He translated pretty well: his hair was still bright and pale, his demeanor was still bubbly and impulsive, his face was still young and innocent… In my previous world he would've made an amazing boy scout. Here he made for a not very convincing ninja. The orange jumpsuit was worse in person. His voice was even louder. Not the most helpful attributes when trying to be an assassin of the night. "Why does a great shinobi like _me _have to on a team with a slug like _Sasuke_?"

I went conveniently unmentioned.

Inner groaned loudly in the background. I had unblocked her at some point during the team announcements, right after she promised to be a bit quieter. I didn't hold much hope for that promise, but I was glad I didn't have to expend the energy to keep the block up anymore. **Of course he didn't mention us. **She commented. I blinked at the word "us" but let her continue. **He has, like, the biggest crush on us. He's probably really happy we're on a team together.**

I blinked again, my eyes on his back. I'd never had someone have a crush on me before.

"The teams are built to balance each other out Naruto." Iruka explained, his eye twitching once or twice. "Sasuke and Sakura got the highest scores on the final exam, and since you got the _lowest _scores," I could see Naruto flinch slightly "you were put on a team together."

"B-but…"

Iruka's twitching became more methodical. "Sit down you idiot!"

Naruto turned to look at Sasuke. He translated just as well as Naruto did, only he didn't seem like such a badass. His youth was more apparent Here and it was _really _hard to view a twelve year old as a badass.

**That's because you're old.**

I ignored that comment.

"Don't get in my way… loser." Sasuke hummed, turning away from Naruto. He shifted his weight to his hands on the desk, holding his head on top of them. If Sasuke wanted to make it any more obvious of how irrelevant he saw Naruto, he was going to need a literal sign.

Naruto immediately bristled, ready to yell again.

I watched them both carefully from my perch in the back row. _This… _I thought with a growing feeling of doom, _was not going to go over very well. _Naruto and Sasuke were very very different people with even stronger contrasting personalities. Even I could see that. Even more so, Sasuke seemed to have a talent for goading people on and Naruto seemed to just _live _to take the bait. That didn't strike me as a good pick for associates- let alone teammates.

Inner hissed. **It's not just them you know, Wannabe. We're on this team too!**

My head fell back into my arms with a groan.

_You say that like it's a good thing…_

I suppose it could've been a good thing. Personality-wise, I was a good fit for the heathens. I didn't really get angry and I was pretty patient (most of the time). I could (theoretically) reign Naruto in. And since Sasuke wasn't my type and I _really _wasn't that impressed with him, I could (maybe) keep him down to Earth. My skill set wasn't that big (it was actually really tiny, how did Bubblegum get anywhere with this thing?) so it wasn't very picky. I could, perhaps, mesh well enough with my teammates to make it work.

But that wasn't the point.

I peeked around the top of my fingers to my two teammates. At that moment they were both glaring at each other (or in Sasuke's case I'm-too-cool-to-glare grimacing) too obsessively to pay me any attention. I would've preferred for it to stay like that forever, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. We were on a team now. We were a package deal. I wouldn't be ignored.

My eyes strayed to Naruto.

I had gotten distracted again. I got so caught up in my new reality that I forgot to take a step back and watch it unfold. I was too immersed to slow down. I didn't pay attention.

I looked at Sasuke.

I had forgotten who I was Here. I forgot who She was meant to be. Sakura Haruno was more than just a character. She was one of _the _characters. She was one of the starting lineup.

I closed my eyes.

But she wasn't Here. For all intents and purposes, I was Sakura Haruno. I had her body and her voice. I had her knowledge. I had her chakra. I woke up in her room and dressed with her clothes. I had her friends… I had her team.

My eyes opened again, training in on Naruto. I gripped my arms more tightly. I had gotten distracted again. A cold feeling built itself inside me, like ice crawling through my veins. My eyes narrowed. I had forgotten that I was on a team with the main character.


	5. Chapter 5

**So… **Inner's voice may have wavered just a teensy tiny bit from her disbelief and sheer rage. **Main character, huh?**

I was too busy gasping for air to respond. Pushing my back against the doorframe I was leaning on, I cursed this world with every god I knew of for its livelihood. In my previous life, if you wanted to know how a girl felt about you, you bribed your closest friend to ask. If you were a bit brave, you wrote a letter. If you were a badass, you just outwrite asked. You did _not _use some odd, socially acceptable magic to disguise yourself as the girl's publically known crush and _flirt with her._

"That," I huffed, not caring that I was saying it outloud, "Was just wrong."

I should've just stayed in the classroom. I did toy with the idea when Iruka released us for lunch, but the focused (or in Ino's case warpath) looks I was getting convinced me that I hadn't gotten enough sun today. I had also apparently forgotten to _pack _a lunch, but I wasn't too worried about it. There was probably food at home. Probably.

So I went outside. As far as "outside" goes, it was pretty nice. It was really pretty outside and it wasn't too hot. The trees were in the process of blooming so I had a fun time watching the leaves and the occasional petal fall down in the wind. There was even a bench across from a really big one that I could sit on.

It was the people outside that were the problem.

When I heard Sasuke call my name (her name… whatever) I was a little skeptical (because what intelligent person willingly associates with someone who -did- stalk them) but willing to give him a shot. I mean, for all the amount of mood swings I played with Before, I thought even too-cool-for-twelve Sasuke was entitled to one or two. And then he smiled and I was like, _What the fuck? _And was no longer skeptical. I was suspicious.

And then he spoke.

If there was ever a fastest way to have my entire being go _mayday mayday abort__** mission ABORT MISSION**_ it was to have a Sasuke Uchiha look-alike say he wanted to kiss my forehead.

Not even going to lie… I paled and bolted as fast as her _stupidly non athletic _body would allow. No words, no explanation, no response. Just abort mission.

Getting my breathing under control, I pushed myself up from the frame peeking in the doorway. The classroom was completely abandoned. No people, no teachers, no heart attack inducing twelve year olds. I sighed. _I should've just stayed in the classroom._

**That's not the point right now Wannabe! How dare he! **Inner growled. Picking a seat in the back corner again, I gave her the floor. It seemed like the safest option. **To henge like Sasuke-kun and do THAT! I'll kill him for this!**

I hummed in agreement. Not that I had any want or need to kill the little blonde, but I could've done without the cringe worthy Sasuke double. Just the thought of his sorta-seductive smile alone made me nauseous.

**Did he actually think we'd fall for that?! **She continued, not paying any attention to me. It seemed dearest Inner was on a rant.

I laid my head in my arms again deciding not to try and comment. It didn't look like it was going to get me anywhere. With a sigh, I realized that while Inner's rage rant wasn't aimed for any distinct purpose (let alone accuracy) she was incorrect. We did, in fact, fall for the Henge. While I wasn't really sure about his mental state… I had thought that it was Sasuke.

Closing my eyes, I could see the textbook in front of me explaining what a henge was and how it worked. It was basically a coat of sorts, one you could put over yourself and redesign to make it look how you wanted. The coat had to be put on snuggly, so you couldn't use the jutsu if you couldn't keep your chakra close. It also didn't work if you couldn't move the pieces around carefully enough to make the design you were going for. Breaking it went one of two ways: you could maneuver your opponent until they lacked the control to sustain the jutsu or you could disrupt the jutsu itself using a burst of chakra in between the pieces.

I opened my eyes, offhandedly noting that the other students were coming in again. Sakura had a lot of theoretical knowledge at her fingertips but none of it had any practical backing. She had the entire curriculum memorized _word for word _but she was unable to recognize when those words were right in front of her. That would have to change too.

**There he is! **Inner shouted. I pulled myself out of my musings to look where the non-human pointed. Coming through the door was the little blonde himself looking a little sick. His legs were a bit unsteady and his skin was a little paler than before. From my back corner perch I looked him over carefully for any outward signs of injury, but I didn't see any. Maybe he was just getting sick. With a slight frown I also noticed some of the mannerisms that the Sasuke double had showed: right foot over left, weight favored to the right side of the body. If I couldn't recognize a Henge at the moment, then I was going to have to be very familiar with the people around me until I could. **Go kill him Wannabe! Make him feel sorry!**

Naruto looked up at that moment, his eyes meeting mine. He instantly flushed. I watched him war with himself for a minute, trying to decide between taking the plunge and dying of embarrassment. Ino was off to the side snickering, obviously still ticked off with me for getting the same team as Sasuke. It seems like I was going to have to re-enforce my earlier declaration at some point. Sasuke was in the front blatantly ignoring me. I was starting to appreciate that aspect of him.

_Mmmm… no._

**No?! What do mean "no"! Why not?!**

_Don't feel like it. _Inner sputtered. I had already ran twice this morning. I was good.

Drawing himself up, Naruto chose option A and made his way over to me. I was a bit concerned for a moment because it looked like he _was_ going to fall over. He didn't, just wobbled slightly on the third row, but the concern didn't vanish. As he finally approached me, I made a mental note to watch for anymore symptoms of illness while I was around him, just in case. He didn't strike me as the type to _willingly _go to the doctor.

"Hey Sakura-chan!" Naruto grinned at me, scratching his cheek. His face was still a little pale, but he seemed to be doing alright in terms of energy. If anything, he was practically vibrating with it. "Since we're on the same team, can I sit with you?"

His expression was bright and hopeful, his voice was bubbly and carefree, but his body was set like stone. Completely and utterly resigned. This was a game he knew well, even though he refused to give up playing. I could see his past attempts in the back of my mind: he would ask, Sakura would say no, and then in some form or fashion, insult him. The rest of the class too, knew the game and were watching us carefully. They liked to see Naruto get hurt.

I felt a familiar fire fill my chest. Well fuck them. Fuck them and their game and their need to see such a happy person get hurt. Fuck this _obsessive pink haired bubblegum_ _**bitch **_for giving them a show. If they had nothing else better to do with their lives then _fine. _Have a ball. But I wasn't going to hurt him. I wasn't going to hurt him to make them happy.

I smiled up at him, not missing how he tensed. If I ever encountered the original Bubblegum, I was going to kill her. I was going to string her up by the sheer amount of clothes she owned and drown her in the vast ocean of pink paint _she had to have __**somewhere. **_She would scream. She would beg. I would make her beg the same amount of times she's made Naruto cry, and then… I'd tell her no. And I'd tell her that Ino would've lasted longer. And then I'd kill her.

**Uh… Wa…nnabe…?**

I ignored her. "Sure." I answered, calming at the grin that spread across his face. "How was your lunch? Are you excited to be a shinobi now?"

Naruto practically exploded with happiness, plopping down beside me. The entire room fell silent. I met the eyes of every single person in the room as Naruto stumbled over himself practically racing to tell me all about how he beat Sasuke during lunch, daring them to speak. No one did.

_Inner?_

The non-human stiffened in fear. **Y-Yeah?**

The smile that curled on my lips may or may have not been purely sadistic. _I think I found a new game._


	6. Chapter 6

The classroom was cast in absolute silence even though it wasn't empty. Iruka had already gone home saying that he needed to go do some paperwork or another, and all of the other teams had already been picked up by their respective fictional character. As the only occupants in (what might've been) the entire fucking building, my team and I had fallen into what might have been called an _absolute silence_. Naruto had ran out of things to talk about an hour ago, much to his dismay (but not mine… Jesus that boy could go on). Sasuke, who had firmly stayed in his section of the classroom the entire time, didn't even attempt to contribute to conversation. He didn't do anything really other than peek up at me once or twice with an expression of borderline confusion. I, and all the wisdom I may or may not encompass, encouraged the silence we had going for us and kept my sorry mouth _shut_. So yes, silence and peace. As far as unspoken plans went, it was going pretty well for us- all things considered. Or rather: _one _thing considered.

Predictably, Naruto caved first.

"ARGH!" The table gave a small rattle as he jumped up, hands fisting his hair. It was quite a feat seeing as the table was a part of the chair which in turn was a _part of the fucking floor_. "Where is he?!" He shouted.

From beside him, I did my best to smother my own burning rage. _Yes… where indeed? _It wasn't like I had anywhere to be, but this was ridiculous. To quell my anger I formed a list in my head entitled "People to Make Suffer" and put Kakashi's name on top. Not that I would ever be in a position to make it happen, but the act of forming the list alone made me feel better. Fantasy was a powerful thing.

"Che, calm down dobe." Sasuke muttered from the corner, eyeing the door as if he wanted nothing more than to set it on fire the moment our _lovely _sensei came through. I made no comment. That was his fantasy.

Naruto turned on him, not understanding. "What do you mean 'calm down'?! We've been here for hours!" _Three hours, 27 minutes and 14 seconds actually… _I counted.

"All the other teams already got picked up, even Iruka-sensei went home!" He shouted, waving his hand at the door. Sasuke scowled… probably didn't need the reminder. Tearing his eyes from the door, he gave me an annoyed look. His eyes strayed to Naruto and then back to mine. The message was clear: fix-it. I promptly gave him a screw-you-Mr-Cool-we-HAVE-been-here-3-fucking-hours back. He blinked. I glared. He was was not amused and glared back harder. I gave zero fucks.

Naruto hadn't noticed our little battle and had made his way over to the front of the classroom. He gave Iruka's space a quick once-over, and then swiftly grabbed a dirty chalk eraser. I abandoned my game as soon as he neared the door.

"Ah… Naruto, what are you doing?" I asked. Dispassionate as I may be, I was a curious little fucker at heart, and well… sadly this was better than silence.

Naruto laughed as he pulled the door slightly apart. "This is what he gets for being late!" With a grace and efficiency that did _not _sit well with me, he maneuvered the eraser so it sat perfectly wedged between the two sliding doors at above average height.

"Ah… won't that get us into trouble…?" I asked tentatively. This man was supposed to be guarding our lives while we tried to figure out how to properly play soldier, intentionally angering him from the get-go didn't strike me as _smart_.

**Of course it isn't smart. It's **_**Naruto**_**. **Inner sniffed. _**We're **_**the smart ones. **

_Right… _I tried not to wince as Naruto flashed me a grin saying that maybe next time Sensei shouldn't have us wait so long. _How could I forget?_

Sasuke scoffed from the front, apparently committing to human interaction. "Like an elite Jonin would ever fall for a trick like _that_."

Naruto immediately bristled, but I cut him off before he could retort. Aggravating silence aside, I _was _enjoying the lack of bickering. We were really going to have to work with Sasuke on his people skills. And maybe get Naruto an Adderall or two on the way. "He is right Naruto… your trap is a bit _ah _simple for a Jonin," I said, grappling for a delicate way to describe Naruto's prank. Naruto deflated instantly like a punctured balloon. "But," I watched as he reinflated with just one word. If nothing else, the kid recovers quick. I turned to Sasuke "That doesn't mean it should be discredited."

Sasuke made a disbelieving sound in the back of his throat, shaking his head. When he looked back up at me I was glaring at him. For a second, he just stared at me with that same borderline look as earlier. Then he frowned, twisting his face into a scowl. "You _really_ think it would work?"

A challenge.

I held his eyes evenly, very aware of how much Naruto was watching. I didn't really think it was going to work. The trap was, in fact, an eraser wedged in a door frame, and our sensei was, in fact, an actual ninja. That wasn't the point. Before, if Sasuke had ever challenged Sakura, she would've folded instantly. Even further, there wouldn't have even been a challenge because she'd never pick a fight in the first place. And even if she did decide to pick a fight with Sasuke Uchiha of all people, Bubblegum wasn't important enough for the too-cool-for-twelve Sasuke to bother with so there'd be no challenge to meet. This moment, to both Sasuke and Naruto, was a sign that something had changed.

As my teammates, they would have to learn that I was not Sakura.

"I think that the most devastating plans begin as the most simple ones. And I believe the best place to attack the most powerful people is where they feel the most safe. As a foundation, Naruto's plan deserves some credit." I answered, choosing my words carefully. I did not need them fighting again.

Sasuke's eyes widened marginally. Naruto beamed up at me like a puppy, hopping up and down. "Thanks Sakura-chan!" Sasuke opened his mouth to say something (Naruto too) but stopped midway at the sounds of someone coming down the hall. It seemed our sensei had arrived.

**Hey Wannabe. **Inner said, pulling my attention from the door and my anxious teammates. **Do you actually think it's gonna work?**

I hummed turning my attention back. _No… not really._

A hand curled around the doorframe and pulled, a silver head coming alongside it. The door gave way. The eraser went unnoticed.

_But I've been wrong before._

PLOP!

Naruto burst out laughing with such force that he had to use Iruka's desk to help him stay upright. Sasuke gave a you-earned-that-smirk, stealthily hiding it behind his hands. I had to use every ounce of control I had to not groan.

The man in the doorway had silver hair (though it was now considerably more white because of the chalk) pale-ish skin (from what little I could see) and a tall frame. He wore what I was now assuming to be the standard I-know-what-I'm-doing-soldier uniform (vest, dark shirt, sandles, plain pants, enough weapons to arm a small militia) and a mask that covered half his face. His headband was tilted over his left eye and, in his hand, was a little orange book (that he was currently stuffing in his militia pouch).

_Fuck me._

This man was the pervert that was going to make Bubblegum run up and down trees all day at some point.

"Hmm… My first impression of you is…" His voice was low and drawled much like someone who make a girl run up trees for his enjoyment, "You're all idiots."

Naruto and Sasuke facefaulted. I scowled.

"Meet me on the roof."


	7. Chapter 7

_FUCK ME_.

This was it, I thought. This was the proof I needed. This is what made me absolutely certain I was, in fact, _not _in a death induced delusion made by my own inability to watch _where the fuck I was going_ but was, in fact, in Hell.

The stairs were one thing. If you ever wanted to know just how many it took to get to the roof of the acadamy, the answer is _far far far TOO MANY. _Like, seriously. For just a few floors up it was fucking ridiculous. My legs burned like a bitch. The fact that they burned even more because of my _oh so wonderful _teamates was just icing on the cake. Naruto and Sasuke were apparantly incapable of civility in _any_ capacity (something that was going to change whether they liked it or not), so their journey the entire way up was basically a combination of mutual hatred and heavy arrogance and childishness, chanelled into a Race. Up. The. Stairs.

Which _I _had to follow.

And, truly, that alone could have had me question a bit... but this? That combined with this? Oh yes. I knew _exactly _where I was.

_Momma was right: _I mourned _God **is** real._

From the depths of my mind Inner gave me a flat stare. **Calm down Wannabe, it's just introductions.**

I ignored her. Whether or not I curled closer to my corner like an aggravated cat at the word 'introductions' was irrelevant. Really.

It didn't help whatsoever that Inner was laughing like a hyena at a birthday party.

_Stupid voice... _I grumbled and sulked quietly. I hated social interaction. I hated talking to people to the very core of my being and I hated introducing myself to them even more. At this moment, I could and would rather do literally _anything _else if it meant I got to escape this torture.

Hell, I'd even run. I was that serious about it. And Inner, the extroverted psychotic voice from who-knows-where (**Hey!**) had the gall to laugh. Nevermind that _s__he _got to stay inside my head the entire time... lucky bitch.

From beside me Naruto gave me a concerned look. It could've been because I was curled against the stairs hugging my knees like I wanted to become one with the concrete, or because I had an air of absolute horror and resignation smothering everything near me (including him and Sasuke.... I could feel Mr. Cool eying me from his other side) screaming 'I'm doomed'. It could've been the vindictive frown that may or may have not covered my face promising absolute retribution for the vioce inside my head. Who knows?

Regardless of reason, I did my best to give him a small (read: _SMALL) _smile of reassurance. My effort was a rather pathetic one seeing as I wanted to die then and there (hard to believe I was worried about infiltration repercussions just this morning) but he seemed to buy it. He gave me a huge smile and everything (not that he had _stopped _smiling since I had sat down).

He had been so rediculously happy when I chose to sit next to him (something which I had every intention of punishing Bubblegum for, should I see her later) that I was pretty sure he'd still be grinning like a lovable idiot even if Hokage-sama came in at this moment and told him eating ramen was illegal.

Although, to be fair, I was happy about our arrangement too.

And _of course_ that happiness had everything to do with me purposefully pissing off Inner who had started pestering me to sit next to 'Sasuke-kun' the _minute _I stepped on the roof and absolutley _nothing _to do with the fact that it made me last for introductions (otherwise and most commonly known to me and my people as hell). _Really._

**Rigggghhht. You know you're an awful liar Wannabe. **Inner griped. **And an awful Outer. ****Why didn't you sit next to Sasuke-kun?!**

_Because I didn't want to. _I replied.

And I didn't. Me and Sasuke had this let's-ignore-each-other thing going on that was working out pretty well. He still side-eyed me a little too much for comfort (not that I could actually blame him for that, Bubblegum was infuriatingally pretty) but it was still something I didn't want to mess with.

It was almost relaxing.

When it came to picking seats, I figured sitting with him might've fucked up the mojo, so I went immediately to sit with Naruto. Doing so had earned me yet another look from too-cool-for-twelve Sasuke on the way there (whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, I had no clue) but he didn't say anything so I called it a win. In fact, looking over to the brooding baby, I thought he looked rather pleased at the perdicament.

_You're being dramatic._ I decided. He's_ happy with it._

**DRAMATIC?! **She screeched. **HAPPY??!!**

How someone/something with no body and therefore no _Iungs _could manage such a high pitch was beyond me, but I took at in stride. Tuning her out before she could properly get started was starting to become one of my many talents.

Resting my head against my arms, I used our awkward silence to give our lovely sensei a once over. And honestly, what I saw made me question my life a bit.

He stood infront of us, leaning against the railing like some kind of drill sargent (which I suppose in a way he was) that had too many shifts to be healthy. Sorta straight, sorta hunched, so very bored, and maybe too tired. Like me during an insomnia binge Before. He watched us with his one eye lazily, like we didn't matter much. Seeing as he was supposed to be our lifeline until we got the whole 'murder-child' thing figured out, his gaze didn't make me feel very good about my chances Here.

Not that they were the best in the first place.

I mentally frowned at that. Seeing as the Acadamy was located over a mile away from my house, you wouldn't think there'd be any shame in getting tired from running over there. The human body did have its limits after all. But, much to my dismay, I found that there was in fact something about me getting winded that made me feel utterly pathetic. Maybe it was because I'd been horribly sputtering next to such a lovely example of the female species? It was a good guess. Another idea could be that I apparently had some pride buried underneath all my don't-give-a-fuck (who knew?), and the disappointed expression Iruka gave us when we huffed into the classroom kinda ticked me off.

Could be.

Either way, if I was going to survive Here that would have to change. And if that was going to change... I suppressed a shutter at the thought.

Oh, yes. God was real and I was in Hell. It had been proven.

"Alrighty then," The could-be pervert drawled from his perch. "Why don't we get started?"

The drawl intrinsically irritated me.

He looked at each of us in turn sluggishly, as if begging someone to continue so he didn't have to talk anymore. On its own, it was something I could relate to and properly pity him for. Now if only he could stop looking at us like we were completely irrelevant and an entire waste of space, we'd be golden.

**Wannabe... **Inner groaned.

I didn't even try to respond to her. From the other end of our mismatched line, Sasuke blankly stared. Naruto figited at my side. "What are we supposed to say Sensei?" He asked.

From his other side Sasuke gave him an are-you-stupid look, which I found to be a little unfair. It wasn't the worst question he could've come up with. Naruto seemed to have a gift for procuring stupid questions and most undoubtedly could've pulled something even more ridiculous out of his ass, and there _were_ many ways to introduce one's self (most of them haunted my socially awkward nightmares).

From the railing, the possible pervert gave him the same expression.

_Rude._

**For real. We just met the guy! What gives him the right to be so judgy!?**

_Yes... _I thought, _what right indeed..._

I could feel my vindictiveness bubbling up from the depths of my empty, lifeless soul. Sensei and I probably weren't going to get along for awhile.

"Ah, you know... likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams. Stuff like that." He answered lazily.

I shifted on my claimed portion of staircase, getting a bit annoyed. He wasn't even going to try to act like he cared, was he? It's not like I expected him to or that he _had _to, but he could at least fake it. He was our sensei after all.

_Nevermind that out lives are in his hands and he may or may not force me up a fucking **tree**_.... I silently huffed.

I didn't like it.

I didn't like _him_.

**You're being a hypocrite, you know.**

_Bite me. _I seethed back.

It wasn't as if I was unaware that I was being a hypocrite. I totally was. And, yes, it might've been a little pre-mature and petty to judge the man so quickly and on the basis of nothing. But if there's anything living with a mood disorder teaches you, it's that the logistics of emotions make just about as much sense as relying on a two year old to pay your bills.

You don't ask _why; _what you do is you take the insanity and _fucking __run with it_. 

And besides, I was a petty person anyways. And if I was going to be true to myself and be _properly _petty in response to both my dislike of him and my own social misery, Mr. Military was going to have to join in on the fun.

**That makes NO sense.**

_Shhhh... Mama's working._

**........... 'Mama'?**

Looking at him from beneath my lashes, I half raised my hand. "Why don't you go first sensei? Show us how it's done." I asked, making sure to adopt the tone I used when I wanted to exploit my dotting father Before. Small, innocent, sweet...

And _no, _I did _not _feel any pleasure when I could've sworn I saw our fearless leader flinch.

**You're a sadist. **Inner deadpanned. 

_Did I not tell you to shush?_

"After all," I continued, in no way what-so-ever enjoying the suffering look he shot me when Naruto and Sasuke nodded along (_really_) "we don't know anything about you."

Mr. Military gave me a flat, tired stare. And I, innocent Ms. Bubblegum did not give a damn. Now was the time to be petty, Mr. Military. Now was the time to join.

From inside my head, Inner gaped.

**You're ** _ **nuts.** _

_Shush child,_ I scolded, _the __adults are talking._

**What the ** _ **fuck is wrong with you?** _

"Hmm... let's see... My name is Kakashi Hatake, I don't really feel like telling you my likes and dislikes... and don't really have anything like dreams... as for hobbies...? Hm... I have lots of hobbies..." He introduced.

Me and my boys (Oh dear. 'My boys'...?) shared a look.

_Walked right into that one... _I thought. Naruto looked like he was going to start banging his head against the concrete, which I might've joined if he started. Mr. Cool just looked done with the world.

**I don't like this one. **Inner grumbled. **Just what is he supposed to do for us anyways?**

_Now who's the hypocrite?_

**Just die already.**

_You first._

"Now, blondie. Your turn."

Naruto shot him a glare at the name.

**If he calls us Pinky we kill him.**

_Agreed._

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki!" Naruto started, getting over his annoyance and grinning like a lunatic. It was a miracle he didn't break his face in the effort. "I like ramen, Iruka-sensei, and Sakura-chan! My hobbies are sampling different types of ramen and training! I don't like the 3 minutes it takes to make ramen or Sasuke-teme! My dream is to be the greatest Hokage!! Then everybody will have to acknowledge me and treat me like I'm somebody!"

**Flawed logic.**

_He's twelve._

**You're old.**

I scowled into my arm. I wasn't old. 22 wasn't _old. _And I did _not _like how chummy Inner was getting with me.

**Cry me a river, Wannabe.**

"Alright... your turn Mr. Cool."

_Hey! That was my nickname for him!_

**Not anymore.**

_Would you just sit in the corner or something?_

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha." Sasuke began, staring in the distance like some kind of mid-movie production flashback. He looked ridiculous. Inner glared at me. "I have many dislikes, and don't like much of anything." He glanced at me briefly, which I ignored. Nope. Not doing that today. **Wannabe!!! **Inner screached in my head, enraged at my inaction. I ignored her too. It was one of my many talents. "My dream, which I _will _make a reality, is to restore my clan and kill... a certain someone."

The awkward atmosphere of the roof turned dark. Mr. Military looked more awake now (really? That's what we needed to get his attention? Death threats?) and Naruto started looking at Sasuke like he was going to jump him or something stupid like that. And me, being the wonderfully intelligent being that I am, ultimately decided that this was the time to blurt out the first thing that popped into my head.

"How're are you planning on doing that? You're _twelve_."

Oh the wonderous _joys_ of ADHD.

In perfect synchronization, all three heads snapped in my direction. I, in turn, shrunk into myself, cursing my decision to ever leave the Hello Kitty Chamber.

Fucking hell. Fucking hell _in _Hell.

_Inner? _I asked.

**Yeah?**

_Why am I so stupid?_

**Reasons. **She replied.

_Ah. _ _I see. Thank you._

**Anytime, Wannabe.**

I wanted to strangle her.

Speaking of strangling, Sasuke looked like he was having a hard time breathing. His face was stuck in what us normal just-as-cool-as-twelve-year-old-should-be people call 'surprise'. Not that he'd know. Kakashi too (except cooler because he was, in fact, older than twelve). With every set of eyes on me and a good 22 years of severe social anxiety and panic attacks under my belt, I wanted to die. Like, _literally die. S_crew the evil, unfairly-over-qualified enemy in my future- just put me out of my misery now. _Please_.

"That's a fairly good point Pinky," Kakashi said, regarding me and then Sasuke. I had half a mind to attempt suicide then and there. Dying once hadn't been so bad. "But one to address for another time. Your turn."

Right.

My turn.

I shrank further into the stairs.

_Kill_ _me nowkillmenowkiLLMENOWKILLME-_

"Ah..." I hummed, decidedly not looking at any of them (_especially_ Mr. Cool) and instead the ground. Such a lovely shade of concrete it was. "My name is Sakura Haruno..."

The name was easy enough, thank god. So far, so good. Likes now. Did I have any likes?

I pushed down the urge to be sick and continued. "I like... sunsets and watching the day fade... the smell after it rains._.._ and fireflies. I like those."

I was _so_ not looking at any of them. There wasn't a dead silence on the roof, nope nope nope.

"I dislike ah, exuberance and..."

Looks. I was getting looks.

I could feel them.

I would ignore them.

"the sound... of metal on metal... Ringing silence and the taste... and smell... of iron."

The sound of a semi's horn echoed through my ears. My chest clenched.

_I should really stop talking. _I thought numbley.

**You really, really should. **Inner agreed.

_No hobbies?_

**No hobbies.**

"I don't have any hobbies." I say. "My dream...?"

I trail off, not sure where to go with this one. I have no idea if I even _have _a dream. The only thing I was sure of was, that even if I did, it sure as hell _wasn't _going to be marrying Sasuke Uchiha.

Fuck. That.

**Just make up a goal and put us out of our misery already! **Inner hissed, no doubt hearing my train of thought.

Ha. She's miserable too.

**Wannabe!**

_Not sorry._

But it was a good idea, I thought amongst my growing panic attack. A goal. Something I didn't get to accomplish Before. Something I could work towards. Something to stop the horrid introduction and stop the stares and stop the misery and to just getthisoverwith-

"My dream is to live past the age 22." I blurt out.

There is silence.

I don't look at them. I don't look up. I don't acknowledge what _the fuck I just said _(what thhhe fuck did I just saaaay??) and I stubbornly keep my eyes trained on the ground like a _Master_.

Nevermind that there were lost civilizations with more sound than this roof. Or that the _cure to cancer _was put under less scrunity than what I was under right now (did they even have that Here?)

Nevermind that my heart was beating out of my chest like a funeral drum and my limbs shivered and shook (how was this not being acknowledged yet? Why haven't they said anything?) and I was _for sure_ going to start hyperventilating to the sound of my own mantra if _someone didn't start talking- _Fuck me, fuck Here, fuck this. Fuck me fuck Here fuck this. Fuck me fuckHerefuckthis-

"....... Well," Mr. Military drawled, dissipating some of my panic. I decidedly liked him a lot more now after feeling my lungs get back with the program. "you're certainly... an interesting bunch..." 

Scratch that last.

I hated him.

**Outer? **Inner asks hesitantly.

She could probably see the mess my head was, I thought dazedly. Oh wait! Hah! She _lived there!_ My retribution was complete~

_Yeah?_

**... Why... why are you like this?**

_Reasons._ I reply, still not looking up.

You know what? It really _was_ such a lovely shade of concrete. 


	8. Chapter 8

_Concrete. _I thought fuzzily, dancing somewhere in between hyperventilation and coherency. _ Concrete could work. _

Staring blearally at the sad stack of objects gracing Bubblegum’s horridly pink comforter, I turned the idea over in my head. On the one hand, it could work… it would maybe hurt, and maybe the execution of it wouldn’t be as smooth as the scenario that my sleep deprived brain was procuring, but there was a chance it would work. Maybe, I thought as I ripped another piece off the dress, I would wake up back home in a hospital. Maybe a medical one, maybe a mental one, but a hospital none the less. Or, I mused running the fabric over the grated metal, maybe I’d wake up as something or someone a little more me friendly? Maybe as Hinata? I always liked her. Although… on the other hand…

**I would… I would rather you didn’t kill us Wannabe… **Inner muttered in my hissing mind, shifting uneasily.

Tossing the easily ruined piece of cloth beside the Mirror of Doom, Sakura looked back at me blankly. She looked… like hell. Fuck, _ I _ looked like hell. Our silky pink locks were less in a ponytail than they were haphazardly wrapped up in a limp piece of string I had no memory of procuring. Our pretty pale skin looked like it was colored in by a toddler. Underneath glossy green eyes were bags, bags under bags _ under bags_, and honestly? For the first time that day (or what could be considered that day seeing as I hadn't actually _ slept yet_) I saw ME in the mirror: 22 years old, sleep deprived, and _ aware. _

_Leave it to me to unprettify someone so goddamned pretty…. _

"Right…" I hissed, no longer caring who could hear me, "Why waste the goddamn _ effort?!?_"

You see, somewhere in between running away from my teammates like a terminator-esque Jahova's Witness was nipping at my heels, _ literally tripping _ over m- her two scrawny little chicken legs with no breath in my lungs and fear running through my veins, and honest to god _ slamming _head-first into Bubblegum's (thankfully empty) home, I came to two realizations:

The first was that I had no idea what was happening anymore. Not in an existential way, mind you (like hell was I gonna touch _ that _hornet's nest, especially not now) but in a logistical sense. More specifically, I was completly lost in a you're-being-tested-tomorrow-you-fucking-idiot kind of sense.

Because today (and yes, it was today, because I was awake and yesterday had somehow turned into today when I wasn't looking) I had a test with Mr. Military. We were to do something, the team and I, and there was something about the thing we were being made to do that had _both _ of my boys (yes, even Mr. Cool) gaping at our sensei like a cold fish out of water. Now, what that _ was _ exactly- from the interesting factoid to the actual _ fucking TASK- _could have been literally anything because while Kakashi was giving out the details of said thing, I was too busy staring a concrete slab obsessively creating and revising escape plans and trying really hard to breathe. 

And it wasn't as if I didn't have _ any _ sort of clue: I could remember that it was a test and we were to present ourselves in the morning and we were (probably) to present ourselves to training ground seven. Seeing as I was now a willing (_willing… _ what the fuck was wrong with me…?) particapent of the murder child doctrine, I assumed that it would involve something murder child-ish.

So I- panic enthused and so fucking clueless- stumble into the Kitty Chamber to try an prepare for my questionable test (the one set for an undefined time in what I was only slightly sure was a designated place) like any _ normal _person would do if they were trying to gain some semblance of control in thier lives. I scramble to find Bubblegum's militia stash, and you want to know what I find after several hours of searching?

_ THIS. _

I wanted to throw the kunai in my hands out the window. Like, literally chuck it across the tree that sat beside it, across the sidewalk next to it, and into the window on the other side of the fence because the sound alone would be _ oh so _ satisfying. And as much as that action would help me emotionally, I (thanks to one _ very dead _pink-haired fictional character) couldn't afford it. 

Because. 

BECAUSE.

After scouring every corner of the Kitty Chamber and uncovering all kinds of horrors imaginable (there was a pair of boxers incased in a decorative box… just… just let that sink in for a second) I came to find out that Bubblegum's militia stash was, in fact, as follows: 10 rusted kunai I was convinced that Bubblegum had only touched once, 3 unopened packs of shuriken I found in the bottom drawer of her dresser by slicing my hand on the packaging, 2 spools of wire I found somewhere on her bookcase that I _ desperately _ hoped was shinobi standard, a basic medical kit she somehow managed to order in goda_mned fuckiNg PINK, _and what was in her weapons pouch. And that, thank whatever god that'd take the appreciation, was actually stocked and standardized-

BUT.

_ BUT. _

My hands were shaking uncontrollably. The soft lush powder that caked every corner of Bubblegum's weapons pouch was everywhere. It was on my hands, on my face, on the ripped up pieces of dresses that I unthinkably started using as some sort of cleaning cloth- whether they _ could _ be used as that, whether this was right or not, I didn't know I didn't _ know I didn't know anymore- _

It was probably blush. Maybe even eyeshadow? I didn't know anything about make-up. I didn't know anything about anything anymore. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know why I was doing it, I didn't know _ how _ I was going to survive on such a _ small little knife COVereD In POWder- WOUld NOT GET _ ** _CLEAN-_ **

** ** _ My hands… my hands were shaking too much- _

** _I DIDN'T KNOW-_ **

My head skipped and thudded.

Might've been my chest.

**Wannabe- Wannabe, you need to breathe-**

I wanted to laugh.

Wanted to cry.

_ Pain through my chest pain through my limbs- tumbling to my fingers- shaking, they're shaking too much- how do I breath again how do I- I can't remember can'tremembercan'tremembercan'tlisten- _

Inner was speaking and I couldn't hear her.

I could feel her. Could feel her panic. But I could only hear my throat catching, my chest heaving.

I could only see red.

_ There was red, more red more red more red, what did I do what have I DONE _-

  
  
  
And then I saw nothing at all.

  
  


The shaking of my hands became too much I realized later, as I used Bubblegum's med kit to wrap up more of my hand after pulling my shaking body off the floor. I wasn't a fan of the pink bandages that crossed against my palm, but it was better than red. I had apparently sliced myself again trying to put the cloth covered weapon down.

On my way out to training ground 7 (which I hoped was correct), I had to reassure Inner that I didn't do that often- you know… panic and pass out. I could tell she didn't believe me as I practically collapsed against one of the three logs impaling the ground in front of me, but I was too tired and strung out to try to defend myself further.

It was a rare thing for a panic attack to be so bad that I passed out. It's only ever happened to me twice. 

The first was from Before, when my best friend went to the bathroom after a particularly bad day, and never came back out again. Not alive at least. For the second to be because I realized while walking home that the Naruto world didn't have psychiatrics, and thus, didn't have psychiatric medication, then perhaps I should've revised my earlier thought.

I was lost in every way imaginable.

  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

Predictably, I lost the battle against my exhaustion within minutes (trees made for a much better aesthetic than the Kitty Chamber I found) and fell asleep against Vlad the Log. It was the one in the middle, and as thus, was intrinsically far more superior than the two standing (impaling) beside it, but it was also not the best place to sleep in. So when I woke up to a mixture of Naruto’s elated yelling and Inner’s borderline squealing, my first thought was, predictably, this: _ Ow. _

_Note to self: Vlad is bad. _

“Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouted from the other end of the field "You’re here!”

Trying to pull myself up without moaning pathetically (_my neeeeccckkkk…._), I shot my boys a small smile. After such a morning as I had, seeing someone as pretty and sunshiney as Naruto made me feel just slightly better. And if Naruto was followed by a slowly trudging Sasuke, who was for his part looking physically pained in his best attempt at ignoring the bouncing and flouncing orange clad ninja in front of him, well… who's to say that heathens such as myself couldn’t be blessed?

**Sasuke-kun! ** Inner squeaked from my throbbing skull. She had been fluttering back and forth between her worry for me and her indignation all morning (leaning more and more towards the latter the more I ignored her), so I was sorta happy she had something else to focus on. Regardless of _ my _ personal preference, of course. Apparently ‘gay’ couldn’t detear the psychotic. 

“Mornin’” I mumbled. I reached behind me to try and discreetly message the back of my cricked neck, but stopped moving as soon as a hollow pain shot down my shoulder. Panic attacks and bad bedmates made for painful mornings, as it would seem. I would have to break it off with Vlad.

**I’m sure he’ll be absolutely devastated. **Inner drawled, ignoring my gay comment. She was good at that.

The more my boys made their way over to me, the more I could see that today was probably going to be a long day. Not because of Naruto, mind you. Naruto (bless that little man) was just the same as yesterday: happy smile, horrendous orange jumpsuit, and the energy of a thousand men. Predictably, it was Sasuke that made a chill creep up my spine. He was wearing the same clothes as the day before (white shorts, navy top with a rediculious looking collar, arm warmers that I couldn’t fathom the purpose of seeing as Kohona was friggin _ hot, _ the holy comfortable sandles of murder children) but his face… was weird.

Taking in his expression as he stopped in front of me (in front of me? Fuck), Naruto shuffled over to my side, I had to fight the conclusion my sleep addled brain gave me: concern.

_Shit. _

Naruto too, my peripheral vision told me, had gone solemn and worried; he stood hunched over himself a few feet away from Mr. Cool, fidgeting like a bunny tossed in a potato sack. It was the quietest I had ever heard him in Bubblegum's memory.

_Double shit. _

"Ah… problem…?" I ask slowly, forcibly pushing down the various 'what if' scenarios that suddenly sprung to life in my mind. Inner was, for once, thankfully silent. 

Sasuke shifted uncomfortably, moving his weight from one foot to the other. “Why are you here so early?” He rumbled. It was such a deep voice for someone so young.

I blinked up at him slowly, scrambling my brain for reference. “Early?” I was so _ sure _Kakashi said 'morning' (I had apparently gotten the training ground right, three cheers for me)... 

“We were supposed to be here at 7.” Naruto chimed in, looking at me with an all too familiar expression. I was getting pretty tired of it. Inner's (non)face had been flashing it at me ever since I slammed my head against our front door last… night…?

My train of thought briefly skidded. That was right, right? Last night? Out of team intros by noon, revelations somewhere around noon-thirty… that would've put me at... after...noon? Was there such a thing as a ‘last afternoon’? Was that a word? (**Focus Wannabe) **Whoops… nevermind. So that, plus the search for murder weapons, coupled by my minor (**Minor…? **_MINOR.) _mental break down and the relative position of the sun put me about six… six… forty five?

“I take it it's not seven.” I guessed. 

Sasuke gave me a flat stare. “It’s 5:30”

_Ouch. _

I winced, rubbing my sandals against the grass. So perhaps I needed to practice more than just the physical aspects of being a shinobi? Wasn't that just an optimistic prospect...

“Oh…” I looked quickly at the ground, then at Naruto, my brain trying desperately to form a thought with the little sleep Vlad offered me. It was a familiar process: I was well accustomed to operating on very little sleep from Before. Although I could've made the argument that the concerned expression everyone around me seemed to be dotting was even _ more _familiar, so it didn't matter that much (sleepless logic was like that) but as it was I was exhausted. So it was only after what was probably a minute of worrying silence that my brain caught up. 

“Then… why are you two here?” I asked.

They shared a look.

My anxiety flared.

**They’re not yelling at each other. ** Inner stated dumbly. Distantly, somewhere between my chest tightening and telling myself to _ get a grip, _ I agreed, completely disturbed. Sasuke and Naruto _ never _got along, and to neither Bubblegum's nor my own memory have they actually ever agreed on something.

_Civility maybe? _I hoped.

Even as I thought it, I knew it wasn't that. That wasn't to say it was something _ bad _ (like me tied to a chair subjugated to magical torture kind of bad) but it was clear it wasn't anything good. And as thus, my brain- my lovely, completely idiotic brain- decided I was going to die. 

I honestly hoped my own mental state didn’t affect Inner much. It was one thing to wish retribution on the possibly psychotic voice in your head, it was another to drag some poor unsuspecting bystander through a mental illness they weren't born with. (_ Probably _ not born with, I silently amended. As it stood I had no idea what kind of mumbo jumbo Bubblegum brought to the table.)

“Uh, well…” Naruto squirmed, not looking me in the eye. He looked at anything and everything that _ wasn't _me; his eyes darting to the ground, to Vlad, then to Sasuke and then back. “We just…”

“We wanted to make sure you wouldn’t bail.” Sasuke interrupted harshly, shoving his hands further into his pockets and shifting again. “You ran away from us yesterday.”

I blinked at how direct he was. I could appreciate that in a man.

**Cha! SASUKE IS THE BEST!**

“Sasuke!” Naruto squawked, shoving him to the side and waving his hands frantically in front of me. The motion was dizzying. “It’s not like that Sakura-chan! I know you’d never bail on us!”

For the sole sake of my health I reached out and forced his hands to stop, not really thinking about the action. Between the waving, the new waves of anxiety rippling through me, and the _ orange _\- I was starting to get nauseous. I was pretty sure this didn’t happen in the show. And Naruto, poor, poor, sweet and oblivious Naruto, turned red and started stuttering. 

“B-but you didn’t look so good when we finished team introductions and were acting really weird-” He continued. He looked so scared to offend me, it was almost endearing. Now if only he wasn't inferring worrying future possibilities for me… 

Just what did Kohona _ do _ with possible spies, I wondered. I was pretty sure they were the nice village, but regardless of niceness or moral rhetoric they had to have _ something _ naughty up their sleeve. Everyone did. And undoubtedly should that situation ever arise, their first question was bound to be the one I had no idea how to answer: _ Where is Sakura? _

“-and you don’t…-” He went on, leaning toward me, his breath heating up my already flushed face. The air around me started to feel too thin, so I gently tried to push him back an inch or two. Off to the side, Sasuke's eyes narrowed. 

_Please get out of my personal space. _I mentally begged. Inside my mind, Inner wrung her non-existent hands.

**Wannabe… are you... going to pass out again?**

I judged the hot and cold waves shuttering over me and the coolness filling my lungs. 

_No. This is pretty standard. _I replied calmly. In turn she just looked at me with alarm.

As much as I'd like to claim that I was lying to make her feel better, this _ was _what constant anxiety felt like. Tight chests and trembling limbs running around a track engraved with racing thoughts. It wasn't an easy thing to deal with, but I'd had more than enough experience in carrying on my life despite this and no murder child hallucination was going to take that away from me. So slowly, ever so slowly with the determination that could make entire planets bow down, I started my exercises.

In, hold for three, out.

Repeat.

I had long ago promised to never break for anyone, and for neither hell nor high water would I ever allow that to includ myself.

“- look so good now…" Naruto finished. A...are you ok, Sakura-chan?” He asked.

The poor boy was looking at me like he couldn't understand what he was seeing, and it didn't take an expansive imagination to figure out what that was. 

He was seeing me. He was seeing everything Bubblegum had that I didn't, every skill she had that I couldn't pull off.

The normally infuriatingly pretty Bubblegum, prima goddess extraordinaire, did not look good. And I, the chaotic apathetic mess, was the reason why. Her bright green doe eyes had large bags underneath them because of my insomnia. Her silky rose-colored hair was scruffed and thrown into a haphazard bun because I didn’t know how to take care of long hair, despite how much I loved playing with it. Her pretty face was free of make up because I couldn't stomach to look at the stuff after seeing her weapons pouch, much less know how to apply it. Her clothes were whatever I could find in the tortured depths of the Hello Kitty Chamber (today it was those green short thingies and an undershirt, I realized looking down. I guess I didn’t get an actual shirt when I was running away from things I didn’t want to think about) and the hands that held Naruto’s worried ones, the hands that _were holding_ _Naruto's_, weren’t soft anymore. They were covered in make-up and oil, with the right one in specifically layered in poorly administered pink bandages. Mr. Cool’s scrutinizing gaze hadn't left it since he came to a stop in front of me. Naruto too, I noticed, was extra careful with it, cradling it like you would a baby duck. 

Meeting their eyes, I took a deep breath.

_Inner. What do I do? _

**You have to tell them something. **She said.

I looked between Naruto and Sasuke, coming to the same sad conclusion. Judging by their expressions and the fact that I wasn’t holding Naruto’s hands anymore- he was holding MINE (and just when did that happen?) -I wasn’t going to be able to evade giving them an explanation. What that explanation _ was, _however, I thought as my brain scrambled at the fascinating pace of freezing molasses for something understandable, relatable, and more importantly something that wouldn’t land me in T&I, was beyond me.

**Tell them you took up religion. **Inner suggested (un)helpfully. I muffled a hiss. Sasuke was starting to glare from his position beside Naruto, and all in all I was becoming completely over this situation.

_Religion? _I scoffed, avoiding Sasuke's eyes. They were unnaturally focused for a twelve year old, and not at all scary. They were, however, intrinsically aggravating and my first impulse anytime I met them was to take off my shoe and throw it at him. Not a good idea for team building, I guessed. _Are you fucking serious?_

**What?! People change for God!**

_Fuck God! _

Wasn't I just the most eloquent thing ever?

A silence stretched between me and my boys, taunt and tense, the longer my searching went on. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears, in my fingertips, in my toes. My train of thought felt more like a game of hopscotch on meth than anything else. It was a good thing for outside-of-the-box thinking but not so much for believable lies. 

**You could always tell them the truth. **Inner cut in saucily. I sent her a fake laugh. 

_Not a chance. _

**What? ** She asked **Don't think they'd believe you?**

_Would _ ** _you _ ** _ believe me? _

Her non-answer was all the answer I got back. 

"Sakura." Sasuke barked, pulling me back into the present and the hole the universe dug for me. I swear that was its hobby: throwing me into ridiculous situations and watching me flail. And oh, how I was flailing so _ spectacularly _ at this moment. I had nothing. Absolutely _ nothing. _ And it was at that moment, me with no ideas at hand and what was probably my life on the line, predictably, that is _ exactly _ when my ADHD decided to make its fabulous re-entrance. 

Hoo-fucking-_ray. _

“I’m gay.” I blurted, curling towards the grass. I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh or cry at what my life was nowadays. (Provided, of course, I acknowledged Here as my life. I just didn't know anymore.) Inner, however, had _ no _ problem isolating an emotion for my wonderous solution. 

**Wannabe! **Inner shrieked angrily. The volume was physically painful. **THAT ****_IS_** **_NOT_**** WHAT I MEANT!!!**

_I told you I was gay, woman… _I grumbled around my ringing ears.

**_NO YOU DIDN'T- YOU MADE A GAME OUT OF IT!!!_ **

I had to swallow a laugh. She wasn't wrong.

In front of me Naruto flinched back slightly, letting go of my hands and tilting his head in a way that vaguely resembled my own bad habit. I hoped I wasn't rubbing off on him. Beside him, Sasuke blinked repeatedly.

“...Gay?” He echoed. He looked like I gave into my impulse and smacked him in between the eyes. It was a wonderful look on him.

What was our previously tense and worried atmosphere retreated into something more awkward. My anxiety retreated with it, because, predictably, I was a _ master _at awkward.

_In for a penny, in for a pound. _I thought, tripping over myself to keep the explanation going.

Inner whined in despair. **You weren't even British! You've never held a pound in your life!**

I ignored her and nodded rapidly, sending an apologetic look to the less sunshiny blond in front of me. “Yes: gay. I am very, very, very gay and I have little crush on Ino so I acted like I liked you,” I said looking at Sasuke, who in turn blanched at me like I told him the secrets of the universe were held in Naruto's underpants “Because it infuriaited her and she looks really hot when she’s angry-”

“What.” Poor, innocent Sasuke looked traumatized. Inner looked even worse. Could non-existent bodies asphyxiate?

“And I was really mean to you," I plowed on looking at Naruto, because if I was going to be committed to this then by goddamnit I was _going_ _to be committed, _"because I knew you liked me and I knew it wouldn’t work but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings and am not very good at dealing with people " _And holy hell was _**_that_**_ true _"so I just went with it thinking that I could apologize later" _Lies, but if it worked, it worked_ "but then I was put on the same team as y’all and I knew I had to fess up and I was nervous so I didn’t sleep" _Not a lie. I was so fucking tired _"and was really scared you were going to be mad at me and I’m sorry and I promise I’ll shut up now but I’m really, really, _really_ sorry.” 

Naruto sat on the ground, looking so dismal that I think I felt my soul leave my body. Sunshiney people weren't meant to look so blank.

"Gay?" He asked, his voice as blank as his expression. Sasuke looked back and forth between us, his face twisted into something indescribable. 

_Stalked by a gay woman. _ I thought. _ It must be a hard pill to swallow. _

**Don't talk to me…. **Inner sulked.

I mentally flipped her off. I wasn't talking to her to begin with and it wasn't my fault I was gay. If she wanted to blame anyone, she could blame the universe. And even if I wasn't gay, it also wasn't my fault Mr. Cool was so… him. 

**You mean young?** Inner seethed snidely.

I didn't respond. I wasn't supposed to be talking to her right now.

"Yeah." I affirmed. "Gay."

I took Naruto's hands again, trying to convey the guilt I felt over Bubblegum's actions. Even if I wasn't the one to hurt him, he still deserved an apology from this body. (I could always have my revenge later. As luck would have it, there _ were _buckets of pink paint in the Kitty Chamber. I found them when I was looking for the militia stash.)

"I'm really sorry I hurt you." I said, smiling ruefully. "I'm just kind of awkward underneath all this fake confidence and didn't know how else to do it. It seems stupid now that I think about it, but smart people are stupid sometimes."

Bubblegum would be smarter by the time I'm through with her. I would guarantee it.

Naruto's eyes widened, his mouth opened into a little 'o'. I turned to Sasuke too, ignoring the indignation rising up in me. Childish as he was, he deserved an apology too… (Bubblegum's punishment would not be swift, I thought. Not for making me do this.) 

"And I'm sorry I sort of… stalked you." I added, hunching further. How humiliating. I wasn't even the one to stalk him! "It was Ino's idea. I can't really say not to her when she flips her hair like she does."

Mr. Cool didn't respond beyond a slow blink.

_I might've broken him. _

"Hey Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, interrupting wherever that hopscotch of thought might've taken me. I turned back to him, pleased to see some life had bled back into him. Sunshiney people really weren't meant to be so blank.

“Yeah?” I prodded. 

He met my eyes with an uncharacteristic seriousness, putting both me and Sasuke at full attention. “What’s ‘gay’?”

I stared at him, stunned. Behind him, Sasuke gave me a disbelieving look that I totally understood and met with complete sincerity. He couldn't be serious... could he?

“You…" I swallowed. "You don't know?”

All I got was a look of pure innocence. _ Pure fucking innocence_. The grin that slid onto my face might've or might've not made Mr. Cool flinch in primal fear, but I was too gleeful to properly notice or care. 

_He doesn't know. _

From the depths of my mind, Inner laughed nervously.

**Um. Wannabe…**

_He doesn’t…? _The thought was finally taking hold. Ohhhhhh… the possibilities...

**Wannabe, he’s innocent-**

I might've crackled like a hyena on helium. Maybe.

_Oh my god~ He doesn’t know~ _

**Wannabe we WANt him innocent-**

_Oh I'm _ ** _sorry_**_, _ I thought giddily _ I'm not supposed to be talking to you, _ ** _am I?_ **

**WANNABE!!!!!!!**

“Sit down little sunshine, I’ll tell you _ all _ about it!”

Sasuke did flinch that time.


	10. Chapter 10

“No way Sakura-chan, you can't do that! Sakura-chan is prettier than Ino, by like a thousand times over!”

“She’s too loud.”

“Ahh… well… she’s a bright flame for sure…”

From the darkest recesses of my mind, Inner paced back and forth like an aggravated hyena- obviously disturbed. 

**Wannabe, I love you. I really do. But what the actual fuck?**

I hummed amusingy in response, enjoying that for once Inner was out of the loop. The scene I found myself in was undoubtedly a strange one, certainly one she’d never considered possible back in the time where Bubblegum was still Bubblegum: my team and I were huddled against Vlad and the other nameless impaling rejects, curled up like little girls at a slumber party, talking about dating preferences. 

After explaining to both Naruto and Sasuke the wonders of the Gay Agenda (and after what must have been at least half an hour of Sasuke looking at me like one would look at someone who castrated a puppy without anesthetics- which truthfully wasn't my fault in the slightest, to properly educate anyone on The Gay one couldn't be discriminatory, and it really wasn’t my fault he asked how sex between two guys worked. If he didn’t want to know what anal was then he should’ve just left well enough alone. As it was, never before in my life Here had I wished for a camera _ so badly_, their faces were hilarious!) and apologizing again to the blonde for dooming him to unrequited love, we hit it off pretty fast. Or rather, both Naruto and Sasuke were trying to figure out my infatuation with one Ino Yamanaka and poor Naruto just didn’t get the merits of such lovely hair.

_ Lesbains and straight men- brothers in arms since the dawn of time. _I laughed to myself, carefully curling my limbs. I had picked the spot in front of Vlad for obvious reasons, but our escapade still left a mark. I was still sore.

“Sakura-chan should look for someone better.” Naruto continued to argue from his spot to my right. I pretended not to see Mr. Cool give a minuscule nod from behind him for the sake of his aesthetic and pride. No doubt if anyone were ever to ask him about that one time he debated the dateability of one Ino Yamanaka on the ground of Training Ground 7 while waiting for what was now unarguably our habitually late sensei, he would deny said moment's existence with his every last breath. Twelve-year-olds were like that: an insatiable amount of pride clung on to for the weirdest of reasons.

**ChA! For real! Listen to the idiot Wannabe. We are ** ** _not _ ** **going to date Ino.** Inner muttered with a glare. I still wanted to know how she could do that with no eyes (my list of things to investigate was only growing it seemed. Good thing I didn’t sleep.) but I took it in stride. Now that my boys weren’t looking at me so suspiciously, I felt a lot better. Actually… that wasn't all that true. I felt a whole lot better in general, yes, but...

“Ah, well I don’t plan on actually dating her, Naru,” I said, cutting off the blonde's name before the last syllable was formed with a slow drawl. I felt better now. More like myself than before but.... “I just have to admire her.”

Sasuke grunted from my other side. “Don’t you mean her hair?” I could almost laugh. Such a sharp one he was. I didn’t recall what he actually ended up doing in the series (those memories were getting more and more faded, much to my displeasure. Oh how I loathed not having proper information) but I felt the need to aid him in being more, doing _ more _. I wanted to help Naru too, I realized, looking at these two small children with too bright eyes. (My pride for them was starting to climb into maternal territory, something I never got to experience Before. It was almost staggering how strong it was.)

I laughed anyways. “Mmmmm… same, same?”

Naruto groaned, gripping the sides of his head (gripping too tightly, I noticed. I would have to break him of that) as Sasuke 'tsked'.

“Sakura-chan…" he moaned, "that’s _ not _the same thing…”

I only hummed back, fidgeting with the pink bandage on my hand. Oddly enough, neither Mr. Cool or Little Sunshine had asked about it beyond wordless staring. It was possible that they assumed it was part of my ‘existential crisis’ (I had to explain what that meant to Naru earlier, which he was all too happy about. Did no one ever explain things to him?) and thus not very important, but it was weird to not be constantly hounded about any and every injury I sustained. 

_ Perhaps shinobi don’t have time for that. _ I thought amusingly, looking out at the training grounds.

My inadequate practical application of determining the sun’s position aside, it was well beyond 7 now. Based on the heat now hovering over our skin I would’ve guessed it was around 11, but, then again, my time guestimations apparently sucked. Regardless: Mr. Military, sensei extraordinaire, was late… again.

“Do you think it'll happen often?” I asked, continuing my train of thought out loud. Both Naruto and Sasuke, who had been what they probably saw as 'subtly' glaring at each other, looked at me with a familiar 'what?' expression, so I expanded. “Sensei being late.”

Sasuke grunted against his unimportant log, no doubt burying a sulk. “Probably.” 

Next to him, Mr. Sunshine pressed his hands to the soles of his folded feet, glaring at nothing in particular. “I wouldn’t put it past him.” He grumbled, obviously not excited by the prospect that was our future team meetings. I too wasn't all that thrilled. I could feel what was probably my ADHD jitter up at the thought of sitting around for hours and hours with nothing to do. Or maybe it was just nerves I was feeling?

I sighed despairingly, looking up at the sky. 

I didn’t… feel like I used to. Before, when it was just me, myself, and I, I had everything down to a science. I knew when I was feeling anxious, I knew when I was feeling hyper, I knew when I was hitting a depressive spell, and I knew when my insomnia was raging outside of my ability to control. My body, _ my mind _, was the one thing I understood the most. Even if no one else understood why I was being the way I was, I did, so I could deal. But now… 

I swallowed back a grimace. Now... I didn’t know _ what _ it was doing. The buzzing anxiety that I knew like the back of my hand was ongoing, unforgiving, and completely unrelenting. I _ felt _calm, but if someone were to look at my fidgeting hands they would see that they were shaking just ever so slightly.

And I really, really didn't like it.

“There has to be something better we can do with ourselves than just sitting here and waiting for him to show up.” I say, trying to dispel whatever thoughts were running about in my head. The more I focused on my nerves, I found, the more they seemed to grow.

Naruto perked up at the possible discussion. “Like what, Sakura-chan?”

On the other side of me, I could see Sasuke shirk away from the two of us, a scoff on his lips. I could feel the condescension from where I was sitting.

_ Uh, no. _

Inner screeched as I struck out my hand, lacing my fingers around the cloth of his collar and dragged him back toward us. 

**WANNABE LET HIM GO!!!**

Naruto and Sasuke protested too.

“Oi! Sakur-”

“Sakura-chan!”

I ignored all of them with a buddest-like zen, forcibly pinning the too-cool-for-twelve twelve year old back in the position he was. Sasuke tried to struggle against me, but it soon became clear that I was stronger. 

“You’re a part of this team Sasuke,” I said as he clawed at my wrist. Naruto looked nervously back and forth between the two of us, hands half raised in the air like he wanted to help Sasuke, but was too afraid to try (_Stronger than the number one rookie, _ I clinically noted. _ Strong enough to induce fear._) “You’re a part of the ‘we’.”

He glared at me, grinding his teeth and digging his nails into my skin. (It was bleeding, I noted. Not deep.) “I’m not a part of anything!” He gritted out, continuing to struggle.

My grip still wasn’t budging. Distantly, I wondered what the standard for strength was Here and just how Bubblegum managed to acquire something above it. After all, it sure as hell wasn’t me that brought this to the table. And Bubblegum, I hated to admit, was well below her peers in every other term of physicality. In no way did the girl ever exercise (something we had in common), so it made absolutely no sense that she (or me) could keep The Last Uchiha in place with no effort. (Unconsciously, I added it to the I Shall Investigate This List. That thing was getting long...)

“You have nothing to do with me!” He continued, struggling even more. 

Naruto tensed at my side. “What the hell do you mean by that you bastard?!?” He yelled, balling up his fists and jumping to his feet. (Such a bad word for someone so pure. I was so proud) “Aren’t we on the same team?!”

I watched both of them silently, struck by a memory that was almost faded. This was… like a dog fight. Like when a household that already had pets introduced another pet and they all had to come to terms with each other. Except… you know… with people.

**That’s not what this is Wannnabe.** Inner hissed, absolutely irate. ** And you, ** she continued, turning on Naruto that I dimly noted couldn’t _ see or hear her just what was she doing, _ **don’t yell at Sasuke-kun!**

_ It could be _ I thought. _ Naruto _ ** _is_ ** _ baring his teeth at him. _

And he was. Quite animalistically, I might add. There was a stray thought somewhere about rats and positive and negative reinforcement, but it flew past me before it could properly take hold. (I didn't give it much thought. I could always refind the stupid thing later.)

“We may be on the same team," Sasuke snarled, pressing his foot to my side trying to escape. It wasn’t the most pleasant of feelings, but it still didn’t move me an inch. "But we're not teammates you deadlast!"

Naruto snarled wordlessly.

“Why not?” I asked calmly amongst the growing fury, tilting my head. “If we’re on the same team, then we could be teammates. Defintionally speaking, we already are. Are you scared to have someone close to you?”

It seemed like a logical conclusion to me, given his history.

The foot at my side convulsed, mid pressure. Above us, Naruto’s predatory face froze. They both went stock still, completely mute, slowly turning to me in shock. 

“Scar..?” Sasuke sputtered, breaking the silence first. “I’m not scared! I just don’t want to be stuck with two people so useless!”

Personally, I took no offense to Sasuke's insult. It was hard to take such a thing seriously when I had him leached around my fingers like a dog. But Naruto did not take it so lightly. Whatever calm he had caught onto during his shock had vanished, twisting his sunny demeanor into something border-line demonic as he snarled. 

“USEL-?!”

I cut Naruto off before he could get started. “Why do you see us as useless?” I asked, readjusting my grip on his shirt. It felt like bees were making a nest in my epidermis. Not fun. 

“HOW COULD I NOT?!” He screamed, abandoning his effort to use his foot as leverage and reverting to downright kicking. The jittering feeling that seemed to haunt me wherever I went turned caustic, flushing heat down my center. It was only on impulse that I jerked him up to his feet, pulling him towards me, but it was probably a good thing I did. In that same moment Naruto had given up on talking (so long as you ignored his growl of **'WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY-?!' **that didn't sound like it came from a person) and had aimed a rage filled fist at Sasuke, practically smoking at its edges. I artistfully ignored how hard it was to breathe (I assumed this was my life now), ignored Naruto’s odd transition into a little hell hound, and instead pressed on with the hurt little child caught in my grip. (He had all of his family killed, didn't he? Did he ever go to therapy for it?)

“Could you please expand?” I inquired as Naruto hit the ground (_ he doesn’t know how to follow-up _ I noted), keeping my boys out of each other’s reach. Logical questioning often ended up hitting a brick wall when it came to emotional responses, but it was a good tool when trying to get a person to realize they were being emotional. My handling of the procedure wasn't the best, I'll admit, but, hey. I was trying. Sasuke was taller than me so the fist around his collar _ probably _ didn’t hinder his breathing any, but I kept an eye on his color anyways. And so far it was _ red _. Very, very red. (I was 95% sure that was from fury). “How, specifically, are we useless?”

Whatever Sasuke responded with didn’t equate to actual words. It was a deep, vibrating sound that only boys seemed to know how to make, drowned in all hatred and no sense. Sneaking a peek at Naruto in the grass, I thought that if that sound had a look, then that was what he was. His skin was taunt and bunched, _ ready to strike ready to kill _ , and his eyes, _ his eyes, _I vaguely noted as my bones melted and lungs melted and brain skidded, were red. 

Everything around us was so very, very red.

I knew it was anger. Anger and fear. Naruto was livid at how Sasuke saw us, and Sasuke, little child Sasuke, trying so hard to be so big while being so small- regardless of how many times he tried to convince himself otherwise- was terrified to see us as anything more than expendable (_ it was easier that way _ a little voice whispered _ we could be gone as quickly as his family was _). 

It couldn’t go on like this.

I wouldn't allow it.

Dropping Sasuke unceremoniously with a motion my brain never truly registered, I dug into my militia pouch with the hand that Sasuke left bleeding and pulled out a kunai (there would be blood spots on my pouch now, would sensei notice?). It was perfectly polished thanks to my freak out the night before, glinting in the not-yet afternoon sun. I held it by it's blade, handle on the other side, and offered it to him gently.

“Ok.” I said with a soft smile. “If that’s how you feel, then fix it.” 

Sasuke looks at the blade, my hand, and then to me, his earlier defensive hate turning to true fear. He was such a lost little one, left all alone with no support and no help, and he doesn’t know what’s happening. And as if just to prove how lost he was himself and provide kerosene to my already building hatred to a people I do not know the names of but I _ will _ find out, Naruto is the one that understands first. ( _ Just what child should understand what I was offering? _Something dark in me seethed. I buried away for the time being)

“SAKURA-CHAN NO!” He cries, jumping up to take away my offering. I dance just out of his reach with a grace and a dexterity that _ Bubblegum shouldn’t have, I shouldn't have _ and offer the kunia again.

Naruto lands in the grass, sobbing. (_ I'm so sorry little one, I will fix it I swear) _

“Wha-?” Sasuke still doesn't understand, so I move closer, holding the metal nearer to him, making steel cover my eyes.

“Fix it.” I repeat, inching a little closer, kunia aloft. 

After what seems like an eternity, it finally clicks. His eyes widen impossibly, his face pales to the point where it rivals Naruto’s- who was crying silently into the grass, I move my ankle so it presses against his arm, hopefully providing some support, some comfort, some reassurance that I have no plans to actually allow Sasuke to end my life that _ everything is ok _\- and do not miss how his eyes stray from the weapon in my hand to the damage his own nails had carved to my skin. (It was staining the grass now. Such a pity… Kohona’s grass was so beautifully green.)

“You can’t…” Sasuke swallowed, shaking his head. His knees gave out with a soft 'thud'. “You can’t be serious…”

He looked like he was going to be sick. Naruto did too. I had expected Inner to jump in well before I put my power play into action, yelling at me for traumatizing the already traumatized child and for offering our life away without her consent, but she stayed strangely silent as I watched Sasuke desperately search for the bluff he thought I was making. Slowly but surely, the red bled out and turned to grey.

“I am.” I said, feeling strangely lethargic.

Naruto looked up from the grass, tear stained and so very, very lost and hurt, eyes begging me to reconsider or at the very least explain. I pressed into his arm more firmly. 

_ It's ok _ I try to convey.

And I, with the tranquil patience only one who has already died before could produce, waited for Sasuke to understand and to answer. As I suspected (hoped), he didn't take the weapon. He didn't move, didn't dare breathe, but he also didn't surrender. (_ So much pride _)

“Why?” Is what he asked instead, voice quieter then a leaf in the wind. 

And there it was: his bluff. He was so scared, wasn't he?

“It’s the only way you’re going to get rid of me." I state plainly. "You and Naruto are my teammates now, and as such, you are _ mine. _So I’m going to be with you, I’m going to help you, no matter how useless you may find me or how much you don’t want the assistance. And it is going to be like that,” I say, staring at them both with all the conviction I possessed both Here and Before, daring them to challenge me, daring whatever gods put me here to try and refute me, “until I am killed or you kill me.”

They both stared at my declaration. I could see the fear, the doubt, but also the hope. They had been left alone for far too long.

“But…” Naruto’s broken voice begged from below me, breaking whatever vindictive I had before it could form (I would find that sucker later) “But _ why? _”

Plopping on the ground next to them both, smiling from around the kunia’s glinting edges as I shoved it into my pouch, I reached over and ruffled his hair.. 

“Isn’t it obvious?” I laugh, pulling my babies into a group hug. Naruto's flinch did not escape me, nor did Sasuke's nonexistent attempt to struggle. Such a smart boy he was. “I love you!”

“I thought you only liked girls.” Sasuke stated more than asked from underneath my neck. He was off-balance, which was understandable, but there wasn’t any red anymore and we all were sitting together like we were before so I called it a win.

“Ah, I do. Both sexually” Narutno _ meeped _from under my arm, “ and romantically. But y’all are family, so that’s fair game!” 

“Sakura-chan …” Naruto breathed, near to tears and completely in awe, as if I was a goddess sent from the heavens solely for him. Sasuke had no such beliefs. 

“You’re nuts.” He grumbled. He also didn't pull away.

“Bastard!”

I laughed at the two of them, enjoying my new family. Precariously put together and questionably sane? It was like coming home after a long day's work.

“You’ll learn to love it!”

  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

In hindsight, maybe I _ wouldn't _ have made it to be a psychiatrist- even if I hadn’t gotten run over. Because, you see, to be a psychiatrist you gotta go through a lot of school and get a doctorate, and to do that you had to be smart. (And, needless to say, you had to stay alive to make it happen) And, I, in all my glory, not only couldn’t handle the latter requirement for such an act but was also currently royally _ failing _at the former like liberal arts major trying to solve high-end calculus.

Case and point: this had to be, by far, the _ stupidest idea I’ve ever had in my life. _

“Sakura-chan!” Naruto gasped as the thin wire most notably _ not _ designed to be used as a lasso tightened around his foot. There honestly wasn’t anything worse in my little bag of tricks that I could've been using to maneuver such a delicate limb around, but it was what I had and good plans didn’t usually come from impulse. (That plan at the moment not being anything beyond _ get Naru away from that pervert _.)

Honestly, I was perfectly ok with letting Naru do his little thing from my hiding spot as I tried to formulate some sort of half-assed plan that would help both him, me, _ and _ Sasuke get the two small bells hanging from Mr. Military’s waist. It was a rushed and sloppy process, but I was going off the premise that the test wasn't _ actually _ about the bells and more about something cliche like teamwork or patriotism or resolve or some shit like that (and I _ hoped to god _ it was because there was no way on this manga’s green earth we would be able to pass otherwise… Naru tried to attack earlier before the test properly began and was pinned by Mr. Military faster than I could track. The difference in strength between the four of us was laughable and as such I suspected _ winning _winning would involve some tear-jerking sacrifice typical of these kinds of stories. As the girl of the group and the weakest of the bunch I was the main contestant. Like, um, no thank you?) so it was doable. Rushed, yes, but doable.

But that all went to hell when Naruto just _ had _ to rush in with all of his twelve-year-old I’m-invincible pride.

_ Honestly. _

So here I was, completely out of my league, totally unprepared and arguably suicidal, dashing out of a _ perfectly good hiding place _ to use ninja wire as a lasso even though that has to be _ the last thing it should be used for _ , all in a impulsive attempt to save my stupidly confident sunshine child from sexual molestation. Ain’t life just _ grand _?

“Tuck and roll Naru.” I ordered, rolling my weight and studiously ignoring the bleeding of what was once my non-injured hand. Holy hell did that fucking hurt! Ninja wire was dangerously thin and ridiculously strong. It was designed to carry heavy loads and conduct chakra if need be (depending on what elemental nature, Bubblegum's inhuman memory told me, chakra could be caustic so apparently that’s why it was used in so many binding situations) but it was _ not _meant for small bubblegum-like hands. It was like a paper cut on steroids!

_ Okay… _ ** _ow._ ** I thought, swinging Naruto towards the ground. Kakashi made no move to grab on to him or the wire (which was weird as shit because he totally could), instead turning his attention to me which Inner and I did _ not _like.

**DUCK! **Inner warned.

I fell to the ground instantly, letting go of the ninja wire before Naruto had landed, mentally apologizing for the 'jerk' the line gave the moment I did. Over my head I heard the tale-tell ‘whisps’ of shuriken slicing in the air, prominent from Bubblegum’s memory as an academy student.

_ Throwing knives at a little girl. How rude. _ I thought, hastily unwrapping the wire from around my hand. The blood made it sticky and slippery and thus the most uncooperative piece of metal string I ever had the misfortune to meet.

Soft clanking noises came from above me informed me that Sasuke had noticed this, and, like the little genius he was, had come to my rescue before I could be impaled by the next round of sharp objects our wondrous sensei sent my way the second I fell.

_ Doubly rude. _

“Deadlast, we were supposed to stay _ hidden _.” Sasuke hissed, dodging the next volly while simultaneously yanking me to my feet. The wire had finally loosened and fell to the ground in a pool of thin metallic sheer and red. All round it were different variations of knives, graciously impaled into the soil. Our sensei had enough weapons to spare it seemed. I would have to ask him later about his dealer (if there was a later).

“Hidden?!” Naruto gripped, pulling himself up and tugging off the wire around his foot. I snuck a glance at the skin around it and was relieved when everything looked healthy and operational. I went for the leg because, while running might've been a bitch and a half, in the event I irreversibly fucked up my not-planned plan, Naru could still use his jutsu (apparently murder child magic only works through the hands and let me tell you how much I had no back up plans for _ that _) That being said, I really didn't want to cripple the poor kid. “How’re we supposed to get the bells from underneath some bush?!”

_ Impulsive _my brain hissed.

**Idiotic **Inner seethed.

My hands shook only slightly as I pulled out a kunai to experimentally block yet _ another _row of shuriken thrown at us. The force of them barreled through my arms (sending spikes of pain up and down my hands) but they caught the metal of the kunai beautifully, spinning out in some unknown direction. Bubblegum had once mentally debated whether or not kunai were shaped the way they were for the sole purpose of reflecting shuriken (They weren’t, she found out when she asked the teacher. They were shaped for the best usage. 'Convenience and usefulness, her sensei had said) and I could see why. The fact that I deflected them at all had to be a testimate to some faith of some form.

Before didn't have this kind of stuff.

“Maahhh.. come now," Kakashi mocked from in front of the lake. Naruto and him had danced around its edges far enough so that I couldn't see Vlad and his companions anymore, but not so far that I didn't know where I was. (Which was good, because I was so directionally retarded it wasn't even funny) "He has a point, you know. How _ were _you planning to get the bells hiding in the bush?”

Both Sasuke and I sent him a glare, albeit for different reasons. Sasuke probably had his pride, but I had an excitable sunshine child that did _ not _ need any validation for his suicidal techniques, thank you very much.

Sasuke ‘tched’, surveying our opponent and trying to formulate a plan.

I did the same, and truthfully, wasn't getting very far. Such was the woes of the uninformed. Arguably speaking I should've had an edge with my 'other worldly knowledge', but that knowledge was vague to begin with and was only getting vaguer. I mean, even _ I _ couldn't come up with a fool proof, off the wall plan with just _ 'lightning jutsu and daddy issues _’.

Before I could try and wing something anyways, Naruto lost his patience.

“Well, I'm not going to wait around here!" He shouted, throwing his hands into a hand sign I was becoming all too familiar with: the plus. Sasuke and I shared a look. Did he only know one jutsu?

Inner grumbled. **Knowing him he forgot there were others he ****_could _****use.**

I swallowed guiltily. Now didn't _ that _line sound familiar?

In a flux of air and smoke, twenty or so Narutos filled the clearing, charging at Kakashi. Absolutely none of them were organized and had any sort of structured plan, but they _ were _ in masse and, as thus, _ so _exploitable. Sasuke and I shared another look, and then he charged too, attacking from the flanks with more precision.

_I don't have the stamina to charge like them… _I thought, watching the disarray carefully. Kakashi dogged and weaved gracefully and expertly, further emphasizing how far ahead he was of us. It took no effort for him at all to catch one of the Naruto's punches and flip him on his side. _I'll be more of a help from a distance._

I fumbled in my bag for a kunai, grimacing at the feel of rough burlap on my cuts. If a few tears gathered at the edges of my eyes, then that was only human. 

_ What I wouldn't give for a gun right now. _

Kunai and shuriken were well and all, but they didn't have the accuracy or aiming capability of a gun. Were there any jutsu that did? I put the thought on the back burner before it could sweep me away. Best not get distracted now. 

Naruto's clones had surrounded Kakashi, with Sasuke taking on the position of our middle-range fighter. They chucked punches and kicks where they could get them, covering Kakashi to the point where I felt more than I saw our sensei fly through a series of hand signs, but the shift was undeniable.

"Naruto!" I warned.

"Water Style: Water Dragon Jutsu!"

A shiver went up and down my spine as a dragon, a legit motherfucking _water dragon_ _made from _**_actual water_**, burst out from the lack behind them. I wanted to laugh so badly. Before didn't have this shit either. The declarations were ridiculous, but _Jesus _who could argue with the _results_? 

"Dodge!" I shouted, jumping back as far as I could. Sasuke did the same. Naruto, predictably, did not.

"Gah!" He gagged as he was thrown back.

_ That idiot. _ I _ really _ had to teach that kid how to follow up. 

Water spurted_ everywhere, _ effectively destroying all of Naruto's clones. It drenched the field, the trees, and ourselves to the very tips of our toes. Maybe this was why we wore sandals, I thought, bounding over to Naruto and pulling him up to his feet. Because of the random elements being thrown at us. Just as Naruto went to thank me, Kakashi started to go through some more hand signs. There were undoubtedly a countless number of jutsu the man could throw at us, but I could only think of one thing: _ Lightning. Daddy issues and _ ** _lightning_ ** _ . _

I threw the kunai at his hands, thinking less about aim and thinking more about trying to disrupt his jutsu at all costs. Lightning was one of the elements that needed more control when channeling in order to successfully pull off the jutsu, so maybe it would throw him off enough to give us time to escape. It was, I realized mid throw, yet another impulsive and stupid idea given who we were up against but hey, what the hell? Like hell was I going to be electrocuted today.

**Wannabe, pay attention!**

In my realization I threw it too hard.

The kunai took off in a swerve, lifting up until it went for his eye- the covered one. Kakashi threw his head to the side with ease merely watching impassively as my kunai 'thunked' into a tree a good ten or twenty feet away. On another note though, he _ did _stop his jutsu.

_ If it works, it works I guess. _

Kakashi turned back to us (no doubt having some sort of sassy comment on the tip of his tongue. Not even thirty minutes into our acquaintance I learned that Kakashi Hatake lived off of a level of sass, spite, and pettiness that was god-tier to one such as I. It was in that instant that I loyally strove to achieve his attitude by the time I finally got to his age, gods and fates be damned) only to find Sasuke appearing in front of him, a circle of fingers over his mouth and a plethora of chakra gathered in his belly.

_ That's my bright boy! _

"Fire style: Phoenix flower jutsu!"

"What?!"

Heat flooded the clearing as a ball of fire spilled out of Sasuke's mouth, aimed at Kakshi's head. Kakashi kept back along with Naruto who was just readying another wave of clones.

"Youch! Watch where you're throwing that you bastard!"

"Naruto, keep on him!" I shouted, running up to his other side on the scorched grass. I pulled out another spool of ninja wire, mentally declaring my hands as unsaveable at this point and kunai as ineffective. It was another half assed plan, but if we let Mr. Military have even a second to breathe then we were done for. 

"You got it Sakura-chan!" He said, making 20 more clones.

**Where does all this chakra even COME FROM?!**

Kakashi hummed, dodging another strike. He was really dodging. "Don't you think going at me like that is kind of rude?"

Sasuke scoffed, another kunai in hand. (Was I the only one who had a spare amount? Goddamit Bubblegum!) He probably wasn't as invested in the banter as Naruto was (or at least I _ hoped _ he wasn't, I could only keep track of one excitable child at a time), but couldn't resist jabbing at our perpetually late sensei. "Say's the pervert."

"...Pervert?"

"Yeah!" Naruto cut in, pointing a finger at him with all the self righteous sass of a six-year-old. I instantly tapped into all my years worth of blending into the background, trying to be as unnoticeable as possible as I inched around to Kakashi's blind side as fast as humanly possible because I knew- I just **_knew_** -what my lovely child was going to say next. "You were going to anally rape me!"

Kakashi froze.

_ Oh, my sweet summer child how I FUCKING LOVE YOU. _

"Eh?" Kakashi paused. "Anally what?"

I pounced. I threw all my strength into my legs (because at this point it was the only thing Sakura had going for her and the only thing that didn't hurt like a bitch), closing the distance left in between sensei and I in a heartbeat.

"Wha-?"

My arms went around his waist at the same time Sasuke threw kunai at his feet and Naruto number-whatever dove for the bells.

The shift in energy was the only warning I got before we all fell to the ground in a heap of limbs and wood.

_Replacement Jutsu._ _Of-fucking-course._

"Ungh…"

"Well that didn't work…" Naruto grumbled from my side.

We scrambled to our feet with a groan.

"Of course it didn't work, you dumbass!" Sasuke miffed. "You just jumped in with no plan!"

"Hey! It works for me!"

"Guys! Guys, stop." I said, hands in the air. My hands were bleeding, my body was _ so _ sore, and I was pretty sure Kakashi's replacement left splinters in my legs. I was so not in the mood. "What works for some may not work for others. But Naruto, we tried it your way so now it's Sasuke's turn. Now. Sasuke, what do _ you _ think we should do?"

Sasuke opened his mouth.

"Doing it on your own is _ not _an option." I cut in. Naruto snickered.

"I don't need your help." Sasuke argued.

"You're getting it anyways."

He glared at me with no effect. "Get lost."

"I'll place myself in the most inconvenient position possible if you try to go off on your own."

"You're so annoying!"

"I'll tackle you in the middle of a jutsu."

"I don't need help!"

"I could tie you up with ninja wire if that's more your speed."

"I don't need you!"

"I'll strip and do the tango if you say 'pretty please'."

"I-" Sasuke blanched. "What? What do you mean _ strip _?"

I grinned. "Nothing. Just making sure you were actually listening to me before you argued back. Statement still stands."

Naruto started outright laughing, his breath coming in and out in loud 'gwaffs'. "You're never going to win against Sakura-chan, bastard. Might as well give in now!"

I beamed with pride.

_ Aww… both my boys are so bright! _

**No, you're just so stubborn that even a complete idiot can see it.**

_ Did you not like the stripping plan? _

**Wannabe-**

Whatever she or Sasuke were going to say was cut off by a shrill tone ringing across the entire training ground. The alarm.

Sasuke cursed angrily. I frowned. "It's not noon already, is it?"

Naruto looked up at the sky in equal parts mystified and slighted. "It isn't! We still have half an hour!"

_ That sounds suspicious _.

"Doesn't matter anyways." Sasuke spit, stomping on the ground and shoving his hands into his pockets. "We failed. This entire thing was a waste of time!" 

I stopped him before he could stomp away. "Wait Sasuke! We still have half an hour."

"Didn't you hear the bell?!" He hissed, swinging his arms out in an uncharacteristic gesture of emotion. "We failed!"

"No, we didn't." I argued back calmly, unease prickling my neck. "Our test is until, and I quote, 'the alarm clock set for noon'. What if the clock was set to go off twice? What if the first one's a trap?" I proposed.

Sasuke paused at that. Naruto did too.

"You really think so Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked.

"It's a possibility. If you were going to try to lead all three of us in a trap at once…"

"You'd set up an area and throw out some bait." Sasuke finished, eyebrows furrowed. 

"Like the alarm clock." Naruto realized.

I nodded. 

"So what do we do?" Naruto asked. "Do we spring the trap?"

"It's not like we have much of a choice." Sasuke pointed out.

I shook my head. "There's a lot of what-if's we have to consider, and not enough information to go off of, but it's obvious we can't go in normally. So I propose a plan."

Sasuke huffed at me, looking almost like the twelve year old he should be.

_ Yes! Progress! _

"I thought it was my turn." He sulked.

"Do you have something in mind?"

Sasuke concentrated for a second, then grimaced. "We'll go with yours."

I shush Naruto's laugh and tell them my plan. 

"Sakura-chan! That's GENIUS!"

"It's not genius," Sasuke said with a shake of his head, "it's _ NUTS. Just who _ ** _thinks _ ** _ of these things?!?" _

"Not me!" Naruto cheered with a dopey grin.

"And hopefully not Kakashi." I add in with a lazy wave. "Now stop being dramatic. Can you do it?"

Both boys look at each other and nod. 

"Alright. Let's do this."

  
  


I practically storm through the clearing, clutching two stones in my hands. The aura of seething rage radiating off of me was impossible to miss and may or may have not been procured by imagining someone forcibly cutting off all of Ino's hair (**Something is seriously wrong with you** Inner commented when she saw). Kakashi, who was standing at its center, looked calm as can be, obviously expecting this (that _ fucking bastard- _).

"Problem?"

"YOU LIAR!! YOU TOLD US NOON!!!" I scream. The action feels so _ weird and aggressive _, but it was something Bubblegum did regularly so it wasn't suspect. Neither was throwing things when angered, so nothing was amiss when I threw both stones at the hopeless man as gently as I could (which was still pretty fucking hard… was Sakura supposed to be like this?), which he dodged as easily as I thought he would. 

"Maa, Sakura-chan. I'm the sensei, you know? I can change the rules if I wa- what?!"

Said stones being, of course, my teammates in a henge. 

**Take that you pervert!**

He couldn't dodge in time. 

"I GOT THEM!" Naruto shouted in glee, both bells in hand. On his other side Sasuke looked particularly proud of himself, which I allowed given his earlier state. Sure, let him think he did all the work. Why not?

"... the bell went off, you know." Kakashi muttered, slipping into his usual slouch. 

Sasuke sneered imperiously, which I also allowed. If Kakashi didn't want to be sneered at, then maybe he should try being less of a dick to children. (I still hadn't forgiven him for trying to stick his fingers in Naruto's ass. The _ fucking nerve _) "Not at noon."

Kakashi hummed, looking between the three of us. "So it didn't. Well… I guess I _ have _ to pass you… but…" he dragged on, "who gets the bells?" 

Naruto blinked at his hands. Sasuke flinched.

"There's only two bells and three of you guys." Kakashi went on.

I blinked too. Oh. Right. The one without the bell went back to the academy and didn't get lunch, didn't they? (I had to stop myself from laughing hysterically when I found out. I couldn't even tell you why. It just struck me as the funniest thing I've ever heard)

_ Whoops. Forgot about that tidbit. _

"They can have them." I say.

Both Naruto and Sasuke look at me in shock. Kakashi looks like I've confirmed some unnamed suspicion, and Inner glares at me from my mind.

**Would it kill you to expand a little before they get the wrong idea? **She grumbles, taking in Sasuke's betrayed expression.

"But Sakura-chan!" Naruto cries, "It was your plan! You should pass!"

"It's fine Naru." I assure him with another lazy wave of my hand. "You go on and have the bells."

"But Sakura-"

"You said you wouldn't leave." Sasuke cut in quietly.

Naruto looked ready to cry.

**Any day now Wannabe.**

I shove Inner into a mental corner and give my boys a soft smile with eyes sharper than steel. "And I won't." I promise "It doesn't matter if the village calls me a shinobi or if sensei gives me the clear. I'm always going to be with you guys."

Sasuke looks unassured.

"You'll be in the academy." He says.

"I'll skip class." I quip.

"We'll be outside of the village."

"I'll follow you."

"That's against the rules."

"I make my own rules."

"It would be considered stalking."

I sneak him a grin and wiggle my eyebrows. "Would it?" I asked innocently.

And Sasuke, Mr. I'm-too-cool-for-twelve himself, starts laughing. "You're _ nuts _."

I laughed too, forcibly pulling him into a hug. (He doesn't struggle. _ YES! PROGRESS! _) "Yep. But you love it, right?"

Naruto joins in, throwing his arms around the both of us. "OF COURSE WE DO SAKURA-CHAN!"

From our side, Kakashi clears his throat.

"Maaaa… no need, no need… I guess I can pass you too." Kakashi drawled. 

I peek from beneath Naru's arms suspiciously. "Really?"

"Yeah, yeah. Restraining orders are a bit of a pain and I'd rather not have to fill one out if I don't have to. Congratulations. Team 7 begins their first mission tomorrow!"

Naruto cheers, squeezing us tighter. 

"YES!!!"

"DUMBASS I CAN'T BREATHE!!!"

Outside of my own suffocation, I breathe a sigh of relief. I meant what I said, but I was hoping that I wouldn't have to. Stalking was a _ lot _ of work. 

  
  
  


"Oh, and Sakura?" Kakashi motioned after Naruto had settled down and we all spread out to eat.

"Hm?"

"I'll have to assess you on your chakra skills tomorrow, though, since you didn't use any for the test."

I damn near choked.

_ My… chakra… skills? _

_ Chakra. _

_ MY CHAKRA _.

I wanted to scream. Forget a doctorate, how the fucking hell did I manage to do _ anything _being this fucking stupid?! I forgot I could use chakra too!


	12. Chapter 12

_ Soooo…  _ I thought, bordering somewhere between being so surprised I was sure I was going to quite literally choke on air and being so resigned that if the ground decided to open up at my feet right at this moment I would probably laugh it off and make a home there, _ I know I'm a little... new... to this body… and my future knowledge is a little vague and all… but… ah… could she…? _

No amount of delicacy could smother the ridiculousness toning my thoughts. Inner, too, was painted in air of complete befuddlement, not answering immediately as we both just stared at the doorknob completely  ** _crushed in my hand_ ** .

**Uh, no. ** She answered once she had found her voice.  **That- That would be new.**

I stared at the thing blankly, not replying, with only two thoughts occupying my mind. 

First and foremost? I really, really, really hoped Bubblegum's parents were chill people. I didn't know anything about house ownership and the affection that came with it, but one couldn't be  _ too  _ thrilled with their front door being dented and crushed… right? Even if it was their not-daughter? I hadn't come across them yet (Inner said they were merchants or some shit like that so they bounced around a lot and were basically never home. I had to swallow down my irritation at that. Just what was  _ with  _ this world's adults? Did they not know they had a responsibility?) and at this point could only hope they were forgiving people and wouldn't lynch me for destroying their door.

The second but far more overpowering thought which occupied my mind went something like this: _ What the actual FUCK _ . 

Unclenching my tiny little child shaped fist, (which, by the way, for the record: wasn't _actually_ clenched. It was wrapped around the knob gently as any normal person does when proceeding to open a door, and therefore had _absolutely_ _no business _warping the metal like it was made of silly puddy) I stared at the fingered grooves. I just… went to open the door? I got the test thingy over with, had a come-to-jesus meeting with my boys, went home, and turned the knob? That's all I did? What the _actual _**_fuck_**_????_

Inner laughed nervously.  **Hah. Uh-Um… well. That's… uh… library?**

I slowly blinked at my hands, then to the doorknob, then to the wall beside it. The door was framed in what I assumed to be drywall or something equally as sturdy. A small sliver of thought forming in my head, I lifted my hand with a calculative slowness and I (as gently as I possibly could) flicked the wall.

** _CRACK _ **

The small hairline fracture that snaked up the side of the doorway was unmistakable. The finger that did it barely even twinged. Spinning on my heel, I mimicked Inner's earlier laugh and mentally kissed any possibility of sleep goodbye. 

"Library."

  
  


_ Holy. Shit. _

From inside my mind, Inner groaned.  ** _Wannabe._ **

I ignored her indignation, taking in the sight before me. It was so…  _ beautiful.  _ The Library of Kohona was an all-access, broad-spectrum library that first came to mind when thinking about figuring out the 'fuck' of the what the fuck. Bubblegum of course had many memories of the place because she was a smart, lonely little child with no friends (again, adults? Hello?? Do the words 'Parental responsibility' ring any bells???) but those memories didn't do the place justice.

_ I can't  _ ** _believe_ ** _ you let me entertain the thought of suicide this morning.  _ I thought as I stood in the entryway in worshiping awe. The floors were thickly carpeted and meticulously clean, and the entire place smelled like brand new books.

Inner blanched.  ** _Excuse you. _ ** She sniped haughtily,  **One: I didn't. If you would remember correctly- I was trying to TALK YOU OUT OF IT. And two: Can we focus please? You're blocking the door.**

_ But. But. You SEE this right? _

The Library of Kohona was, simply put, worth every hardship and unconvince I faced since landing Here. The walls went up 20, maybe 30 feet, boxed up in an odd hexagonal shape that I personally didn't get and doubted anyone else did either, but every inch of them-  _ every inch- _ were filled with books of all shapes, colors, and sizes. From the tippiest top shelf lined with uniform, maroon looking texts that I suspected to be a form of encyclopedia to the bottomest nook docked with short stubby books that could've contained literally anything, there were books  _ everywhere.  _ It was heaven!

I grinned at the receptionist, all but skipping in the main hall. For such a wide corridor it was practically void of life aside from the tired looking lady that gave me a small nod back, that is, unless they were hiding in one of the side isles that intersected it every ten feet or so. Either way I was beyond elated. Books and no people in sight? HELL YES!

_ You could've used this you know.  _ I thought giddily, thumbing through one of the displays along the broad side of the isle. I selected the first book that I could reach. It was a hard back, newly printed and encased in a baby blue cover that bragged about it being the "most sought after novel in all of the Elemental Nations", most undoubtedly had the author's bio in the plastic sleeve covering the front and back in an inconvenient display of marketing that all new books seemed to bare, and _ holy fuck _ I thought I was going to cry. I flipped through the pages, high as a kite. A book! An actual book! I could live through anything now.

Inner sputtered from the back of my mind.  ** _Again, I TRIED TO STOP YOU._ ** ** I'll have you know that your head was an absolute train wreck this morning, and you weren't listening to shit!**

_ There was make-up in her pouch. _ I defended, not really defending. The book's font was something other than Times New Roman (I highly doubted they had that Here), although it was similar in style. I guess uniformity was a universal concept in book culture.

**I'm ** ** _aware._ ** ** Now can we ** ** _please _ ** **focus? ** She begged, tacking off at the end a  **You're crushing the book in your hands, by the way.**

_ Eh? _

Looking down with an undignified 'eep', I realized with horror that she was right. The wonderful blue bound novel in my hand was concaving like a ceiling sporting water damage. Was I going to do that to every book I touched?! I instantly returned the poor little thing back to its place in the same fashion one might drop a hot potato: basically throwing it. The isle it connected to rattled underneath the force.

_ That's… not good.  _ I thought, staring at the wood as it settled.

**No, it's not. ** She griped.  **The focusing?**

_Right._ _Focusing._

Scanning the meticulously labeled isles, I tried to decide just what subject could be helpful in such a bullshit situation. You would think that given the sheer amount of bullshit situations shinobi seem to find themselves in there would be an actual section for it, but no. That would make my life far too easy. Going down them one by one, I tossed the obvious ones out. "History", "Geography", and "Politics" were undoubtedly a no-go. The signs for jutsu were probably not what I needed either…

I scanned the isles in the back. "Medical Texts" sounded promising. 

Shuffling over to the other end of the library, I noted yet again how few people were present. With each intersection I passed I peeked in to see if perhaps they were just quiet, but to my surprise the only one I found was a zombified young adult somewhere in the math section. (My bet was on 'student') I understood that not everyone was a nerd like I was… but didn't "knowledge equal power"? At the very least a murder child doctrine should be interested in power. How come no one was around?

**It's always been like that. **Inner verified, skimming the smaller sections with me. **Even when Sakura visited as a kid.** **I think it's because most shinobi are more of a "do-er" type of people. You know… the 'watch a jonin do a jutsu and then give it a shot yourself' types.**

I entered the Medical section with a frown, noting how big it was. This… might take awhile.  _ Isn't that dangerous?  _ I thought, pulling a book at random. "The Sexual Reproduction of the Modern Shinobi". Hah.  _ Nope.  _ I put it back (while artistfully ignoring how the shelf tipped like a motherfucking  _ see-saw…  _ Jesus… just what was my life right now?).

**It's very dangerous, ** Inner said, ** but no one really cares. **

Wandering over to the more promising shelf labeled "anatomy", I gaped.

_ How can no one  _ ** _care_ ** _ ?  _ I demanded.  _ Chakra exhaustion is serious! _

And, honest to god, it  _ was _ . Apparently, even in the world of murder children and socially acceptable magic, the body had limits. According to Bubblegum's academy curriculum, when someone tries to push out more chakra than their body can give or use up all their chakra faster than their body could replenish: it was basically like gifting themselves with a giant, gaping wound that never actually happened. You see, chakra in general was a mixture of mental and physical energy. And people only have so much mental energy to give with no way to instantly change that value. So when you over extend the end result, your body goes into overdrive trying to compensate (That is to say, if C=M+P with chakra being C and M being 2, if you tried to make C equal 10 and P was 3, then chakra exhaustion was you basically killing yourself trying to make P equal 8 even though it probably won't happen). The heart strains, your muscles flood with acids and transmitters they can't keep up with, your body temperature goes out of whack all in hopes of pushing something out that isn't there, and if you enter hivobolimic shock you're pretty much screwed without a chakra transfusion. (Apparently the murder child body didn't care that it was  _ magic _ being pushed out and not blood… such idiocy…)

**Shinobi aren't very good doctors if you couldn't tell. ** Inner commented.

Unbiddenly, my mind went back to this morning when my hands were painting the green grass a nice little shade of maroon. I had asked Naruto and Sasuke to help me reapply the horrifically pink bandages because they were so sloppy when I did them, but as it turns out, my version of 'sloppy' was the best wrapping skills on the team… which... may or may have not... included Kakashi...

_ I might've noticed. _

Taking in the rows and rows of perfectly aligned books, it was clear no one went over here much. The shelves were lined up so that each row had books of all the exact same height and were pushed towards the back so the spines laid rim-rod flat. If you've ever been to an actual library you'd know that no one ever put the books back so… perfectly. Not even the people paid to do it. I'd bet you anything that if I were to drag my finger across the top of the highest shelf it'd come back covered in dust.

_ Is it that they don't intrinsically make very good doctors? _ I asked, thinking that, while the Library of Kahona was all access, its clientele was almost exclusively shinobi. _ Like, is there a conflict with doctor jutsu and regular jutsu?  _

**No… I don't think so. ** Inner replied.  **It's just that you have to have a lot of control to use medical jutsu, and most shinobi don't have that.**

My hand danced across the titles.

_ How does it work? The medical jutsu thing? _

**How should I know?**

  
  


And that, my dear reader, is how I ended up on the floor for hours and hours, criss-cross applesauce, surrounded by medical texts that were  _ oh so  _ interesting but completely irrelevant to my primary bullshitary. There were books on the body, how it worked, how it could be exploited, what kinds of magical what-now could go in it, what kinds of kinds of magical what-how  _ shouldn't  _ go in it and  _ everything in between _ , but there was absolutely to be found explaining why  _ Bubblegum  _ of all people became a she-hulk. And the longer I flipped through various tomes that  _ I would be SO checking out later _ , the more worried I got. Looking out the overhead window across from the "Lore" section and into the night sky that had fallen, I fought the urge to bite my lip. It took the noble sacrifices of fourteen books for me just to  _ hold  _ one without breaking it. This strength... I had to do the chakra test with Mr. Military tomorrow, and me and my boys had our mission… how on earth was I gonna  _ hide _ this? 

**Maybe don't? ** Inner suggested, no doubt  _ beyond  _ tired of staring at long, latin sounding words all night (and how the hell did  _ that  _ work, I wondered. Rome wasn't a  _ thing  _ here!)  **Sensei might be able to help. **

I snorted, turning the page of the book in my hands with the gentleness akin to holding a butterfly's wings. The book in question was about chakra and its interaction with muscle. Apparently muscle was more fibery and less chemically, so chakra could slice and dice it but not dissolve it. If you wanted to dissolve it you had to  _ shove  _ (and I mean SHOVE) either lightning or fire chakra right where the muscle tendon met the bone. If done correctly, the target body then would go  _ holy shit what the actual fuck is this I didn't make this  _ and try to get rid of it (aka: dissolve) and then fail spectacularly because magic was way more badass than meger bodily enzymes. There were some small technicalities of course: if the target's immune system was shot then you just ended up killing them, if they were already a lighting or fire elemental in the first place then, congrats, you just gave them a small bruise and nothing else, and if your personal chakra wasn't very strong/ potent, then you were a weak ass bitch and, in the exact words of the author who I related to on a spiritual despite never having met them, 'why did you even try'?

_ Would he though?  _ I wondered.  _ Would he really help us? _

Inner paused, thinking it over.  **Why wouldn't he? He's not the nicest person ever, but he ** ** _is_ ** ** our sensei.**

I grumbled into my hands, running them over my thighs to relieve some tension.  _ He didn't say  _ ** _anything_ ** _ when he saw me this morning. I'm not in a T&I cell, yes, but even I'VE noticed I'm not doing a very good job at being inconspicuous. I mean, you  _ ** _saw_ ** _ me this morning. As a jounin… shouldn't he have caught on? Or at least asked about it? _

Inner hummed.  **Well… yeah… I suppose so…. But isn't that what you wanted? Him to ** ** _not _ ** **catch on? It makes it easier for us and it's not like you can explain this.**

I grimaced, closing the book. Yes  _ this _ : being in a little girl's body in murder child world. Oh the joys of being me…

_ Yeah.  _ I sighed.  _ You're right. It just… worries me. How has he not noticed anything? I wasn't exactly in perfect form today. Or yesterday. Probably won't be for any day… ever… It's just… I mean, I don't know how the student-teacher system is operated here in Kohona, but I'm on a team with Naruto and Sasuke. Sasuke alone should've warranted a background check on me. Sensei had to have had  _ ** _some _ ** _ sort of expectations, right? I mean, regardless of what they were, there's no way I met them.  _

Inner sighed too, hanging her non-head with me. There was a headache building between my eyes that I just straight-out ignored. We had enough problems. 

**That is… true. ** She amended with a mumble.

Turning my head towards the ceiling, I allowed myself a moment of self pity. For one moment, I anguished over the lack of answers I had available, the lack of information I had at my fingertips, and for just not having a clue. Oh how I  _ hated _ feeling lost… 

90 seconds later I sighed, pathetically groaned, and then ungraciously slammed my book shut and dropped it on the floor. Moment over: time to stop feeling sorry for myself and start doing actual helpful things.

First one up? Accessing my chakra.

_ Probably a good idea to give it a go before Mr. Military sees _ , I thought, settling myself in a meditative stance. Taking a few deep breaths, I closed my eyes and looked inward.

Finding one's chakra actually wasn't as hard as you might think. If you've ever drank an ice-cold glass of water on a hella-hot day, you know the feeling of something being in your body that was different. And that difference, once you notice it, is  _ fucking impossible to ignore. _ (I noticed it after I almost choked on my food earlier… do you know how hard it is to have a come-to-jesus meeting with two twelve year olds when you have a bucket of ice cold water sitting in your chest?) Once you find that 'difference', to find your chakra core you just close your eyes, relax, and follow the rabbit hole until you get a mental image of what you're looking at.

Bubblegum's memory had her chakra core looking like a kind of small pool-like water thing, rippling and wriggling when touched. My pool, however… uh… haha…. weeeeeellllllllll….

_ Inner.  _ I whined, taking in the mental image in front of me. I could  _ feel _ Inner's urge to hit her non-existent head against a wall.

**I see it, Wannabe. ** She deadpanned. 

_ I  _ ** _swear_ ** _ I didn't touch anything. _

**I know Wannabe.**

_ It wasn't my fault! _

**I highly doubt it Wannabe.**

Resisting the urge to scream, I found I couldn't argue. The good news? It was still a water-like thing that rippled and wiggled when touched. The news that made me certain the universe hated me? My pool… was less a pool and more like a lake. Not like a big lake, mind you, but more like those little man-made lakes people put in parks. It rippled and swayed and twisted like those blobs in lava lamps, which was good, but it was_ so _not supposed to be that size. Bubblegum's memory had her's at less than half the blue blob displayed before me.

_ What did I do?!  _ I mentally cried. Experimentally poking at it, I sulked. The blob itself felt cool and crisp, like fresh spring water, and it sunk inward at my nudge: following my every wish and whim like a well trained puppy. The size, however, refused to adjust.

**Maybe it's just compensating for your crazy. ** Inner muttered, poking at it from the other side.

I grumbled, watching it wiggle and giggle.

_ It  _ ** _is_ ** _ not.  _ I argued.  _ Chakra can't compensate for crazy because 'crazy' isn't… a part…- _

My line of thought derailed before I could finish. 'Crazy isn't a part of the equation' is what I wanted to say, but I couldn't get it out properly as something  _ else  _ occured to me. I gaped, horrified as all the possible dots connected. Chakra was a combination of mental  _ and  _ physical energy. C= M+P. And M… was usually a fixed number. And P was the one to compensate. So if the usual values were 2 and 3, C was 5. But if 2 suddenly became 19… almost overnight... 

Inner shook her head numbly, catching on.  **There's no ** ** _way_ ** **.**

I ran the numbers in every way I could imagine them. It… it wasn't completely…  _ not  _ possible… right? Mentally speaking, Bubblegum and I  _ were _ in different ballparks… and I was so  _ sure  _ she wasn't this strong in the show...

**Wha- ** Inner stuttered.  **You- you broke the doorknob!**

_ It's just a theory!  _ I said hastily, pulling out from my core. It was well beyond dark now and the library was most likely vacant save for me and the receptionist. As such, I allowed every expression I felt fly across my face. My current one? I call it the  _ what the actual fuck  _ face. The WTAF face, if you will.

**You couldn't have had ** ** _that _ ** **much mental energy stored up! ** She cried.

I defended.  _ How would I know?!? Before didn't keep track of that stuff! _

**You were only 22!! **

_ I was nuts! _

**And you still are! ** She declared.  **Do you know how much differentiation you'd need for our body to pick up this much slack?!? Not only that, but it'd kill us!**

_ I already died! _

**NOT LIKE THAT YOU IDIOT!**

I glared at nothing, reopening the book at my knees to a random page.  _ Well, how am I supposed to know anything about it?!  _ I seethed.  _ It's not like there's a manual for these types of things!! I don't even know where Bubblegum  _ ** _started_ ** _ ! _

**WELL NEITHER DO I!! ** Inner screamed. It rang in my ears like tornado sirens in the dead of night, startling me into ripping the page in my hands in half and forgetting whenever anger I was building up. 

I blinked, blankly staring at my newest sacrifice. RIP book number 15. I'm sorry Ms. Receptionist.  _ You don't?  _ I asked dumbly.  _ Don't you… like… live there? _

I could feel Inner shuffle uncomfortably.  **Sakura didn't… talk to me like you do. ** She admitted quietly.  **She ignored me.**

_ Ignored you?  _ I thought, amazed.  _ HOW? _

**Hey! ** Inner whined. ** I'm not that bad!**

I laughed.  _ You aren't, you aren't. But still…  _ I ventured, _ she never responded? Not once? _

**I don't think she could hear me. ** Inner whispered.  **She didn't see me like you do.**

_ No? But you're so  _ ** _loud_ ** .

**Wannabe! ** She cried.

_ Not sorry.  _ I bantered.

I grinned at the shelf in front of me, sobering after I caught the beginnings of dawn peeking through the overhead frames. Looking down and taking in the ripped pages in my hands and the sheer lack of answers I had found, I had to smother a wave of self pity. It was such a depressing picture: me and Inner, a ripped book, yet another night with no sleep, and a long list of questions with no real answers.

_ What time is our mission tomo- today?  _ I asked tiredly.

**Seven.**

I peeked at the large analog clock decorating the arch over the entrance reading "5:15" and then over to the other rows of books that had gotten no love. We needed something fun, I decided. 

_ Summoning or genjutsu?  _ I asked.

**… You're asking me?**

_ Inner.  _ I sighed.  _ Come on now. We're supposed to be the smart ones. Just who else would I be asking? _

Inner looked at me suspiciously.  **Are you... adopting me?**

_ Just pick a subject woman. _

**You're ** ** _actually_ ** ** adopting a voice in your head?**

_ I'll give sensei a lap dance tomorrow.  _ I promised threateningly.  _ Do not test me. _

**Genjutsu! Genjutsu! I PICK GENJUTSU!**


	13. Chapter 13

By the time I finally managed to gather enough self control to actually exit the most beautiful place I'd ever seen in my life, it was time for our mission and I was only marginally less clueless about the she-hulk thing then when I went in. There were theories, yes, but  _ only  _ theories. It seemed that my problem was rare enough that whatever it was wasn't common knowledge. That, or I had the wrong section and would just have to go back again later with hopefully less destructive tendencies.

**At least you didn't break the library's door.** Inner commented cheerily. She was in a considerably better mood than before, which was nice, but I had reservations about exactly  _ what  _ had her so happy.

After several hours of combing through book after book with no answers in sight, Inner and I both collectively agreed for the sake of our sanity and our sleep to scrap the whole "why" part of the equation and just run with what was now our she-hulk life. Since I absolutely refused to live a life where I couldn't hold a book without tearing it to itty bitty pieces, we began on the "what now" portion instead- also known as Project: Can We not Break Shit Please?. Under the assumption that this was a chakra issue, (because, honestly, if it was anything else  _ but  _ a chakra issue I had no fucking idea what I was gonna do) we went into the 'chakra control' portion of the library and got started on the excersises listed in what I assumed to be a beginner's book. And Inner, my lovely, inescapable psychotic voice, had been high as a kite ever since.

**Of course I am! ** She sang with glee. It was in an ugly falsetto and completely off rhythm to the sound of my footsteps (which I somehow knew she was trying to achieve), but it was bathed in so much pride I was sure it could've echoed across the entire street we were crossing had she had a voice. We were only a few feet from the training ground now.  **That chakra exercise should've taken a few hours but we did it in MINUTES!**

Inner apparently had a hidden superiority kink.

_ Hours?  _ I asked lazily, entering a suspiciously intact training ground and sending my already present boys a wave.  _ It was just a leaf. _

**Stuck to our forehead with ** ** _chakra_ ** **. ** Inner corrected importantly.  ** _While standing up_ ** .

_ Ah. Yes. How could I forget? _

I had almost questioned my ability to operate on no sleep when I first saw what the book described, but after flipping through the other both equally ridiculous and equally odd exercises recommended for  _ after _ one walked around with leaves stuck to various parts of their person, I just accepted that Here was a weird place and maybe-  _ just maybe-  _ I should sleep tonight. And then, of course, completed the exercise.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto cheered. "You're here!"

He was perched next to an irate Sasuke, eagerly waving back at me from the vicinity of Vlad the log like a puppy greeting its owner.

"Shut it, dumbass. We were  _ told _ to meet up here." Sasuke muttered into his palm, sending me a begrudging nod. I had started equating him to a cat: huffy and puffy that you dared intrude on his space, but surprisingly clingy when you tried to leave. It was illegally cute.

Taking note of the clearing as I went to lay against a tree propped at the edge of Vlad's less important sibling, I couldn't help but notice something important. 

"Sensei's not here?" I sighed with more of a statement than an actual question. We saw this coming, but it was still aggravating to experience in its actualization.

Sasuke and Naruto quietly grumbled, agreeing with the thought. "No…"

"I don't suppose either of you know how long he'll be?"

The sulking silence that followed was all the answer I needed. I huffed, sitting upright and doing my best to ignore my annoyance. Well, alrighty then: sensei was an irresponsible, habitually late person that was somehow in charge of our wellbeing while we were indoctrinated into a politically polite military state, but had no actual plans to  _ help _ us be indoctrinated, only just to present us to the nearest authority and hope we don't die.  _ Fucking wonderful.  _ Jesus. Now what?

I mulled it over, playing with the grass at my feet. "Well…" I drew out slowly, "I guess we never  _ did _ figure out what to do while sensie's off doing whatever it is he does the last time we talked."

My boys perked up.

"Let's train!" Naruto exclaimed, throwing a fist in the air with a bright grin. Sasuke dodged the flying appendage with a slight hiss (It was completely unfair how cute he was, I thought with a sigh. Perhaps I should swap his nickname from Mr. Cool to Mr. Kitty?) but looked almost slightly pleased by the suggestion. I agreed with an affirmative hum.

"How should we train?" I asked, thinking about the mission we had once the  _ adult finally fucking showed up. _ "We can't be too excessive."

"Let's spar!" Naruto suggested.

I shrunk, a brief flashback of my unfortunate door knob flashing across my eyes. I couldn't conjure up the memory Bubblegum had of her parents buying it. What metal was that made out of again? Was it stronger than human bones? "Uuuuhhhh…"

"Dumbass." Sasuke broke in with his all important sneer. It was almost envy inducing how much pride a twelve year old could have. Just when did I lose that again, I wondered. What age? "You wouldn't be able to keep up."

"Hey! What do you mean by that?!" Naruto scowled, leaning to get in Sasuke's face.

I hummed from my pile of ripped up blades of grass (It was a compulsion. Sue me.), arbitrarily amused. They looked like a cat and a dog squabbling. "Mmm… same goes for me." I commented, not denying Sasuke's claim. Pride aside, he wasn't  _ wrong _ . Sasuke had the greatest overall combat ability out of the three of us. "I probably wouldn't be able to if we tried… my physical condition is atrocious."

"Don't you ever train?" Sasuke snidded, subtly leaning further away from Naruto. Naruto didn't notice. 

"I do," I said, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. It was still in its poor excuse for a pony tail. "But more in a 'work-smarter-not-harder' kind of way. Last night it was chakra control exercises. Did you know if you have enough control you can mold chakra into a tangible weapon?"

"Really?" Sasuke asked, interested.

"Yeah." I said with a nod. After my time in the library I learned there were oodles and oodles of things one could do with chakra with enough control, many of them taking space on my Things to Investigate list. "I'm working to be able to do that one day."

"Whoa! Sounds cool!" Naruto fawned, gently hopping up and down in his seat. Sasuke looked still looked sceptical, the little asshole. "But... what's ca-kra?"

_ Eh? _

My hand froze at the base of my neck. Together in a frightening display of unison, Sasuke and I stared at him, trying to judge if he was serious. He… was. Sasuke balked at the little orange man at the same time Inner and I mentally groaned. 

**Your dog is a dumbass.** Inner muttered, non-hands in her non-face.

_ Person _ , I corrected.

**Same difference.**

"How… the hell did you even pass dumbass?" Sasuke demanded, looking at Naruto like he was an evolved form of worm. 

Naruto bristled, defensive. "Hey! Iruka-sensei passed me fair and square!"

" _ Alright _ ," I cut in with a wave, stopping the impending argument before it could form. I had a sinking suspicion that this would become a large part of my life. "Alright. Let's dial down the theatrics, boys. Naruto's not an academic and probably won't ever be so there's no need to yell at each other."

"But Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined. 

Sasuke grunted into the palm of his hand, obviously declaring arguing further as a waste of his time. "It's ridiculous."

"But fixable." I interjected as soon as Naruto went to say something back. "Not  _ everyone _ can be a genius like a certain grump I could mention."

Sasuke glared at me and grass twisted in my fingers. "... Grump?"

Naruto laughed at his obliviousness, settling back. "She's talking about  _ you _ , bastard. Isn't it obvious?" Sasuke didn't reply so much as try to burn holes into his forehead, which only made Naruto laugh harder. "You really need to work on your people skills."

Sasuke sniffed, turning away. "I don't need them."

"You just say that because you're bad at them." Naruto jeered.

Turning my attention back to my growing botanical burial ground, I hummed. "Well… there's a thought." I said, scooping the small green pieces into a neat mound as compulsion dictates. 

"What?" They asked in unison. 

"Well… the things that we're bad at? We could work with each other on those. I could help Naru with academics, Naru could help Sasuke with his people skills, and Sasuke could help me with my physical condition." I elaborated, folding my legs in a diamond shape around my new creation. It looked great, but it needed a stick or something in the middle. For aesthetic. 

"My people skills are fine." Sasuke muttered, crossing his arms.

Naruto looked at him like he was nuts. "No they're not!" He said. "Just yesterday you made that girl cry!"

I blinked, looking up from my search. "You made a girl cry?"

Mr. Cool had the decency to blush, turning his face to the side. "It's not my fault!" He argued, oddly defensive. "If she didn't want me to say anything then she shouldn't have spoken to the dumbass like that!"

I blinked once more, hand hovering over the perfect size twig, startled. "What?"

"But that happens all the time, Bastard!" Naruto defended cilverously. My head bounced back and forth between the two of them completely lost. "You didn't have to make her cry!"

"Wait." I abandoned my creation with a sweep of my calf, hands half in the air.

"She called you 'it'!" Sasuke hissed.

"Wait,  _ what? _ "

"It happens!" Naruto brushed off. "It's no big deal!"

"OO _ KAY _ " I shouted before Sasuke could reply, springing to my feet in a shower of green and physically inserting myself in between them. "Full story boys. Right now. Start to finish. What's this about calling you an 'it'?"

I looked back and forth between them, struggling to contain my expression. The way both Naruto and Sasuke looked at the ground guilty sounded alarm bells in my brain, and my maternal side rose up with a righteous fury. 

"It's not a big deal…" Naruto tried.

I looked down at him blankly, eyes dead.

Inner skirted to the furthest corner of my mind, shivering.  **Has it always been this murderous in here? ** She asked no one in particular. I ignored her in favor of the children at my feet. 

" _ Explain. _ "

Sasuke gulped in what could be objectively considered fear. "Dumb- Ah, Naruto" he corrected as my eyes strained on him, "followed me home yesterday-"

"I did not!" Naruto objected, flinching when I turned on him. "We... live in the same direction…" I watched him trail off in fear and turned back to Sasuke with a 'go on' motion.

"Well…" Sasuke treaded lightly, "he dragged me into that shit store by the herbal apothecary -"

"I didn't drag you!" Naruto squawked from behind me. "And they have a good ramen selection!"

"-and the ugly burnett at the countertop-"

"Her name is Yuki!" He yipped. "And she's not ugly!"

"-told him to get lost since 'it didn't belong there'-"

The hand at my side twitched, something both icy and burning racing through me. I carved the name Yuki into my memory. It? She referred to Naru as an it? 

"It- it's not a big deal…"

Sasuke sent a sharp look around me and continued. "So I asked her on what grounds  _ she  _ belonged there-"

"And he kept pressing her until she cried!" Naruto picked up, practically glowing in her perceived injustice. "Sakura-chan, you should've seen it, he was so mean!"

I looked at them in turn, blankly, and in a  _ very calculated _ gentleness that I  _ really  _ didn't want to uphold, I backed away from them, hand resting on the tree I sat against just minutes before.

_ Calm thoughts. Calm thoughts. Calm thoughts. _

"Naru." I asked, forcing my tone to be pleasant. Based on how both Naruto  _ and  _ Sasuke inched away from me in the same way a rabbit would inch away from a wolf, I wasn't sure I was successful. Inner laughed nervously from her corner. "Is this girl working today? Do you know?"

"... why?"

"I just want to talk to her."

Naruto averted my eyes, face pale.

"What?"

".... when you say it... with such a face…" he muttered, trembling.

"I'll keep my hands to myself." I promised.

Sasuke scoffed quietly at the ground, looking no less terrified. Inner started rocking back and forth.

**It's… getting a little hard to breathe in here…**

_ You don't breathe. _

"You don't have to do that Sakura-chan." Naruto attempted to placate nervously. "It's no big deal."

"Treating a human as an object is a big deal, Naruto." I replied robotically. Fury, livid, burning, maternal fury, was making my voice shake to the point I couldn't recognize the sounds I was making. It sounded deeper than I was capable of.

"It… doesn't matter…"

"She's not the only one." Sasuke cut in the second my mouth opened. It was a good thing, too, since I wasn't sure I was calm enough to speak. Some cannon-fodder bitch referred to my child as 'it' and  _ it didn't  _ ** _matter?_ ** "The whole first district calls him it behind his back."

My response was inhuman in its blankness. "Come again."

My anger was turning into something dark and ugly. It was a creature of pure malience and detached intellectual rage, hissing a screaming how  _ easy  _ it would be to make someone disappear in a world where death is a constant friend, how  _ close  _ our target was if I would just turn my working fists against the girl and not the air curled around my palm, and  _ how dare  _ ** _they-_ ** I wanted nothing more than to hit the tree behind me. I wanted to rip it from its roots and use it as the perfect aesthetic for Yuki's torso. I wanted her  **gone** .

"E-eh? That's not-"

"They call him a monster." Sasuke stated, watching me as if he was seeing me for the first time. "A demon."

I blanked, a familiar feeling crawling up from my bones. Hollow. Empty. Far far away from my incinerated body and shaking limbs.

_ Inner. _

She flinched.

**Y-yeah?**

_ I forgot something. _

**Hah… Di- did you?** Inner commented, curling as far away from me as my mind would allow. 

_ … Inner. _

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto prodded nervously. 

I felt like I was digging a hole in a field of nothing. Searching for a space of air in a cloud of mist.

_ INNER.  _

Inner locked her non-lips.  **Was it… perhaps... the plot?**

_ … plot? _

**Yeah. ** She shook, ** It's- it's right here next to me with the lists…? You know… the People to Make Suffer list, the Things to Investigate list, and Fix it Later list… the ones you made, remember…? See? 'Naruto has the Nine Tailed fox in hi- HOLY SHIT!**

My control snapped.

Visions, hundreds of visions of a life I no longer could have staring scene after scene of a life that wasn't mine- wasn't  _ supposed to be  _ mine- with a girl in love and a boy in pain and another boy holding the world on his shoulders cascaded  _ practically collided  _ with the forefront of my mind. The boy. The fox. The hate.

The bridge. The exams. The war.

The insects crawling around the woodwork. 

The prophecy.

_ The coup-  _ ** _oh god the COUP-_ **

My body moved reflexively, lashing out at the nearest target, throwing all my fear and fury and everything I wanted out of me-  _ get out of me  _ ** _get OuT _ ** _ of me- _ into a physical form for some hope of peace. My fist connected the tree with no resistance, concaving it inward and throwing it backward, raining splinters and bark and green as it took out everything behind it, striking down a sizable portion of plant life in a domino effect I could only hope didn't include human life.

"Wha-?!"

"What the-?!

Inner sighed at me, noting from her corner the numerous splinters of wood now stuck in my aching fist and the shell shocked teammates looking at me in something that wasn't quite fear but something close.  **Wannabe. Weren't we trying to ** ** _hide _ ** **this?**

I peeked at the undeniable destruction behind me, feeling calmer and more centered.

"Oh. Oops."

  
  
  



	14. Chapter 14

"-So in conclusion," I ended, trying very hard not to look at my boys or the throughly unnerved militia man that _of _**_fucking _**_course _had to make his fabulous entrance- his grandeous appearance after already being over half an hour late- the _very _moment I **_destroyed six fucking trees _**with the swing of one fist, "I, too, am going 'what the fuck' and don't have the slightest idea as to why that happens."

As I speak I wave a hand to 'that', as if the vague circular motion could somehow explain why what were previously six strong oak trees the size of  _ buildings  _ were now masquerading as firewood (to which, understandably, both my boys and Sensei said nothing- instead opting for looking at me like I told them I was reincarnated from another world where there was no such thing as chakra (insane, right?) or gaping at the mess I just made. All and all, I understood the feeling.)

Somewhere from her corner, Inner groaned at my commentary. She hadn't moved from her sanctuary, even after I'd calmed down, so the action felt almost far away.  **'I woke up like this'? Really? You couldn't have put a little more effort into that explanation?**

_ Just what else am I supposed to say?  _ I demanded, rocking on the heels of my feet and smiling apologetically at Naruto who, for his part, was still shaking slightly.  _ I ate a devil fruit?  _

Inner glowered in response.  **We don't HAVE those.** She hissed.

"And it started two days ago?" Sensei asked, tone severe and eyes focused. Suddenly, sensei appeared to be  _ very  _ invested in my well being and for a moment he almost felt like an actual responsible adult. Having such focus on me… I decided, instantly, on the spot, not to worry about it. Because not only did I not have the mental capacity to worry about his sudden attention on my person, I didn't have the  _ time. _ Because- fuck me sideways, can you actually believe this shit- the anime that was now my life had _ a plot _ . An actual fucking plot. A plot, mind you, that I was not only trying to somehow scramble my existence somewhere therein, but was also a complete  _ bitch  _ to both me and my boys the entire way. Because really? Between the war, the pedophile snake man, and the doppelganger carrot top,  _ it was just  _ ** _ridiculous_ ** . I mean… I had, what, a month until the big sword guy? Maybe more? Such nonsense came far  _ far  _ ** _far _ ** above a lazy pervert that finally decided to pay attention to his charges. ( _ Death threats and destruction  _ I noted silently.  _ That's all that's gotten his attention so far _ .) 

Inner gently nudged my attention back into existence before it could run away too far.  **Sensei's still waiting for an answer. ** She muttered.

I pulled myself out of my half baked contingency plans with a slight sulk. There was so much to  _ do. _

"Ahh… I think so…?" I hummed, pointedly not looking anywhere near my mess and keeping my hands in sight. I tried looking at my boys instead, but their worried faces made my chest ache so I turned my attention to the blank space to the right of Kakashi's hair flip. (I tucked away the questionable physics that struck me immediately after. I didn't have time for that either, but it's worth mentioning that the way his hair flopped over _ shouldn't be possible _ given its mass. Like, what the fuck?)

"I only properly noticed after I crushed my doorknob yesterday evening," I explained, making a squeezing motion with my fist. I wasn't sure how to feel about the way Sasuke gulped as I did it. It wasn't like I was scary or anything… right? "It rumpled. Like clay."

An uncomfortable shutter went through the three of them. I would've been lying if I said it didn't hurt.

**You're a tiny girl with she-hulk strength, ** Inner comforted.  **They'll adjust.**

_ If you say so... _

"You couldn't do that before?" Naruto asked, eyeing my fingers like they were liable to explode. It still stung, but I was objective enough to acknowledge that was, unfortunately, fair. I  _ did  _ just implode a tree after all… and human bones were surprisingly fragile. But even so, I didn't like the fear in his eyes. I didn't like his so very blue eyes looking at me,  _ any part  _ of me, like I was something dangerous. He was my child. It wasn't like I was going to hurt him. Sasuke, too, looked weary. 

Turning the feeling spreading around my throat over in my head, I assigned it the word "guilt". It wasn't the  _ proper  _ word, mind you, but it was close enough. After a moment's indecision I reached over and smoothed my hand over Naruto's hair, swallowing several feelings that rose up when he flinched. 

_ Like a dog _ I reminded myself, running my hand over it a few more times, enjoying how soft it was. It was like retriever's fur. The long haired type. With each pass Naruto relaxed just a fraction more.  _ Slow and steady like meeting a frightened puppy. Don't take offense.  _

"Not to that extent." I replied, looking over and beckoning Sasuke to us with my other hand. I wanted to pet him too. He gave me a disdainful look in response- such a prideful little boy- but moved to my other side, outside of arm's reach. It wasn't what I wanted, but hey: beggars can't be choosers. "I've broken things when I was angry, though."

In front of us Sensie hummed, hands stuffed into his pockets and obviously turning courses of action over in his head. The sun behind him had risen significantly, and if my sun clocking skills had improved any since yesterday then our mission was due to begin soon. 

"Huh. Well... this does warrant some investigation," he dragged out slowly, scratching the back of his head (another physics question had to be squashed- fuck me and my ADHD brain), "but since it's not hurting anyone right now… I guess we'll just leave it."

My hand paused, mid stroke.

"Leave it?" I asked disbelievingly with a long, slow blink. Sasuke, Naruto, and I sent each other telling looks around Kakashi's slumped stature, baring a silent exchange that went something like:

He can't be serious.

Not hurting anyone? Is he blind?

Welp. I'm screwed.

Sasuke's face pinched further.

Ignorant to our unspoken conversation (or just uncaring, it could be either at this point), Sensei flashed us a smile (or what I assumed to be a smile. As it was, the mask wasn't making my life any easier. Why did he wear that thing anyways? Wasn't he aware Kohona was hot?) and pressed onwards. "Time for our mission." He declared, turning on his heel and stalking off before we could even attempt to argue. His legs were long and, as thus, his stalk was  _ fast. _

Staring at his back then back at me, Naruto bit his bottom lip in worry. "Is it really ok, Sakura-chan?"

Taking in Sasuke's similar expression, I ran my hand through my hair with a tired sigh. To be truly honest, 'just leaving it' sounded like a horrible idea somewhere on par with that one time my brother decided to jump off the roof Before. But with Kakashi moving onwards and us effectively having no say in the matter, it wasn't like we had much of a choice. It's not as if I had any better solution. But Naruto was worried so I did my best to ease his concern, even if every word was a lie.

"Ah, not really love," I say, words thick on my tongue. I was a good liar, a great one even, but I've never liked being one. I'd much prefer both giving and receiving hard truths over pretty lies. I had to remind myself Naruto is young and still sweet to get it out properly, but it still tasted bitter. "But it will be in time. I'm getting better at keeping it under wraps with each passing hour, you know."

Sasuke, my wonderful little genius, catches on immediately and his eyes light up in understanding. "The chakra control exercises."

I nodded, trailing behind Sensei with a confidence I didn't feel. My boys stayed at my side, both curious and concerned. "Yeah. Since it seems to have  _ something  _ to do with chakra, that's what I've been doing. I've gotten pretty good, but it's still a work in progress."

Sasuke nodded in understanding. Naruto looked less assured.

"But still… Sakura-chan, don't you worry? What if something's wrong? What if you break something you're not supposed to? What if you can't control it?" Naruto asked.

As we made our way to follow our more-worrying-by-the-second adult, my mind flashed to the giant fox that I somehow forgot existed: full of hate, locked in a box with a questionably short leash, and under the security of a young and sweet twelve year old boy. 

**Bijou have a terrifying amount of chakra at their disposal. ** Inner said softly.  **It must be scary for him.**

I could only agree. Bubblegum's knowledge of the fox was limited due to the fact that she wasn't the type to  _ investigate  _ anything, instead just listening and memorizing, but the information she did give me had me likening Naruto's burden to someone attempting to hold a hurricane in a glass jar: destructive, overpowered, and precariously withheld. It had to be terrifying. 

"Then…" I trailed off, fishing for the words. I was never good at this whole  _ comforting  _ thing. "I will do what I can… and always strive to do better."

"It's not scary?" Sasuke asked unexpectedly from my left before Naruto could respond. He struck me as young: looking for assurance amongst the backdrop of collapsed foliage. I tried not to think too hard on his situation and the acts of the village I was now currently in service of. I would need at least 12 hours of sleep before I jumped _that _particular hurdle, and I could only worry about so many things at a time. 

"It is." I admitted, thinking of how that tree could've just as easily been Naruto or Sasuke or Ino or some random person that didn't sign up to pay the price for my lack of control, "but…" 

I sighed again, redoing my hair out of habit. I thought of the test and how it made me shake and panic to the point of slicing my hand. I thought of the headband wrapped around my neck and how the very implications of it was enough to freeze me with fear. I thought about the future held in store for us and the two little boys at my side, how much it scared me- and  _ holy shit  _ did it  ** _scare me_ ** ,  _ I was so  _ ** _SCARED- _ ** and what could happen if I ignored it and what could happen if I didn't.

"If I let that stop me…" I continued, gazing up at the open sky, "nothing would ever get done."

I didn't have time to be scared, I decided.

There was so much to do.

  
  
  


So in regards to our mission, I found out there was good news, bad news, worse news and news that made me think that maybe-  _ just maybe _ \- there  _ was _ a kind god out there somewhere that I really needed to start worshiping.

You see, the good news was that our mission was simple, uncomplicated, and required little to no intellectual effort. As someone who hadn't slept for two days, I was  _ so  _ down for that.

The bad news? Said mission was to paint a really, really, really long fence (think  _ miles _ ) an off-white color at the request of one  _ very  _ grumpy and outspoken old man who thought that the state of the Elemental Nations was deteriorating at a rapid speed and we children were to blame. 

The worse news was that Mr. Invested became Mr. Invisible the moment our mission began, and it somehow became  _ my _ job to both keep my understandably disgruntled boys on task and keep them away from each other's throats while simultaneously keeping the old man's nephew at a polite arms length (like, yes, I know Bubblegum is irresistible but  _ no thank you) _ and my own temper in check.

But.

But.

_ But _ .

It was ok, you see, because God was watching over me. 

Because.

_ Because. _

_ BECAUSE. _

Take three guesses as to who the old man's  _ niece  _ was.

  
  


**Hands to yourself Wannabe.**

_ No promises. _

  
  



	15. Chapter 15

As it was, I recognized the gift given to me by my newest deity (I've started referring to them as Artemis, and for every reason you're thinking. If that too-hot-to-handle hunter didn't enjoy some womanly love every now and again, I'd confine myself to the Kitty Chamber for all eternity). Really, I did. This right now? It was a gift! No bones about it. And it's not that I wasn't thankful (because _ holy shit _ was I THANKFUL- I was about to declare my undying allegiance to Artemis the moment I spotted those buns) but honestly… this would've been a whole lot better if I knew how to _ fucking flirt. _

"Sorry about my brother," TenTen apologized shyly, rubbing the back of her neck. Her voice was softer than I'd imagined it being given how much badassery she had (will have?) going on, but I wasn't complaining. It was like fucking _ velvet. _ I nodded in response, consumed by gay panic. From her hands to her face to her neck to her pretty ass eyes, her skin was flawless. Absolutely flawless. And, somehow, some way, she smelled like _ incense _. Like sage and sandalwood. God help me. "He has a thing for pretty girls."

From my position at the door I tried to remember how to speak. Part of me lamented my decision to all but _shove _my boys out the door the second our mission ended (I told them to go to the training ground because, get this: Mr. Military didn't actually _tell us _what we were supposed to do afterwards. Thanks to Bubblegum's info dump I knew we had to present our mission report to the Hokage, but that required the presence of our jonin sensei who was _who-fucking-knows _where. I know. Helpful, right?) but most of me was caught up on the word 'pretty'. She thought I was pretty? The Knife Wielding Badass thought I was pretty???

I flashed a look at myself in the window of her home, trying to find what she saw. My reflection looked like hell, as I assumed what was the new usual. Weird.

"But you did a great job keeping him away from you." She continued, flashing me a kind smile. She was a vision: standing in the entryway of a floral-laced foyer, colored in blue and grey and silver tones, sporting a soft smile like a goddess greeting her warriors back from battle. In that moment, I mentally decided I needed to build Artemis a temple like… yesterday. TenTen I-don't-even-care-what-last-name was sugar and spice. She was whiskey and honey and all soft edges and sharp curves and her eyes glinted with the promise of punishment for her brother- hell maybe even me- and _ holy shit _ I needed to get to know this girl better, like, _ yesterday. _"Honestly, I was surprised how quickly he got the hint. Did you say anything to him?"

"I told him to keep his hands to himself or I'd break it and impale him with his own radius." I responded dumbly, numbed by the miracle drawn before me. If this was the type of karma I was gonna get by dealing with the fuckery that was shinobi life and Bubblegum's future, I was _ ready. _

Somewhere in my fuzzed brain, Inner groaned. **You gay disastor…**

I wasn't listening, too busy with something _ far _more important: TenTen. 

And TenTen insert-whatever-last-name-here was hot. Like, a five alarm fire in the middle of the Suna desert hot. Taking in her magnificence, I could only wonder how _ the fuck _ Before managed to make her look so plain?!? I mean, granted, brown hair and brown eyes weren't the easiest of features to draw like an earthen fae walking out of the woods, but _ com'on! _ She was so… so… so stunning! Her build was a little broader than mine, her skin a little darker (tanner, like caramel dipped in sunlight), but her hair wasn't just _ brown _ \- it was chestnut and oak and shimmering chocolate. Her eyes were lighter too: pools of rough wood and flecks of amber and _ holy shit were they changing color??? _ Fuck. They were. Not fair. Too sexy for this earth. Jesus. 

Eyeing her easily effortless hairdo (which was, by the way, _ cute as all fuck), _I mentally fanned my face. If her hair was as long as I thought it was wrapped up in those criminally unjust buns, I was going to legit die. Like, right now. In front of her door. Jesus.

She laughed (my brain scrambled. Laughed! At me? I did that, right? Good sign??), placing a hand on her hip in a flair of movement. 

**That's not her eyes, Wannabe. **Inner grumbled, watching where my attention strayed.

_ Oops. _

"Straight-foward," she said, lighting up like a tiger's stone thrown in a fire. It was beautiful. I'd live for it. "I like that! You know, sometimes that's the only way guys like him will get the message."

"Uh-huh." I parroted back. Her mischievous grin was an absolute _ sin. _

"You did a good job at handling your teammates too." She complimented, pulling at her shirt slightly. It was well past noon and _ thank fucking god: _ Konoha was hot. God bless. _ Artemis _bless. "I was sure they were going to destroy the fence."

Every part of me caught fire. Was this flirting? Friendly? I had no clue. But why, oh _ why, _ was she so hot?? There was a glistening on her neck. I wanted to lick it.

**That's sexual assault.**

_ Shit. Right. Sorry. _

"They weren't." I said in an attempt to keep the conversation going. It was a complete lie. They _ totally _ were. But in their defense, they were twelve and Ms. Fae's grandfather was apparently an asshole with a gift for indirect insults. I had to all but threaten them into keeping the peace. "They're just… energetic."

TenTen shook her head with an understanding smile, pushing her bangs out of her face. "Yeah, one of mine is like that. Lee never stops moving. Although I don't think I've ever heard him use such… colorful words before."

I hummed guiltily. Outsiders _ would _find Sasuke's and Naruto's particular brand of friendship worrying, wouldn't they? "They don't really mean it." I say with a fond smile. "I think it's their love language."

She giggled at that. I nearly fainted.

"I meant what they were muttering about grandpa."

My mind flashing back to the very _ long _ 6 hours I just had with what seemed to be an _ undying _ commentary, I drew back slightly. _ That _.

"Oh. Sorry." I said. 

It was a complete lie. I wasn't sorry. Not in the slightest. That old man deserved _ every fucking word _ we threw to the wind and I'd fucking do it again.

"Don't be." She sighed with a wave of her hand. From her face I could tell this wasn't a new subject for her. Dropping her voice so the man in question couldn't hear her (which was, in my opinion, completely unnecessary. Yes, he was lounging in the loveseat not even on the other end of the foyer, but if today's shouting was anything to go by that man was _deaf_), "He's just like that- always going on about how we're poisoning the shinobi system with our childish dreams. I think it was the war, to be honest."

"Ah." I said.

In a way, I understood. It wasn't a new concept for me- one I was fairly certain was universal. War changed everyone, no matter where they were. That didn't mean he had to be a dick though. 

"I take it you're not a fan?" I asked.

She gave me a pained smile. "I love him, I really do, but I could do without some of his more... traditional views." She peeked back at the old man in the loveseat with a conflicted expression, one bathed in an underlying fury.

"The ones that say you should be preparing to support your respectable husband and not playing a man's game." I say more than ask.

She blinked, surprised. "How did-?"

"He told me that when I went to get him some water earlier." I explained. Clients weren't required to stay for the duration of the mission, especially for D-ranks, but that didn't stop this old man any. And, my burning anger and righteous fury aside, he _ was _ old and Kohona _ was _ hot. Knowing my luck he was probably going to suffer a heat stroke, and then that of course would become _ my problem _ so I offered. (I also broke the glass once I caught onto what he was saying and now had even _ more _bandages across my poor little palms, but that wasn't important. It's the thought that counts.)

"Ah, yeah. That. Sorry."

"It's fine." I wave off. "If he's like that, then he's just like that. And it doesn't look like you listened." I continued, looking pointedly at the military pouch on her hip with a small smirk.

She sent me a grin, pointing at mine. "Neither did you."

I laughed, leaning back in sickeningly fake despair. "Oh dear." I cry, pressing a dainty hand to my chest. "It looks like we're outliers now. _ Whatever _ will we do? Surely _ no _ respectable man will marry us in such a state."

Tenten brought her hand to her face to cover a snort. It was beautiful. "Marry each other and beat them into the ground?"

"Pinky promise?" I asked gleefully, batting my eyelashes and leaning forward. "I'll give you their heads for our wedding vows."

"Oh no, no." She crackled with a wave of her hand. "Far too messy. Just their shattered pride will do!" 

"I'll get in writing." I promised. "Use it to decorate the venue."

"Tears decorating the paper?"

"Only the best for my queen."

We laughed together, TenTen crackling so hard that she had to lean on the doorframe for support. "I _ like _ you! My name's TenTen by the way." She introduced, sticking out her hand.

"Sakura." I introduce with a lavish bow and a sly wink. "Now, as much as I'd love to get to know my queen further," I say taking her hand and giving it a comically weak jiggle, "it seems I am needed elsewhere. There's smoke coming from our training grounds."

Her responding laugh made me really, really wish I was lying, but the reflection in her window was merciless. I could see it: black plumes and a future headache just for me.

"Best check on my boys." I continue with an apologetic bow.

When I'm about to round the corner of the street, I hear TenTen shouting from her front yard.

"Invite them to our wedding!" She says with a happy wave. I send her a salute and a cocky grin.

"I'll drag 'em if I have to!"

  
  


The moment I round the corner and am out of her sight, I double over, my face so hot it feels like magma on my knees.

Did I have a wifey now?

From inside my mind Inner banged her head against the non-existent walls of my consciousness, groaning in despair.

**You goddamned gay disaster, you can flirt just fine!**


	16. Chapter 16

In the coming weeks I really, really, really, really wish I could tell you that I spent it in lovely lavish, properly perusing my queen and that that one instance was the last time the training grounds caught fire. _Really._ Because, I mean, for starters: it's TenTen. So, uh, _duh_. But also: none of us, and I do mean _not one of us_, knew any water jutsu. (And I found this out- yep, you guessed it- _while the field was _**_actively _**_burning) _And while I was pretty sure the damage costs were coming out of our _pay_, that _might've _been fair because I might've maybe been the cause for one or two of them…? Accidentally-on-purpose?

Ah fuck it. Who am I kidding? We were a fucking DISASTER. Team 7- as in Naruto, Sasuke, myself, and our sensei that for all intents and purposes might've as well been a goddamned _ghost _\- was an absolute, 'complete destructive force of nature all on its own', _literal _disaster. And no amount of chakra training, Artemis help me, was going to change that. 

In the week following my indoctrination to my self-proclaimed religion _ alone, _ we set fire to the stupid thing at least 5 times. (In my defense for whichever of those I was responsible for: I was firmly corrected on my previous thought not even a day in- I did _ not _ have the stupidest idea of my entire life during the bell test, but in fact, had it after. Because, get this, Sasuke was apparently a _ sadist _ . Offering up a sort of team 'you scratch my back, I scratch yours' training regime? Moronic. Unforgivable. _ A mistake. _ Just who the fuck trains _ while being chased by wolves _ anyways?! And- real quick, just real quick here given the list of wildlife in Konoha and the notable absence of those particular fuzzy beasts on said list- _ where did he get them????? _ ) It was really getting to be a noticeable problem. And, as I was cheerfully informed a few moments after fire number 3, as the brain cell of the team- 'the smart one' if you will- it was _ my _ job to do something about it- _ apparently _. 

In the words of our oh so lovely sensei (once he finally decided to _ show the fuck up _ and took in the carnage that was Naruto and Sasuke's love language with his creepy, hypocritical, _ so fucking dead the next time I fucking see him _ little eye) what we needed to do was to find a 'more constructive outlet' for our frustrations, and 'expand our horizens' (whatever that meant). And when asked on how we were meant to _ do _ that by our sunny little blonde, that task somehow, someway, _ yet again _ , became my fucking problem: as evidence by the way he pointed at me- _ fucking ME- _and wished me 'good luck' before whisking away into a plume of dead-beat dad energy. 

Realistically speaking, I think I was taking it well.

I mean, yeah, ooooooohhhhh-ho was I _ pissed _ . All I wanted to do was to reject the responsibility, to make it clear that in no way was I going to become the psuedo-sensei for that man and drag that motherfucking _ coward _ back to do _ his fucking JOB, _ but _ really. _ What if I did? If I gave a hard no, and told that old man just where he could metaphorically suck it, just where did that leave my boys? Under the care of the cowardly, soon-to-be-dead-man who ran away from 3 little twelve year olds? Yeeeaahhh, no. No _ . Not happening. _

So yeah. I was taking it well, but not _ well. _ So please. Just… just keep that in the forefront of your mind and try to remember that twenty-two wasn't exactly _ adult _adult, and I was trying my best.

You know...

Before you judge.

  
  
  


"THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING!" Naruto shrieked to the heavens, throwing his arms up with a loud WHOOP. The motion sent us skidding and rocking as bark rumbled underneath our feet. His hair and clothes rushed into disarray the more we picked up pace, becoming more and more alive with every second of speed we gained, flaying and fraying until both his and my hair were monsters all on their own. His eyes, I could see, were bright. Brighter than the stars, brighter than the practical sun I could feel underneath the cloth of his clothes and the flush of his skin. The heat he gave off was polarizing in its essence, loud and proud against the afternoon haze. His grin was frighteningly inviting, cracking and jeering with each guest of wind.

It was clear that Naruto was having the time of his life and I liked to think that maybe, just maybe, the fox was too. 

We were carving our names into the earth. We were Hansel and Gretel and the witch who took them in, plotting and sprinkling chaos in our wake, marring both a path and a banner loudly proclaiming that nothing in this world would and could ever contain us, and, as a general rule, I _ really _shouldn't've been the one left in charge.

"THIS IS INSANE!" I heard from my left.

From in between my lashes I could see Sasuke twist his body into a flip, pulling him and the bit of tree bark we were using as surfing equipment into a completely unfair graceful arch, just nearly missing the tree that sprung to life on his right not even a second later in his launding. His laugh vibrated through the air, through both his chest and my own, for once looking young, _ looking happy _ , and as the blooming cloud of leaves and compost left us as quickly as it came, I found that maybe I wasn't _ too _too guilty about what was happening.

At least they were having fun.

"But you love it, right?" I shouted happily, steading my hands on Naruto's hips and enjoying the scrape of air against my tongue. This entire thing was a bad idea- from the act to the location to the questionable position I was in: hands wrapped around Naruto's center in what was basically underwear (I refused to try the dress. _ Refused. _No, I didn't have anything else to wear because I got too distracted to do laundry, but booty shorts counted as clothes right? I mean… I had a shirt on at least) mounted side-by-side on thick, dying scraps of wood kept together by chakra and willpower alone, careening down the side of the Hokage monument at death defying speeds… chasing one lonely little cat. 

But… I mean... at least we were learning?

"Naru," I warned as I felt a shift at my center and adjusted my grip. The more time I spent Here the more chakra became something almost tangible, like if I just reached out a little more I could feel everything it is and was, even if all that met my fingertips was air, "more chakra in your feet, you're gonna slip!"

"You got it Sakura-chan!" Naruto replied in a pulse of warmth. It was faith and trust and a sun born in a boy, and not for the first time I had to wonder just how I became 'the boss'.

My ascension to 'the one in charge' was a manner of default: Kakashi was the one to declare that what the team did was my problem and, nowadays, the man barely showed up anymore. After the painting fiasco, it became routine for him to arrive at our designated meeting spot long enough to tell us where we were going and what we were doing only to disappear once again. It was ridiculous (not to mention not allowed- like, by written rule. 'Regulations for Jonin Commanders' Chapter One, page 7, paragraph 3, line 2 states: "In the first 35 days of a genin team's formation, the Jonin may not allow missionary conduct without bodily supervision unless allocated to another qualified jonin by mutal agreement on both sides") but it is what it was and what it _ was _ was, ultimately, my problem. So I stepped up as the one in charge and kept us on track during our missions. (It took some squabbling to get Sasuke to _ understand _ I was the one in charge, but we got there eventually. And I didn't even break anything human!) The thing is though… the longer those D-ranks went on, the more _ boring _ they got. And I was _ not _ a fan. Do you know how hard it is to keep two twelve-year-old boys on task when the 'one in charge' was just as distractable? Let me save you some time and effort: it was IMPOSSIBLE! So after one particular mission where a lapse in attention and some shotty knot work led to _ all three of us _ down a waterfall and into a goddamn ravine, I came up with a brilliant idea: side quests (a.k.a. keep these fuckers- yes, I am fuckers- interested because _ never again _.) 

Soooooooo… yeah… while we were _ technically _supposed to be catching some noblewoman's cat… we could do that while surfing down the Hokage Mountain using only chakra… right? If we did so while chasing the cat?

Inner was loudly questioning my life decisions in a few choice words I could barely hear over the wind. It was a rather lovely thing.

"Sasu, you got eyes on the target?" I felt more than heard myself ask. 

Sasuke skirted around a large rock with admirable finesse, eyes zooming in on the yowling feline to our front. "Got him."

Tora wasn't having as much fun as we were. He barreled and skittered forward, all but rolling through a gap in two oncoming fallen branches, scratching at the wood. I reinforced the flow of chakra I had keeping Naruto and I upright as we hit it, thanking Artemis for his sense of balance. Tora fell further, half-running half-jumping towards safety.

"He's veering left!" Naruto warned, already shifting his weight so we could follow. He didn't catch on as quickly as Sasuke did when it came to sticking to the board (our first academic lesson was chakra control at Inner's request and, I'm sorry to say this about my little sunshine, but 'slow to catch on' was putting it _gently_) but he did have a natural instinct for steering. That and his trap work was _amazing._ Even Sasuke had to swallow his pride after he saw how quickly Naruto got Tora to the top of the mountain.

(Yes, we were catching a cat we were ordered to catch that we already caught but let go just so we could chase it down a mountain at terrifying, possibly lethal speeds just to catch them again. I was trying my best, goddamnit!)

Sasuke followed us without question, leaning forward to gain some speed. 

"You ready boys?" I yelled to the wind, gripping Naru's waist further. Up ahead, the thick growth of trees that had previously lined our path thinned into a shotty grove of mismatched patches of shrub and moss. Beyond that I knew were Kohona's equivalent of storm drains, made to line the merchant's street a handful of meters further. That was our Red Zone. If Tora made it there even Naruto's lures wouldn't find him, what with all those stalls and smells and more enticing distractions. So what we had was a plan in place to… _ encourage _Tora to go the other direction.

Naruto and Sasuke grinned maniacally.

"Yeah!"

"Let's do it."

It was an awful, horrible, arguably simple plan: corralling this unholy, agressive cat like a cattle set for slaughter. _ But the execution of it was thrilling _. 

A stray branch whipped across my shin, grazing along my skin and taking some for the ride with a harsh sting. Wind leapt across my arms and cheeks, pulling me forward like a vacuum, sucking me in until I could only beg for it to take me faster, take me _ further, _until time was relative and my mortality was just an after-thought. It was addicting: this feeling of power and danger.

"Alright! Sasu," I yelled, "give it some gas!"

I heard no response, but I didn't need to. I could feel the way Sasuke obliged immediately, pumping chakra into his fists and letting it condense. I closed my eyes against the wind and observed the process carefully, tasting the shimmer in the air and feeling the thrum of his core. It was almost humbling, the way the world felt in such a state: like we were all but a dot of paint smudged beyond what our canvases could handle. And in much the same way you could smell sharpness in the air and cool breeze on your skin and know the clouds could hold no more, I felt Sasuke's canvas shutter and writhe. He was ready.

"Ignight!"

Sasuke nodded and sent a surge through his chakra network, tingling like lighting and catching with a hiss. Within seconds his fists were pushing out flame, propelling him faster and further with a jolt I felt down to my toes- 

Fire Style: Hand Signs Can Kiss My Ass no Jutsu.

The surge of speed shot him forward until he all but soared up and around Tora, cutting the feline off from his escape. The cat yowled and turned tail, jumping to our right. 

Even as I formed the words "Naru! Skid!", he was already on it, flicking his ankles up and pushing against me. I pushed back, trying to keep us upright as much as possible as we were bounced off of stone and mulch. Tora took a hard left, weaving around a summoned oak.

Sasuke 'tsked', following behind our curve.

"Goal: seventy-eight meters." Sasuke warned as we lined up. 

Peeking around Naru's shirt I could see that he was right: the Hokage's Office was a little over 70 meters out and gaining fast.

"Sakura. Narrow the pathway."

"Goin'." I said, wrapping my arms around Naru's torso and toeing off one of my shoes. It whipped away in clatter leaves and snapped twigs. I could feel blood oozing from somewhere, most likely from somewhere on my shin, but that could be dealt with later. I eyed the new trail of targets soaring past me, mentally judging which tree would fall easiest.

**That one! ** Inner suggested, pointing at a skewed trunk soon to be in our path, **It's already half way down!**

I nodded, shifting to one foot. "Naru, gimme some spin."

"Gotcha Sakura-chan!"

With a twist of his hips, we were pulled forward and I was sent swinging in its path. I threw my leg out in a formless but distinct roundhouse kick, trusting in my she-hulk poweress. I was not disappointed. It took almost no effort to turn its base into splinters, diving the already half fallen root towards the ground. At a thickness that surpassed several men's, it hit the soil with a thundering CRUNCH, edging the panicked cat even further towards Sasuke who dipped away from the rebounding oak and under its rolling tide. A quick glance around told me everything: 30 meters out and too many meters to the right. We'd gone too far and were going _ way _too fast.

"We're not gonna make it!" I heard Naruto voice. We were trying to make the Orange Zone. It was where Naruto lined up his triggers near the base of the building to re-trap Tora before we presented him, but they were almost exclusively soft-triggers. They were meant to be activated when Tora paused to catch his breath by weight sensors and water bait. They needed a near stationary target to function. Naruto was right: we were going too fast to trigger them properly. 

"Plan B!" I ordered, ditching my other shoe to get a better grip. It flew in a flutter, lost for what was probably forever. Beside me Sasuke threw his arms out and readied himself to jump. Naruto dipped into a crouch. "On Sasuke's time!"

One second. Two. Five.

This was a horrible idea. Just who left me in charge again? 

"Ready…" Sasuke started as I ripped Naru's jacket off him and twisted it around my forearms, "... NOW!"

Naruto leapt off the board with a yelp. In a surge of momentum, I shifted my weight to my heels and fell backwards, impaling the board into the soil, skidding my descent in a fabulous combination of human brakes and she-hulk anchoring. Dirt and grime scraped and bit underneath my nails and across my face as soil and bark scattered around me. From in between the bits of foliage and locks of bubblegum-pink hair I could see Sasuke jump as well, using his superior chakra manipulation to become a physical barricade for Tora in just a few short flips. It would've almost been considered a graceful landing if Naruto hadn't all but slammed into him half a second later. I came to a shuttering stop just as Naruto got a handle on the evil cat's scruff (a move I taught him the moment I discovered that the 'Bane of All Genin' was a _ cat _), the flat of my still-stuck surf board standing not even a meter from the back of the mission hall.

Dust settled as I layed there panting. 

"Mission: Capture Tora-" Naruto grinned, holding out the yowling demon spawn caught in his arms like a prized fur, "Complete!"

From my place on the ground I weezed out a laugh.

_ You gotta love him. _

Ditching his own board, Sasuke grunted. "Side quest: Coral the Hellspawn- Failed. We didn't get him into the trap."

Naruto's grin fell. "Oh."

As one, we all looked to the side where our soft traps were still peeking in the sun: slivers of shiny, unearthed, sensetive sheets of metal glinting against the soil. Unfazed and untouched.

Pulling myself up with a grunt and dusting myself off, I sighed. "Ah, well it's not a total loss… we herded the thing well enough." Looking more closely at the distance in between the two, I was actually pretty proud. It couldn't have been more than 20 meters or so away. Not too too bad. And we were right where we needed to be otherwise.

"And it was fun." I added, bracing against the building, still high from the adrenaline rush. To that both Naruto and Sasuke nodded, vibrating in glee.

"Yeah!" Naruto cheered. "It was a blast! What's our next side quest Sakura-chan?"

Sasuke grunted with a poorly hidden smile as he unwrapped the disarrayed, stolen garment looped around my arms and used it as a sack to confine the skittering feline bound by its own skin. He gave my bare feet a look. "Shoes?" He suggested knowingly.

Rubbing the back of my neck, I sighed. Right. _ Shoes. _I peeked to the side of the mountain- my shoes were nowhere in sight. All I could see was the line gouged into the soil from our chakra and our recklessness: broken branches, upturned soil, and a tingle that hovered over the route.

Tora protested vehemently from the bag.

"Mmm… maybe later." I evaded, not having any plans whatsoever to do so later. Instead I turned my attention to my legs. "First gotta do something about the bleeding."

Leaning forwards, I placed my hand on my open wound and pushed some chakra in. After the first training ground fire I thought that while, hey- what the fuck, how come now one knows any water justu, just where the duck duck godamned _ fucking goose _ was that friggin adult- maybe learning some first aid would be nice? Especially given our collective shitty wrapping skills. 

I was pretty good at it, although _ how _ I learned it... was… not recommended… but I was the boss and I was in charge so _ fuck it _ . So yeah, after some questionable self harm (Naruto tried to volunteer once I told him about my idea but the fox wasn't having it. Even Sasuke tried to offer up his skin for sacrifice before I could try my own, but we quickly found out his chakra just did _ not _ like me. None of us knew why) I could now do some minor first aid and Bubblegum's skin was not as pretty as it used to be.

"How come you keep ditching your shoes anyways?" Naruto asked, slinging the filthy Tora Sack over his shoulder. I felt bad for ruining his jacket, but also not really. Because, first of all, that color was a crime against nature. Second of all, it wasn't like I took it for no good reason. The funny thing was, the wooden equivalent of road burn? Yeah, it didn't count as 'minor first aid', despite being a shallow wound. Actually, anything bigger than the size of my hand didn't count as 'minor' first aid. It was something about cell connections and chakra relations and surface area that made a wound minor or not, but essentially even if it was a _ papercut: _if it was bigger than my hand I couldn't heal it yet.

So yeah. RIP pumpkin monstrostiy. My health thanks you.

I hummed, finishing the patchwork and using the ponytail that was wrapped around my wrist to throw my hair up. While Naruto's still looked like he stuck his finger in a lightning socket, he was also a _ boy _. He could get away with such things without any annoying commentary. "It makes it easier to connect my chakra." I responded, working my way around the building. It was lined with shrubs and fluffy plants, so the progress was slow going.

From behind me, Sasuke shook his head. "That _ still _ makes no sense..."

I shot him an annoyed look from over my shoulder. "You're one to talk. You can manage to learn how to make _ fire spew out of your hands _ with no hand signs but can't make a proper knot?"

He glared at me with a pout. "That wasn't my fault."

Our feet crunched against the gravel as we worked our way through the shrubbery and entered the main street. We received a few questioning glances from the on-lookers and merchants, but weren't questioned. (Probably because we were essentially three wild, forest children holding a homicidal, yowling bag.)

"Oh?" I said with a raised eyebrow, entering the building and sending a mental apology to whoever's job it was to clean it, "Our dip in the ravine begs to differ."

I could hear Naruto laugh from behind him as we entered the lobby. "Aw, come'on Sakura-chan! It wasn't _ that _bad!"

I turned and gave him a flat stare. "Easy for you to say. You're _ male. _ There's just some places in the female body that should never have mud in them. EVER."

The female receptionist nodded us through with an impressive poker face, having become used to our disheveled appearance after one or two side quests and already possessing enough zen to withstand our conversations. She was cute: short, bobbed honey-colored hair with light eyes and feather dusted cheeks, but she was also as straight my inevitable ticket to hell. My gaydar fell over like a limp noodle the first moment I laid eyes on her.

**More's the pity,** Inner drawled out sarcastically. 

Sasuke muttered unintelligently, blushing deeply at the memory. "We said sorry…" Naruto's face was equally red, for reasons you proabably suspect. 

Yes, it is as you think: I stripped. I pulled myself up and dragged myself to the nearest shallow water, I prepared to lecture my boys into oblivion with my hands on my hips with enough sass to make a middle-aged house wide proud, felt just _where _the mud settled in and around me, and noped the fuck out that shit quicker than Kakashi's adversion to responisbilty- childlike innocence _be_ _damned._

Fuck.

That.

A comfortable silence settled over us as we veered towards the stairs. 

"Man…" Naruto groaned, breaking it as we passed the second floor. The Tora Bag squirmed more insistantly the further up we got, as if he could feel how close he was from damnation. "I don't know how much more of these D ranks I can take. I mean, they're not so bad with Sakura-chan's 'side quests', but this is so boring! I wanna something more exciting!"

Sasuke nodded, coming up beside me. "I agree, but it's not like you can convince Hokage-sama to give us something better."

Naruto sighed bitterly with a droop. "Yeah…"

"Hey, wait!" He perked up, bounding over to my other side. "Can't you Sakura-chan? You're all convincing and stuff."

"Me?" I asked, subtly leaning away from him. The staircase was a tight fit with the three of us walking side by side, and Tora was an existinal hazard. "Convincing?"

"Yeah! Like with that one guy with the dog!"

I blinked as the memory clicked. Ahhhhhh. _ That. _I knew what he was talking about. 

Mission: walk the dogs. 

Side quest: carrying out a conversation using one handed sign language where no one could see. 

Personal side quest presented by the universe: beat into some horn dog's brain that I wasn't into guys. Although… I wouldn't have called that _ convincing _...

"Dobe." Sasuke cut in, voicing my thought "She can't _ threaten _ the Hokage into giving us a C-rank."

Naruto tilted his head in confusion. "Eh? That was threatening?"

I laughed softly, ruffling his hair. I loved him to death, but Naruto still had a little ways to go before he wasn't completely clueless. Arriving at the office entrance, I patted his free shoulder. "I know you're getting impatient Naru, but you have a better chance annoying Hokage-sama into allowing us a C rank then you do convincing him. Just be patient, yeah?"

In a long, suffering groan aimed at the floor, he surrendered. "I guess…"

  
  
  
  
  
  


"I'm a ninja now and I want a ninja mission!"

From my position of attention, I bit my lip to hid my laugh. Inner grumbled in resignation. **That fucking brat. Hell will freeze over before he learns to surrender. **

_ Well… at least he was listening? _I comforted.

I was ignored.

  
  
  


_ Hey… wait… don't I know that guy? _

Inner gave me a mixed look of pity and exasperation. **The plot Wannabe, ** she sighed dispairingly. **That would be the plot.**

_ … oh._

  
  
  



	17. Chapter 17

"Kakashi-sensei!!!"

Naruto's terrified tone rang through the clearing.

The sound of flesh and blood ground and tore, ringing at a high, fevered pitch I could barely translate. There was something distinctly familiar resting on my tongue: loose, shallow, and metallic. Somewhere beyond the contrast of red on blue on green I registered the sloshing sound bouncing around my ears as Mr Military decorated the drought-wrought soil, but the information was filed away- out the window, across the pond, and back into the distant memory fazing somewhere between my twitching psych and Inner's horrified scream: walking along a darkened street I thought I knew, only to be harshly corrected before I could register that I was in danger.

I was smeared across rain-soaked pavement.

Kakashi was slice-and-diced like a pound of meat at the market. 

“One down.” One of them hissed.

It was oil on water. Oil on water dipped in ink and too many colors to name. It was high beams in your eyes on a highway in a clown car set up not even inches away from the pavement. It was yellow on black and neon lights in the dark. It was an impossible-to-describe contrast: the speed of how I perceived what was happening and my line of thought in relation to it.

_ Shit holy mothere fucking double monkey MOthER FuCKinG SHIT- _

It was a _ puddle. _ A bit of water pooled on a dirt road we’d been trudging on for hours on end with a drunk man who called himself our client. It was an unmentionable break from the awkward monotony we were marching to: my boys sticking to me and myself, and me religiously ignoring the tall, silver-haired man that _ actually showed up on time for once. _ It was a completely ordinary, unsuspecting puddle that, _ apparently, _was silently housing two enemy shinobi with a Danger Kitty fetish. Two fast, ferocious shinobi who were all claws and bits of shredded cloth, decorated in metal and the element of surprise.

Inner screeched as Terror Number One barreled up in a splash of evaporated fake-water and around to Naruto. I was moving before I thought to make it happen.

“Naruto! _ Get your weapon _ ** _out _ ** _ or so _ ** _help me GOD_**!” I screamed, pulling out two kunai and pushing myself in front of the drunken _ fool _ that I was almost 100% sure was completely at fault for whatever was currently happening, and if he wasn’t then- _ whatever _ because then it had to have been Mr. Military’s fault and I couldn't exactly aim all my anger and fear and all the shit saying _ holy fuck holy mother fucking fuck I’m gonna die we’re gonna die _ at a goddamned _ corpse _. Naruto jolted the moment I got into position, throwing his hand to his thigh and jumping back, away from his pursuer.

The man chuckled darkly and sneered, zooming into Naru’s personal space at the same time he leaned back. A flutter of the dark wrap donning his shoulders obscured Sasuke's moving form.

"Too late."

**This is all your fault Wannabe!** Inner screamed into my ears, echoing around like it came from several feet underwater. My heart pounded in every portion of my body and I swore I could smell and taste my own fear. 

_ Shut up! _I swore, flipping one kunai into a defensive position facing the ground and twirling the other so it rested at the base of my wrist.

“Naru!”

Both Terror One and Terror Two weren't from Konoha. They wore a metal claw around their (possibly) dominant hands, trailing around chains spiked in maliance, sadistry, and possible/probable non-friendly substances. They moved in practiced synch, Terror One zeroing in on Naruto and Terror Two targeting Tazu-something (and by extension, _ me_). Terror One wasted no time, going in for the kill, reaching his clawed hand towards Naru’s neck-

He jerked, hand and chain ripped backwards by Sasuke- pulling out two shuriken and throwing them perfectly in time to pin the mesh of the chain and the shuriken in question to a nearby tree. My mind fizzed and popped like grease on a fire in the middle of the largest sea, only seeing the opening presented in front of me and not allowing anything else to register. I felt nothing- thought of _ nothing _\- as the hand not already curled up in a defensive position pulled backwards and flicked forwards: shooting the kunai across the space between us and against Terror One’s angled neck- up and aimed too far to the left. It hit the thick bit of cloth connected to his shawl and mask with all the strength I could muster, slicing through it, the muscle around his clavicle, and the bone itself with ease as he screamed. 

( _I was strong enough to cut through bone ) _

Terror Two cursed and jerked, pushing against the ground, changing what was once his playful, baiting pace into something more sinister: bounding towards me at a speed that mirrored Kakashi’s during the bell test.

(_ I had aimed to kill without trying _)

He appeared in front of me in an instant my body registered before my brain-

(_ I can do it again _)

-clawing away at where my neck once was: half a head away and an inch or two too far up. I was moving-

(Naruto too- over to me, closer to me)

-curling downward and pulling my leg up and swinging my hips with everything I had in me- abandoning control and abandoning thought and hearing nothing but my beating heart the ghost of my name on Naruto and Sasuke’s lips- connecting with Terror two’s side- his liver, his spleen, _ his spine that was his spine_\- with a sickening crunch. 

I felt the vibrations of whatever sound he made. I didn't hear what it was.

He shot upwards and out: connecting with another tree in a series of sounds I could only guess. 

Terror One's body spasmed. He shrieked wordlessly, disconnecting the chain that bound him, surging forward as I stumbled, buzzing with power and adrenaline. 

“You bitch!” 

He pulled his arm back, readying and preparing and _ salivating _ for the attack that my body did not move for, did not react to- _ would possibly kill me, was I ready to go?_\- only to freeze as he met Sasuke- arms out ready to defend- Naruto -unused kunai held steady, ready to attack- and… Ka...ka...shi?

“Ungh!”

He skidded. Jerked. Forced into a direct stop. I couldn't think- could only blink wordlessly as Terror One fell limply- restrained just inches away from Sasuke's chest, Naruto's kunai resting even closer, hog tied into a choke hold by what I was sure was a ghost. The change in pace had my boys staggering- had _ me staggering _\- weapons half raised and a name half formed on our lips.

“Kaka…?”

The silver haired man- _ completely fine, completely unharmed, not a drop of blood on him_\- gave us a lazy, two fingered salute.

“Yo.”

**He… HE-** Inner stammered, too infuriated for words. I had enough presence to glance at where his corpse was- _ where his corpse was supposed to be, please tell me that wasn't a bluff- _ but the mass of logs didn’t really click for me. Nothing was. I could only see one thing, zero in on one thing: a heap of over-folded limbs and shredded cloth collapsed somewhere in between Naruto’s back and another disassembled tree. Far enough away that I had to strain my neck to see, close enough to pick out the bits of major arteries and bone splinters and the major lack of breathing when I did. 

A familiar feeling of cold washed over me as my legs shook and saliva pooled in my mouth.

_ I killed him. _ I realized as my vision swam shakily and something wet dripped on my cheek. _ He's dead. _

“Sorry it took me so long guys,” Kakashi said from far, far away. I saw him say it. I didn't hear the words. His apathetic gaze slid from the body- _ my body, my fault, I did that- _ and then over to me as a knife of indescribable fury- _ he left us, he _ ** _left _ ** _ us- _ and grief gutted through me. "I didn't think you'd react like that."

I barely heard him ask if we were ok before I scrambled to the nearest tree and threw up.

  
  
  
  


It was a ploy.

A game.

Kakashi was the chess master, information was king, and we were only pawns.

The chess master and the drunk were arguing.

"I needed to know who they were after-"

"So you leave it to a little girl-"

_ I'm not little... _

"It was faster that way-"

"The poor thing's cryin'!"

"She is a shinobi and is well prepared-"

_ A lie. That was a lie. I wasn't prepared. I wasn't _ ** _prepared-_ **

"You left grown, dangerous men to three little kids!"

_ He did. He left us. _

"Well perhaps I wouldn't have to if you had just told us-"

"You told me you were an 'elite jounin'! What kind of elite jounin leaves three kids all by themselves-"

"As you can see, you're _ fine-" _

From my spot on the ground, I sniffled, clinging to Naru's jacket a little tighter. It was still warm from when Naruto wore it and honestly wasn't as bad as I made it seem to be. Yes, it was a god forsaken shade of orange, but it was also thick and plush and good for hugging. I was only sorry that I was getting tears all over it and possibly tearing it in the force of my hug.

"Sakura…" Naruto murmured, hands half raised as if he wanted to hug me but wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not. Sasuke hovered awkwardly a few feet in front of me, placing himself in between myself and the arguing 'adults'.

I shot him a watery smile in gratitude.

"I'm fine," I whispered, voice hoarse and keeping my eyes on the orange and pointedly not looking anywhere near the… body. Or the adults. Or anything except the orange and my boys. "I don't suppose you could get them to stop yelling at each other? It isn't helping."

My voice sounded so small, even in my own ears. It was the first time I spoke in the hour they'd been arguing, once Tazuto's story had been pried out and Terror One had suspiciously disappeared for questioning with Kakashi and conveniently never returned. 

The detached, clinical side of my brain could only blankly review the memory of Terror One's bleeding all over Kakashi's arm and compare it to what it knew about how much blood a body could lose. 

I smothered the voice saying it was highly probable that I killed two people today. I could only handle so much at once.

Sasuke nodded solemnly, like a knight sworn to service. "On it."

Naruto inched nearer once Sasuke had gone, hands fidgeting. He looked down at them as if he hated them, hated how clean they were. (_I could've helped, _ a voice whispered, _ if only I moved faster _) 

"It's not… it's not ok, is it?" He asked seriously.

I shook my head, half laughing and half sobbing at his purity- at his open eyes and set jaw. What I did to deserve them, I'll never know, but I was so glad I had them. They were a soft velvet tether: holding me to earth and promising it would be ok. 

"It's not." I sighed, clutching the orange monstrosity closer to my chest. The sobs had all but subsided, leaving me both exhausted and refreshed. "It's really not."

"We should go home then." He suggested, dropping down in front of me in a crouch. A glow erupted around him as Sasuke fulfilled my request in his typical pyromaniac manner: throwing a giant fireball in between Head One and Head Two. I heard Tazu-blank squawk as Sasuke's fiery chakra filled the air and my shivering form warmed.

_ I really do love them. _ I thought fondly as I caught Kashashi's muffled curse. _ Best little ones a girl could have. _

"Would you actually be ok with that?" I asked knowingly, rubbing away my tears with the back of my hand and forcing myself to my feet. 

Naruto's face screwed up comically, prying a laugh out of my sore throat before he could attempt to agree.

_ He's such a terrible liar. _

"Yeah…" I sighed tiredly, pulling out my messed up bun and throwing in up another. "Me neither."

Sasuke trotted back up to us in the sound of light footsteps, smelling a little of ash and glowing in satisfaction.

"I got them to stop." He declared formally with an undertone of pride. Like a kitten who just caught its first bird. "Kakashi wanted to know if we wanted to keep going, I told him yes."

Naruto grumbled from the ground, running his hand through his hair. 

"You didn't even ask us…" He sulked.

Sasuke grunted, crossing his hands over his chest and semi-descreetly side eying me. 

"Was I wrong?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

I took a shuttering breath, steadied myself and shook my head. "No, you weren't." 

Once Naruto pulled himself up with a heave, I tried offering the folded and rumpled make-shift stuffed animal back but he wasn't having it.

"No, you wear it Sakura-chan!" Naruto protested, shaking his head vehemently. "It's yours now!"

Sasuke made a noise of disgust, sneakily sliding past him so our shoulders touched just briefly. "Deadlast," He said slowly, as if talking to a two year old. "It's _ orange _."

Naruto bristled. "What's wrong with orange?!"

I pulled the sleeves over my shaking hands and coughed out another laugh, feeling lighter and lighter with every word thrown. It was comforting: the way they clawed and wrestled with each other, the smell of something not quite burnt paper but something close, and the warmth of Naruto's presence. 

"It's a bright-ass color." I huffed, swiping at my cheeks some more. 

Naruto turned to me with a pout, feigning feeling betrayed. "But Saaaaakuuuura-chan," he whined out, looking up at me with those two too blue eyes. From behind him, Sasuke rolled his. "You like me bright, right?"

Taking in the image of my two boys: alive, happy, _ whole _\- I could only smile. "Yeah, I like you bright. Both of you."

Sasuke's offended noise had me laughing further.

_ And I'll do whatever I have to to keep you that way, _ I silently promised, joining them and taking their hands, _ Even if my hands will never be clean again. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


I was too distracted to notice Inner's smug grin as we made our way forward. 

I never noticed how quiet she had gotten.


	18. Chapter 18

_ What…? _

My fingers twitched on the side of our crummy little convict boat, heart pounding a mile a minute. The water around us sloshed almost rhythmically, charading as some kind of ironic backtrack to my anger, terror, confusion, and fear. From the depths of my mind, Inner laughed in a mixture of false bravado and pained comfort.

We were in a similar state of mind for once.

**N-now… let's just calm down here a second… **she placated, non-hands wringing in front of her tightly. Naruto and Sasuke, who had all but barricaded me away from Kakashi-sensei the moment we boarded the dock, looked at me in open concern, but kept quiet. Crossing the river was meant to be a sneaky affair, which only made my strained, painful sounding exhale more prominent.

_ Calm? _ I mentally hissed, biting my tongue to keep from screaming. Any harder and I'm sure I would've drawn blood. _ No. No calm. Calm is gone now. LOST. Tell me how the EVER LoVING _ ** _FUCK I CAN BE CALM-_ **

Inner scurried back to her corner, curled up in what I somehow could perceive as a tight ball. Whether it was because of fear or guilt, I _ didn't care _ . I was gonna kill her. Physical limitations could kiss my ass. Who cared if she didn't have an actual body, I would _ find _a way.

**I know I didn't tell you but- **She tried. I was having none of it and cut her off harshly.

_ It was kind of IMPORTANT YOU FUCKING- _

She scrambled to defend herself, but it didn't have the same effect as it should have 

**I just wanted to make sure you'd still-!**

_ Why would I want to 'still' if I don't fucking know- _

**B-But it's a mission with Sasuke-kun-**

My teeth were clenched so tight my jaw popped.

_ Don't you 'Sasuke-kun' me you moronic piece of psychosis- _

Naruto made a small noise of distress as the wood creaked ominously in my fingers, and it took every ounce of my self control to keep them from clenching.

**I'm sorry! **She squeaked, hugging her non-knees to her chest, **but it's not like we can do anything about it! I don't know how it happened either-**

_ It's my _ ** _head _ ** _ you sorry excuse for a poltergeist! _I mentally screamed, heaving out a sharp breath. Kakashi gave me an inquiring look with a raised eyebrow and everything, but said nothing.

**I swear I didn't see anything! **Inner defended.

_ YOU FUCKING LIVE THERE WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T _ ** _SEE-_ **

**I don't know, I don't know- **She cried.

** _INNER-_ **

"Sakura-chan…?" Naruto stage-whispered, breaking my rage filled rant before it could properly begin. There was fire running through me. Lava. Magma. _ An inferno_. 

I was going to kill someone.

Inner. Military. Taz-wa. _ I didn't care_. Someone had to die.

"You ok?" He asked in concern.

My response wasn't so much words as it was a closed-mouth moan caught in the back of my throat. The migraine pressing against my skull was relentless: squeezing around my eyes and twisting through my neck. The searing, gaping hole in my memory refused to refill.

It made_ no sense_. Absolutely NO SENSE.

Butchered phrases danced around my mind and dusted my tongue. 'Carrot Top', 'plot', '_coupe_'. They were formed just as if I had thought them myself, as if there was an armed, ginger-haired man set on a plot of land right in front of me and that's what my gloriously distracted brain came up with. They were there, I knew they were, and I knew they were _ real_\- but much like the disembodied ghosts in a haunted house, I couldn't figure out where they were coming from. And the more I dug and dug and scraped and clawed my way around that fucking hole, the more it seemed to scream. 

There was a list. I knew there was because I remember thinking that I really should start paying attention to that thing, and that I was probably going to die a traditional ADHD trademark death: death by distraction. I remember Inner berating me, telling me that I was hopeless for forgetting it so often and like _ hell _ was she going to go down with me, but I was _ sure- _ so _ SURE _that conversation ended with me apologizing without really meaning it, and looking at said list after.

And now, it's just… not… there?

I… I didn't _ forget _ it. I'll be the first to admit that my memory has to be the worst one on the planet, _ ever_, but that isn't… it's _ not possible! _

That list, that metaphorical item that I had _ housed in my brain_\- made by my own thought, that… _ intangible thing _ was… it was gone. 

It was gone like an oasis in the desert or a mirage in the sand. It was blurred out like water color painting dipped in oil. It was smeared and scraped out and all evidence to its existence was kept just 6 feet away from my few feet arms, all except the few _ so fucking unhelpful _words I couldn't quite seem to catch.

And the list- _the thought, this was a thought, this shouldn't be possible it was a _**_thought_**\- wasn't _empty._ It had words on it. Words I didn't make. Words Inner didn't make. 

(_HAVE FAITH, LITTLE BIRD it said in florush word art. Old penmanship and quill-like strokes. Bold letters and branded implications- how…? How how how how-) _

It shouldn't have been _ possible_. It. Was. A. Thought. It was a product of my own making. I made it and thought it and knew it existed because it was _ there. _ I knew I made it. I knew it was about my future. I knew it included what was dancing around the forefront of my mind but why oh _ why _could I not figure out what it said? 

Why was I drawing up blank? Why was there a hole? How could it be taken and how could something _else be put in its _**_place_**_-_ _it's not possible it was just a _**_thought-_**

(_ Why 'little bird' _ a feral side of me whispered _ How did it know? How how how- _)

I could almost feel my boys and Mr. Military share a 'look'. I could almost hear the interrogation I'd be getting the moment we hit shore, and I could almost taste the useless words twisted on my tongue: half formed with nothing behind them. From the other side of the boat, Tazu-other gave me a pitying smile.

"We'll be in my home soon enough little girl." He assured. I had to swallow back the string of curses that rose up in my chest. He was only trying to help.

(_ He didn't know I wasn't always so little) _

"Yeah Sakura-chan! We're almost there!" Naruto comforted with a small smile. I wanted to punch it off his face. 

(_ That wasn't fair to him, _ the kind part of me soothed. _ He didn't know that wasn't always my name _)

Warring with my rage, I forced down my nausea and bit out a smile. "Yeah…."

It was all sharp teeth and no warmth. I almost felt guilty.

(_ They had no way of knowing, did they? How were they supposed to know?) _

_ HAVE FAITH, LITTLE BIRD _

_ (How did it know…?) _

Before I was taken from her, Momma named me Raven- after the tortured poet she loved and the large, black bird thought to transcend Pluto's shore.

  
  
  
  
  


"GET DOWN!!!!"

My mourning for Mr. Rabbit was short lived. It was an innocent creature, one I hoped didn't suffer. Not like we were probably going to. 

I crashed to the ground, dragging the bridge builder with me with my all too small arms. From the corner of my eye I could see Sasuke pulling Naruto down with him, falling to my side in a puff of speckled dust. The whizzing sound that swept above us cradled with it a specific kind of intimidation, and my head was screaming in agony, digging and digging for something that wasn't there.

('_Big sword guy_' my brian whispered shakily, _ we thought that, right? Didn't we think that? Was that him? Do we die here_?')

Peeking up from scrunched eyebrows, I made the only mental log I was capable of: short, choppy, and simple. 

Sword wedged in tree. Man on sword. Tall, maybe 6'3 or 6'4, muscled. Traditional wear for Hidden in the mist. Mist headband slashed. Sword big enough to stand on. Long range. Powerful. Dangerous. Predator.

I pulled myself to my feet in a lightheaded stupor, covering whatever I could of the bridge builder's body with my small form. A kunia was in my hands before I remembered to pull it out. I wanted nothing more than to be the one being covered.

Naruto shivered in excitement next to me, leaning forward and bracing, readying to run at the threat we knew nothing of- all powered by the thrill only he and Sasuke seemed to know.

"Stay back!" Kakashi ordered, hand held out to stop him. He was met with nothing as my hand had already lashed out to Naruto's wrist, forcibly pulling him back with me and into a Manji formation.

Time was skipping over me like rocks over a flowing creek. One second all I could register was pain, the next was hyper fixated on the men in front of us- one to harm and one to help- and with a pounding of my head the cycle would start again.

I took the forefront. Sasuke took the left, Naruto took the right, and Tazu-so shook behind us.

_ Thump _

Kakashi held the foreground, looking the most severe I'd ever seen him. "This guy's in another league."

The air shuttered with the man's feral grin, hidden by bandages and false nonchalance.

_ Thump _

"Kakashi Hatake of the Sharigan, it is _ an honor._" The man mocked in a low, gravelly tone. His feet made no sound as he jumped down from his perch. He yanked the butcher out with ease.

Sasuke flinched. Naruto tensed. My vision started to blur.

_ It's just the mist _ my mind murmured, _ just the mist... _

The Land of Waves seemed to be forever plagued by it, much like The Land of Fire was with heat. This mist, however, was only building: weaving together like fairy-floss, wrapping around us like a tunnel.

"Zabuza Momochi…" Kakashi intoned. I committed the name to memory, hoping I'd be able to find it again.

Naruto's voice shuttered as it cut off, vibrating deep in his chest. "Who…?"

My lungs filled and filled and filled the longer we stood. It was in an almost comical slowness that I understood: like a villain cut in half, unsure of how they ever could have lost to such a child.

_ I can't breathe. _I realized dumbly. The kunia looped in my wrist twitched like the ticking of a clock. My vision unfocused and refocused to the same time.

**You can**, Inner promised. The sound went in and out like a truck's horn on a passing highway. **You will.**

Syrup coated my throat and smothered my airways. 

Sharp and suffocating. 

All-encompassing. 

Agonizing.

Something was wrong.

"He's an A ranked missing-nin from The Village Hidden in the Mist, nicknamed The 'Demon of the Mist'. Stay back you guys, I'll have to deal with him."

The man's taunting laugh chilled even the smallest of my capillaries. My mouth popped open in desperate, small huffs.

"So news of me has reached even a man of your level? I am honored." He rumbled. "But I've got a job to do, so I'm going to need to kill the old man now."

His hands came up in a few hand signs, balancing the cleaver in his grip. I couldn't track which ones he flew through, only registering once they were done.

The mist came down on us to the point where I couldn't see anything: not Kakashi, not Tazu-po, not even my boys who I could hear panting just beside me. Chill turned into icy-hot spray peppered across anything it could touch, and just like that, Zabuza was gone and I was drowning.

_ Inner… _ I whimpered silently, straining to take a breath- to open my airways to take anything that _ wasn't _the enemy man's frigid aura. 

It was… oh god it was _ everywhere. _ I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I was shaking, so sure I was shaking, but I couldn't connect the thoughts to the dots and pick them apart outside of me. There was only the man that had promised the bridge builder's demise and what he left behind. 

It was tension. 

Suspense. 

_ Intent. _

**Killing intent, **Inner shuttered almost inaudibly. Zabuza's voice cut through the abyss: a lance lodged in the chest of an already poisoned victim.

"Heart." He cooed sadistically. The tang of his tongue slithered sluggishly down every part of my skin. "Spleen. Liver. Kidneys. Spine. So many locations. Where to go first?"

He left the question hanging, as if relishing how something unanswered tore us down so quickly. There was a clinking of plated metal to my left, ricocheting between my frayed neurons, and I started as a shout echoed across the blind space.

"Sasuke!" The name jolted me back even though it wasn't mine. Like an electric shock to my brain, Kakashi's drawl kept me painfully present, pinning me to the earth. 

"Calm down." He said from all around us. "I'll protect you with my life, so don't worry."

It was meant to be a comfort. I could only see it laid out as a wonderfully exploitable taunt.

"Oh really?", the air hissed.

A shiver went down my spine and pin pricks rippled over my back. My stomach lurched- sharp turned into fine, fine then into ice, and then ice into water and salt caked across my skin- painfully cracking and croaking and molding- turning Inner's soothing assurances into a terrified scream.

I spun on my heel: an impulsive, nerve-laced action armed with deadly gripped kunai- and hoped to Artemis I wasn't wrong.

Metal sliced against skin.

Skin slipped into water.

I wasn't wrong.

The water clone that had appeared in between Tazu-wata and myself exploded in a spray of lukewarm water, dousing the side of my arm with PG-representation of arterial flow.

_ His stance is open when he prepares to swing, _I noted dizzily, sparing a glance at Tazu-fu's gobsmacked expression before spinning unsteadily back into position. From the expansive mass of nothingness, Zabuza's eyes met mine.

"Oh~? What's this?" He drawled out gleefully. "Kohona finally pushing out some _ real _shinobi now?"

A shift at my right had Naruto just within my vision, mirroring the same action at my left. 

"What do you mean 'real' shinobi?" Naruto gritted out loudly, calling the man's attention to himself. My joints spasmed like a puppet fitted with the wrong limbs. I wanted to take his tongue and shove it back in his mouth. Tape it in there forever. "I'M A REAL SHINOBI!"

Zabuza chuckled darkly.

_ Shut up shut up shut up- _

"No…" He mused. "You're nothing more than children."

Somewhere out in the sea I was being cast out on, I could only agree.

"But you…" His eyes slid over me, sending shooting, stabbing pain through my temples. The mist hung in front of me condensed with the soft '_ hah' _ that slid through my lips. "_You're _ interesting. Tell me… did you aim for the neck on purpose, _ little girl_?"

Suddenly Kakashi was in front of me protectively, blocking me from Zabuza's sight.

_ I take it back, _ I thought desperately, taking a step back, nearer to the client. _ No don't do that, don't block my line of sight, I need to see- _

"This is between you and me Zabuza." Kakashi threatened lowley.

Zabuza chuckled, deeply amused. "As you wish."

His hand went up again, and I braced myself for the impact.

"Water Style: Water Dragon no Jutsu!"

The surge brought me to my knees.

Blinding pain exploded behind my eyes. A small "Fa-" sound made it past my lips in an attempt to curse, but that's all that made it out.

_ Fuck. _ I thought as I hit the ground, kunia clattering beside me. _ FUCK. Fuck fUCk FUCK _ ** _FUCK _ ** _ it HURtss fuck it _ ** _hurts_ ** _ fuck IT _ ** _HURTS_ ** _ \- _

Blurred forms passed in front of me, and Naruto's voice came from far, far away.

"Sakura-chan? Sakura-chan!"

Water dripped down my cheeks. Down my chin.

My mouth hung open in audible gasps.

There was pressure on my arm, but my vision was blacking out. My feet, my body, my head, my fingers- they chittered and chattered and something thudded next to me but I couldn't make out what it was.

"Sa-k-"

Pain seared across every thought and branded flashing, rapid lights against my fluttering lids, strobing and stretching and pulling and dragging me down into unconsciousness kicking and shaking and moaning and screaming.

Just as I was pulled under, four beautifully scripted words lit up in front of me- like a lasered message on a rotting plank of wood:

  
  


HAVE FAITH, LITTLE BIRD

  
  


"**Wannabe…?**" Inner's voice drifted to me slowly, hovering just outside of what I could ignore. I turned over with an audible groan, doing my best to try and block it out anyways. Every part of me hurt- like when Sasuke got trigger happy with the wolves. "**Wannabe,**" she tried again, "**you up**?"

I curled in on myself, refusing to open my eyes and acknowledge my new found consciousness. "Not now Inner," I mumbled into my arm. "Not good time." 

I heard a small pained sound above me. Like, _ directly _above me.

"**Uh, ** ** _no._**" Inner emphasized a tad hysterically, her tone effectively disintegrating my desire to keep sleeping and encouraging me to _ get the fuck up_.

"**No, I think this is actually the ** ** _perfect time._**"

I tried to ask just what she was talking about, but as I opened my eyes and saw _ exactly _what she was referring to, all that came out was "What do?"

And honestly. _ What do? _

Pulling myself up and turning in sloppy, half formed circles, I gaped at the scene in front of me.

We were in… a field, I suppose you could say. A space of land that went on and on and on, not really having a visible beginning or end. The ground at my feet wasn't made of any definable substance, only charading as foliage in a series of interwoven petals and blooms, much like how old paintings will pass on blotches of color as a pretty woman with far away eyes. The longer I stared at it and the more I tried to focus on it the more it peacefully changed: going from lilies to burlap in the literal blink of an eye. The sky hanging above it was _ stunning_\- no clouds or planets to be seen, but a constant, transitioning color wheel: like someone melted the sunrise and sunset together and told them to share. Everything around me was cast in one of two ways: either it was vibrant in proper color, or it was interlayed in soft tones befitting of a chapel ceiling.

And then there was Inner.

_ What the shit. _

I rubbed my eyes in deliberate circles, even shaking my head once or twice to try and throw off the image.

Inner stared at me, unamused.

"Are you… in black and white?"

"Not the issue here." She replied flatly.

I took her in slowly: she was… Sakura, basically. The same unfairly plump lips, the same long, full hair… she looked like Bubblegum did before I got to her. She was even wearing the evil dress. But…

I walked a circle around her, trying to shake off the effect. It was like a _ moving Polaroid. _ Her body was in some ways real: moving in real time and reflecting light as any 3-D object does, but the light didn't adjust _ with _ her. From behind to the side to her front, her body had the same shadows and the same highlights- regardless of where the actual light source was. Like she was literally _ colored _in.

Puzzling over the phenomenon, I drew a blank. "How... is it not?"

In a 'oh my god, how are you so stupid' motion I was becoming all too familiar with, she gestured to the space behind me. I turned.

"Holy-!"

There, sitting on a regal throne made of ornate vines and thick, strong branches that _ totally wasn't there a second ago- I _ ** _swear, _ **was a… being. They were tall and lithe, broad and sturdy, and so ridiculously pretty and devastatingly handsome that I was having a hard time figuring out if they were within my flirting parameters. They wore a delicately draped wrap that could've been anything from a dress to a cloak to a toga, but it was made from a shimmering, fluttering material that distinctly reminded me of butterflies. They wore no shoes or any other clothing other than that. Their hair was both wild and silky, coming down their shoulders in bunches and waves made of both roasted brown, burnt red, and aged black. Their skin was a dark, olive tone that went up from their toes to their hands, and if I were to have to bet my life on guessing whether they were young or old I'd probably tell you to save yourself some trouble and just shoot me.

"Hello little bird," They greeted softly, echoing like windchimes. "I've been waiting quite a long time for you. Isn't it time you've given me thanks?"

Inner nudged me into speaking, I was so dumbstruck.

"Who…." I asked, my voice rough, looking around in confusion. The outlandish quality of wherever we were made it hard for my mind to catch up, but it didn't take long for me to notice a very important, notably absent fact. "Wait… _ where the fuck is this_? Where are my boys!?"

Inner hissed at my rudeness, but the being didn't seem to take any offence. 

"They are well." They assured, serenely. They had a Zen-like quality to them that I found both comforting and infuriating. "You will see them once you wake."

"Wake?" I echoed, looking around once more. "What do you mean _ wake_? Am I knocked out?"

"Ah, yes." The being sighed forlornly, propping their cheek on their chin. Even their movement had a 'nothing _ but _chill' effect. "You have my apologies for that. I wasn't aware how fragile your mind was before I began the process."

"Process." I repeated blankly, dipping my head into a tight lipped bob. The being smiled back gently, eyes hooded in a half lid stare, clueless to the unspoken question.

After a long, awkward moment of silence, I drew out a breath. "Right. So….?" I stared at them expectantly, waiting for them to expand. They did not. No, what they did _ instead _ was run their fingers through their hair and start _ humming. _

"Ok!" I cut in abruptly, shrugging off Inner's harsh nudge. "Ok, ok, ok. _ Hah_, so let's back up a second here. I am… where exactly?" I asked.

"You are here." They answered simply, beginning to braid their hair.

I pressed my palms together firmly, trying to distract my irritation. "Yeeeeaaaahh…" I drew out slowly, taking a long deep breath, "and here is…?"

"With me." They said.

"No, no. I got that. But here is where _ specifically_?"

They paused their fingerwork with a tired look, one that felt well-used. "Does it matter?"

"YES, IT DOES."

The being sighed almost pitifully, leaning back into their throne. "You mortals and your logistical habits. I had thought I picked you well for your- as you mortals say 'outside the box' thinking, but I see a human is a human after all."

"Picked." I echoed flatly, looking at Inner, to the being and back again. The hysteric edge Inner had when I first woke up had now seeped into my tone, and I was starting to understand just how much deep shit I was in. "Um. Just. Can we- yeah. Let's just start over, yeah? So I am here," I said, pointing to the patterned ground, "with you," I pointed at them, "and here is…?"

The being chuckled, like a parent amused at their toddlers inquisitiveness. "Such an interesting question." They hummed, twirling a lock in their fingers. "Let us say… the burning bush."

"_Bush._"

Inner and I shared a look at the vaguely familiar, yet distinctly Christianic reference. Oh _ god_. 

"Yes…" The being mused, "Well, human labels are often frivolous and inaccurate- not to mention _ socially biased _\- but you may call me God if you so wished."

I tensed. I was completely skipping over the fact that they heard that from my thoughts for the sake of my sanity. Really, I was. But that didn't stop the dead "What." from spilling out of my mouth.

The being blinked at me innocently, _ sincerely. _"What what?" They asked. 

Words failed me as I slowly and _ painfully _connected the dots.

"You're… god." I said more than asked. The colors around the being rearranged and danced, as if pleased for the formal recognition.

"I could be," They allowed. "I am in some circles. Although I am sad to say that your world has lost sight of me in favor of more monotheistic practices."

I swallowed, digesting that information in a tangible pause.

"So…. not god?"

Beside me, Inner hissed underneath her breath. "**Wannabe!**"

She was ignored.

"Perhaps." The perhaps-god appeased.

It was in the stretching, zen-filled, suffocating silence that followed that I decided that- god, not-god, or otherwise- I was _ done_.

"Uuuuuummmm… _ yeah. _ So. Yes-god, no-god- whatever- could I maybe wake up now? Back to my boys? Zabuza and Military were-"

The being cut me off fluidly, as if I wasn't talking at all. "Their altercation has already ended, little bird." They assured. "And I am still waiting to hear your thanks."

I bit down the sassy comment on the tip of my tongue, putting my boys in the forefront of my mind. "Thanks…? For what?"

The being leaned back further with an imperious flair, raising their head in clear, unmistakable pride.

"Your ascension." They answered calmly with a raised eyebrow.

"My…? Wait… you- _ you put me here? _" I stuttered back, far less calmly.

"You lack the capital."

"Ca-?" I faded off, burying the implications and all but SHOVING my train of thought back on track. Inner came to stand behind me, hovering with unanswered questions of her own. "The- that's… no. No no. _ NO. _ Uh, back to the subject. You," I ground out clearly, pointing to the king/queen/god/thing, "as in you, put me," I continued, pointing to myself, "as in _ me _ me, Here, as in a military murder-doctrine _ fun-time manga_?"

Their eyebrow inched up further. "Odd choice of phrasing I must say, but that is correct. And I will have thanks for it."

I gaped at them, trying to funnel my multiple lines of thought into a coherent question. What came out in the end was: "_Why?_"

The being frowned, growing irritated. "You think I do not deserve thanks for what I've done for you?" They asked dangerously.

My illogical, emotional, stupid monkey brain didn't pick up on the tone. "I'm trying to figure out why you did it at all!"

Perhaps-God hummed deeply, settling further in their throne. "I was merely breaking the cycle, little bird. Reincarnation is a methodical process, and it takes unprecedented methods to alter its course."

"Reincarnation." I repeated dumbly, not hiding my aggravation. Perhaps-God nodded sagely, turning their head to look off into nowhere like an _ over dramatic piece _ ** _of shi-_ **

Inner slapped my thigh in warning.

"Yes…" They sighed sadly, as if they were sorry to have to deal with me at all, "The Moon Godess's grandchildren never end well for me, I'm afraid, no matter how many times they are reborn. With this turn being their third life, I'll admit I had gotten slightly desperate."

The hole in my memory throbbed dully. 

"Moon _ what_? Please tell me you're kidding."

Perhaps-God gave me a surprised look, then relaxed into something more apologetic. "Ah, _ yes_. You don't know anymore, do you? That would be my fault. I overstepped my bounds in how much I was allowed to interfere and was forced to adjust. It is of no matter."

"_It kinda is._" I argued angrily. Perhaps-God glared down on me, sitting higher and straighter.

"You think it is your place to decide that?"

At that point Inner hastily put herself in between us, raising her hands nervously.

"**U-um… Kami-sama….?**" She asked carefully, blocking me off from going any further. "**If you put Wannabe here…. then does that mean you know where Sakura is?**"

The being tilted their head in confusion. "Sakura?" They asked.

"_The body I'm wearing._" I seethed loudly. In one smooth motion Inner had me in a head-lock, her hand covering my mouth, smothering what I had to say next, the little traitor. 

"Mmph-!"

Perhaps-God watched us greedily, as if we were an interesting show to keep them entertained. "Ahhhhhh… yes. You mean the _ original _ soul. My deepest apologies, but she's gone."

I fell to the ground as Inner lost her grip.

"**Gone…? Wha- WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S GONE?!**" She cried, stomping her feet and nearly missing my hands as I shoved myself up in shock. The being watched on detached, heaving a long suffering sigh. 

"Her soul was sent back into the cycle when the other was inserted." They explained slowey, as if talking to an ape. "It's only natural after all."

"Natural?!" I shrieked, taking over when Inner choked over her grief and couldn't find the words. "This- this isn't natural! Why the fuck am I where her soul is supposed to be?!"

"It was necessary." They explained hotly, bristling at our fury. "The girl's fate wasn't enough to maintain the balance. She wasn't meant for it."

"_She's a part of the friggin series!_"

"She was wrongly suited and far too weak." They argued. The vast space echoed with my scream.

"**SHE WAS ** ** _TWELVE!!!_ **" 

The being glared at me disdainfully, standing up and bringing themselves to their full height. "I daresay…" they began in a soft, predatory coo, stalking down toward us, "I hear anger in your tone, mortal. I have done you a great service. I even bestowed upon you gifts. Is this how you show your thanks?"

Inner drew back. I didn't.

"Gifts?"

"To be a child of The God Tree is no small feat." They lulled out gently. "To be connected to its fruit is an even greater honor."

_ Pretty words in a pretty tone, _ I mentally hissed _ At what cost? _

"What does that even mean?!?" I demanded, circling them as they were me. Inner drew back further, keeping out of our way.

"I will not use the term you mortals have chosen for it." They grumbled. "To have the great gift and honor of being One With the Land and then to go and call it something as plebian-sounding as 'sensor'-"

"Well, you didn't seem to have any trouble handling us 'plebians' directly, did you-"

"It was necessary-"

"**Necessary?!** " Inner skreiched, finally finding her voice, ** "YOU TOOK HER--"**

Perhaps-God threw out their arms, stilling the ever changing scenery and cutting off our voices as they formed in our thoat. 

"**SILENCE**!" 

Inner flinched, stumbling backwards. I held my ground, conveying the words they took from me with a firey glare. They held that proudly, taking on that same greedy expression as earlier. 

"I have done you a great service Raven-born," they seethed, coming in front of me and staring me down, "and I _ will _ have thanks for it. You were born of another world and gifted to this one _ by my hand _ and I will _ not _stand for you or your shade to spit on that! NOW," they yelled, shaking the scape with their fury and cutting off the magic holding my tongue. "THANK ME."

I coughed out a scoff, raising my fist. "_Thank you_? You're NUTS! I'M GONNA-!"

"**Wannabe-!**"

The being cut us both off, baring their teeth in animalistic glee. "_Good_. Good. _ Now _ you may wake."

At that declaration the edges of the space turned inward, like a piece of paper over an open flame.

"Wait wait wait," I cried out hurriedly, hopping away from the curling edges inching near me. Inner did so as well, hugging me to escape their conquest. "HOLD UP hold UP HOLD **UP**! I ain't suited for this either! WHAT THE FUCK!"

From across the smoking and wilting haze, Perhaps-God grinned harshly at me, eyes filled with glee, greed, and amusement. Their voice echoed ominously around me, like wind chimes in the middle of a blizzard-storm.

"Make no mistake Raven-born, you _ are _perfectly suited for this role. Unstable and unpredictable as you may be, your possessiveness is unparalleled and you do not fear death. It's the perfect combination to fight a god, don't you think?" They intoned with an evil grin. "I cannot wait to see how you do knowing nothing but this."

"_Wait just a fucking minute-_"

The fire ate up all the paper. Both they and I were gone before I could finish. 

  
  


I woke up to a notably _ not _pink ceiling, gently covered in a horrendously comfortable pumpkin jacket and the wonderful, sunshiney blonde by my side.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto cried tearily, noticing I was back by my sorry attempt to sit up. "You're awake! You-" 

He cut off as soon as I managed it, eyes wide and scared like Sasuke's was just across the room. "Wait… your eyes… h-how come they're brown?"

".... Brown?"

(_ Momma swore up and down I was gonna come out with my dad's hair- black as night and sleek as silk. I came out with hers: an old-oak brown three shades darker than my eyes) _

Carefully and slowly I held up my hand in a 'hold on' motion. I gently eased myself out of the bed I was laying on, tiptoed around Naruto and Sasuke's concerned comments and on to the outside balcony, balanced my waist against the railing with a princess-like delicacy, double checked that there was no one I would disturb, and then screamed as long and as loud as my body would physically allow.

  
  



	19. Chapter 19

"So… just to make sure I got this right…" I drawled out tiredly, rubbing small, firm circles in the base of my temples with aching fingers. I felt like the belle of the ball with all the attention I was getting: being propped up at the head of the bridge builder's table by his very _persuasive _daughter the moment she heard me scream to the heavens, layered in what was probably every spare blanket the woman had to offer, and then subsequently offered in no particular order: water, food, medicine, and a friendly act of homicide to whoever I deemed fit. My boys had trailed after me as she dragged me away, both just as overbearingly caring as the daughter was but also politely (_threateningly_) insistent that absolutely no one get near me other than them- something which I could only be grateful for. Because, while I was sure I had more wonderfully fun gifts in store due to they-who-I-fucking-refuse-to-name (and also, now that I think about it, didn't actually have a name _for_) something had become glaringly obvious after I mentally came back from my mini-break down: what _was_ ALMOST tangible chakra touching at the base of my senses with every jutsu or chakra pulse cast before the whole god-fuckery thing (a subject which I was _so _not touching for at _least _another week) had _of course_ turned into an _absolutely _tangible and BLINDINGLY colorful onslaught of every fucking sense my poor little body could register with nothing, and I do mean _absolutely_ _nothing _held back.

In a stunning picture of beauty, eloquence, and grace, the moment I lifted my head and caught the tail end of the natural chakra coming off the trees- which was, by the way, dizzying as all fuck. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life but if you ever fancy giving hallucinogens a try in a 6x6 room covered in splatter paint, you might get a clue- I damn near fell off the railing. Naruto and Sasuke had all but hauled me back inside by my shirt like a ragdoll- probably fearing my imminent demise. (Which, now that I think about it, was probably the reason why none of these people were letting me stand up. Did they think I was gonna pass out again?)

"Zabuza went all full-force badass and I passed out," I continued, running a hand over my forehead in an attempt to ease the pressure. The migraine was absolute _ murder_. "So then Kakashi got serious and _ also _went full-force badass, but didn't get very far because he... got caught in a bubble?"

"Water Jutsu." Sasuke corrected from in front of me, pushing yet _ another _ glass of water across the space between us. So far he'd forced me to drink at least 7 of them, and hadn't shown any signs of stopping.

"Right." I allowed, nodding seriously and poking at the smudged surface with a slight sulk. I get that he was trying to help, really, I did, but if I drank any more water I was going to turn into a fish and fly away along this place's Artemis-forsaken climate. "Water Jutsu _ Bubble _. And you and Naruto had to go get him?"

"We broke the bubble all by ourselves!" Naruto claimed happily, keeping his voice low as he wrapped yet _ another _ blanket around my shoulders. The hand near my cheek was a bright blend of deep blue, pale yellow, and- I can't believe I'm actually saying this- _ orange _ that burned hotter in his pride. The offset of heat didn't quite come from his body, instead coming off him like an object that was left in the sun too long, and it was _ bright as all hell. _ I fought the urge to squint my eyes. I knew from what little experience I had that it didn't help. "Using what you taught us in the bell test!"

Buried underneath the mountain of blankets and carefully thumbing the trigger to what I swear was going to be my newest evolution, I thought back to the bell test. Did I actually teach them anything?

"Insistent hammering?" I guessed with a cringe. The air around him tasted of a warm rain front. The actual non-chakra air was humid and muggy. The combination left an unpleasant sensation on my tongue.

"Henging as an object." Sasuke corrected again, looking at the glass gracing my fingertips significantly. Looking around the blues and greys running over his form like a rippling creek, I pouted but nevertheless picked up the stupid thing and started drinking.

If Naruto's chakra was a mass of heat and energy, then Sasuke's was a hollowed out well: vast, deep, and constantly moving and fluxing so I couldn't be sure what tone I was looking at at any given moment. It was both soothing and terrifying in its own way, kinda like those rivers with water so pure you have no trouble seeing the bottom- and have no idea how far it goes until you dive under.

"Right," I said after a few gulps, feeling it roll around in my stomach. "That. And then we won?"

Naruto grumbled as he plopped down next to me, our thighs touching. His chakra was affectionate and eager: nuzzling along the both of us with playfulness of something that felt safe. "No, not really. This really weird kid in a mask came in with a couple of needles and killed him and took him away like it was nothing!"

"Hunter-nin." Sasuke interjected, pointing at the glass and staring me down. I groaned in the back of my throat and gulped down the rest, slamming it against the table once it was empty and laying my head down next to it. Say what you will about crummy, old wooden tables and just why would you want that in such a humid environment- the cool, almost cold (if I imagined hard enough) feeling it gave me on my forehead was _ everything _.

_ It's always been the little things in life, hasn't it? _ I thought sluggishly. The silence that met me was both welcome and disquieting. It'd been like that since I woke up: Inner's been in what I've come to think of as her 'room', silently grieving over the loss of Bubblegum. I could still feel her in a sense, but she wasn't as present as I was used to. I let her have at it, too busy confronting my own mental hurtle to be of much help, but the echoes of my own thoughts weren't doing me many favors.

_ Oh, to be a quiet, young gay waiting at the table for my crazy to come back from the war... _

"Convenient..." I mumbled into the surface, relishing the feel of my lips as they dragged on the polished surface. If you don't know what I'm talking about you've either been stupidly lucky in the mental department or you're a goddamned _ liar_. "Don't trust it."

My eyelids slowly fluttered as I felt Naruto start running his fingers through my hair, much like I did with him. 

_Thank Artemis_ _for different love languages… _I sighed to myself. His chakra practically snuggled against mine, warm and full and abundant, easing my pain like a well placed hot-pad. I could get used to this.

"Kakashi-sensei said he was gone." Naruto said carefully.

"Don't trust 'im either." I replied shamelessly, not missing a beat. Peeking up from Naruto's fingers and unto the ceiling past them, I squinted. Seeing past things like walls was harder than seeing past things like, I dunno, distance or air, but I could vaguely make out a pitiful mass of blues and whites before my eyes _noped _out and got all fuzzy. I propped myself on my chin, burrowing deeper in my mountain and blinking repeatedly until my eyes refocused. "Is he still out?" I asked.

Sasuke glared at the same spot, taking my (_empty_!) glass without looking and switching it for another. The water sloshed around and over the rim, splattering across the shined, aged surface. A fleck hit my cheek. "Yeah. Chakra exhaustion."

"Probably from the Sharigan." I hypothesized, pulling at the memories delicately. It was a fray of pain and chopped up sequences, but the name still lingered. I eyed Sasuke from around the stupid mass of liquid, remembering just where that particular brand of eye came from. "Wanna talk about it?"

Sasuke scoffed, settling back in his seat, crossing his arms, and sending me a pointed look at the brown being reflected back at me that had nothing to do with tables or wood. "You first."

I groaned softly, both pleased and annoyed that Sasuke was the least destractable out of the three of us. On the one hand it was great because if he wasn't the one on track then I had to be and most of the time I wasn't, but on the other hand I _ really _didn't want to be on this track. The heat stroking around my neck shimmered in poorly disguised interest as Naruto's petting slowed.

"Right…" I muttered dejectedly. "_Me first. _ I don't suppose you'd believe me if I said God came to me in a dream and bestowed me with gifts?"

Sasuke watched me slowly and calculativally. "Did he?" He asked.

"Perhaps."

He turned it over, pursing his lips. "I wouldn't." He said finally.

I thumped my forehead back into its previous position with a sigh. "Thought so."

"But Sakura-chan," Naruto cut in innocently, laying his head in his arms and settling next to mine. His eyes went over mine just as slowly and calculativally as Sasuke's did, probably taking in every shade of chocolate my eyes had to offer. "Isn't that a dojutsu? Like Kakashi-sensei's eye?"

_ Now wasn't that just the question of the hour? _

"I dunno, could be," I said tiredly, blinking against his metaphorical glare. I thought about turning my head to avoid it but then thought better of it. This was something I'd have to get used to. Also, turning my head would involve _ work _and Artemis, I was so tired. "It's possible. But Haruno's don't generally got that."

"You're a civilian." Sasuke stated from somewhere above me, somehow making it sound like a question but not. 

I hummed in agreement, feeling the vibrations travel down my cheek. Thankfully, Bubblegum's memories were rather clear on that particular issue. "_Very_. Momma's a merchant and Daddy's a fool in love."

Naruto bounced in his spot, eyes excited. "Really Sakura-chan? That's so cool! What do they sell?"

I shuffled through the memories, intrigued. _ Now there's a question_. 

Predictably, I was denied. 

"Don't know." I answered glumly, internally grumbling, "They sell stuff outside of Konoha and never take me with them. Something about me being an 'occupational hazard'."

Tazuna's daughter- who, as I'm sure you've probably surmised, I had no idea the name of- made a pained sound from the kitchen.

"Sounds suspicious." Sasuke commented, ignoring her.

"Sounds stupid." Naruto added.

I hummed noncommittally. "Sounds like my life."

Peeking around the living room and the silently fuming woman hovering a few feet out, I noted another absence a little more close to home. "Where's Tazu-ko?"

"Tazuna." Sasuke corrected offhandedly, softly poking at the water glass in a move I pretended not to see. "He's at work."

"Mm. Guess the bridge isn't gonna build itself. We have something on him?"

Naruto raised his hand excitedly, like we were in class and for once he actually knew the answer. "I got a clone, Sakura-chan!"

"Good job," I praised, eyes closed, practically melting into the wood. "Anything so far?"

"Nope! Just long hours of lugging around heavy stuff."

I nodded absentmindedly, opening my eyes again. That sounded pretty standard, if not concerningly exploitable. Clones weren't very sturdy, were they?

"And the adult?" I went on, absently clicking all the pieces of information together like a puzzle. "Any idea how long he'll be out?"

Naruto propped himself on his elbows, looking away guiltily. "Uh, no… we were… actually gonna ask you that Sakura-chan." He admitted, looking thoroughly ashamed for some reason. 'We don't know enough about it."

"You can do it later though," Sasuke interjected importantly, leaning forward on his knees. "It's not like he's dead."

"Checked his pulse yet?" I asked simply.

"No…"

"Breathing normally?"

"Yep!" 

I pulled the blankets around me with a long, drawn out sigh. "Close enough." 

Tazuna's home was small, quaint, and honestly the most lived-in place I'd seen since waking up Here. There were scratches and scuffs along the walls and the furniture, but they were in places where a child might play or where many hands had passed over. Holes along the stairwell spoke of many pictures and memories hung, all rotated to fit the newest season. The appliances of the home were cracked and faded: all with time and _ use. _ The kitchen window had plants lining, all well looked after, properly nurtured, and _ loved. _

It made my skin crawl. The very homey-ness of it, the peacefulness of the house and the air and the obvious care gone into each floorboard sent an itch up my skin, begging for a break from the monotony. It was nice, but it was also _ highly _suspicious- like a little old lady standing on the end of the street handing out homemade cookies for free.

"So what's our plan?" I asked no one in particular, pushing the feeling away.

This time Sasuke joined Naruto in looking guilty, clenching his fists and glaring at his lap. Naruto trailed off uncertainly. "Um… we don't…"

"Don't got one?"

"... No."

I pulled myself up back into a sitting position, already missing the coolness across my temples.

"It's fine, Naruto." I assured lightly, at odds with just how _ heavy _I felt. "I can come up with one for us real quick."

"But it's _ not _fine Sakura-chan!" He argued, grasping my hand in his. Sasuke nodded in agreement.

"But…" I started in confusion, feeling a vague sense of deja-vu at our positioning, "It _ is_. It's just a plan. It's not that much."

Actually, I already had several mental rough drafts going in the time we were talking, but I wasn't going to tell them that. I was supposed to be, as the daughter phrased with emphasis, '_resting_'.

"But you're sick!" Naruto argued more passionately, "And pale! You shouldn't have to do so much!" 

I sent him a small smile, touched by his concern. "Someone has to Naru. And it'll be just this time, ok? Next time we can do it all together. I can show you my process and I can teach you how. Sound good?"

His hue shrank and ruffled in defeat, his shoulders drooping. "Can't we do it today?"

I shook my head sadly. "Sorry love, I don't think we have that kind of time."

Sasuke glared at his lap harder, as if it were to blame. The daughter warded off in the kitchen shuffled awkwardly, clasping her hands to her chest.

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" She asked in obvious worry, looking at me up and down.

I shook my head again, hair flinging around me.

_ If only, if only. _

"No…" I said decisively, for once being absolutely sure of one of the 'what-if's running across my mind. "Big Money Man's already sent out two squads in the last few days to get your dad, and it sounds like he has plenty of money to hire another. We have to be prepared for the possibility of another attack before Kakashi wakes up."

It only made sense to attack the enemy at their weakest, and we were in some rough shape. _ And… _ I thought dimly, flashing back to just how exactly I left the Big They. _ I may have also pissed off a god… _

I wasn't sure how petty they'd be.

Sasuke grunted in agreement. "She's right…" He said, ignorant to my deity delima, "With Kakashi out of the picture we have to be on our toes."

I nodded along seriously. _ Aw, he's so smart! _

"First thing we should start with is an inventory of our arsenal," He continued, pinning me down with a stern stare. "So. Any idea what those eyes of yours do?" 

I shrunk, dismayed to be forced back into the conversation I had briefly avoided. _ Little shit. Why's he got to be so smart? _

"So far it seems to make chakra visible." I drew out slowly, concentrating on him, my chakra, and the pool around my eyes. I pulled and prodded at the flow, trying to ebb away the supply, but it wouldn't budge. "And doesn't really turn off… Nothing else?"

I squinted at him in an attempt to see deeper, like how you squint to see better when you need glasses but don't have them on, but it had no effect. The colors fluttered and flexed around him in his curiosity, but essentially stayed the same.

Naruto flared beside me in giddy interest. "Really?!" He asked, much like a child, "What color's mine Sakura-chan?!"

I bit my tongue lightly. No, I wasn't going to tell him. It'd take his obsession to a whole new level.

"Blue. Yellow." I said shortly.

He drooped lowly, like flower deprived of water.

"Just that?" He asked disappointingly, sitting back.

_ Oh Artemis, I am so whipped. _

I caved after all of half a second. "..... and orange."

He sprung to his feet with a wide, elated grin, knees almost knocking over my ignored offering as he hit the table.

"HELL YES!" He exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air.

As he was celebrating, Sasuke carefully raised his eyebrow- silently questioning me. I responded with a grim shake of my head. While making it up in order to cheer Naruto up _ was _ something I'd do, the universe was unforgiving. His chakra was orange, and he was going to be in_sufferable _for the next few days.

Sasuke sniffed, completely disgusted. "_Of course it is…._"

I smiled silently. I agreed with his revulsion, but it wasn't as if I could say much without sounding like a complete hypocrite. I mean, I _ was _still wearing the pumpkin jacket after all.

My smile grew as I caught Sasuke side-eyeing me not-so sneakily. 

"Yours is greyish," I offered offhandedly, like sharing that information was my idea to begin with, "with lots of blue."

Sasuke leaned in in interest, huffing when Naruto piped up before he could ask anything.

"Really?" Naruto said in surprise. "I thought for sure it'd be red with his fire fetish."

There was a choking sound from the kitchen.

"... fire fetish?" Sasuke asked, annoyed.

"Pyromania." I supplied importantly.

Sasuke bristled with a grunt. "I don't have a fire fetish."

"Whaaaa…. It's something else?!" Naruto exclaimed with an over exaggerated swing of his arms, causing me to giggle. "But Teme, you throw it around, like, _ all the time_!"

"_I don't have a fetish." _He hissed, eyes flickering to me. While it was totally in my power to save him from Naruto's line of questioning, I had 8 glasses of water that needed answering for.

"_Everyone _has a fetish." I chimed in evilly.

Sasuke shot me a betrayed look, arms half outstretched to probably strangle one of us, but the daughter cut in before we could really get into it.

"_Fetish?!" _She shreiked in alarm, turning all eyes on her. "How do you kids even know that word? You're much too young!" She turned to each one of us, hands on her hips in self-righteous fury. "Do your parents know about the kind of things you all talk about on missions?"

All three of us stared at her blankly. 

"My parents are dead." Naruto said finally.

"Mine too." Sasuke added.

She gaped at us in the silence afterwards, clutching at the countertop and looking paler than I was.

"Mine aren't." I added helpfully. 

She looked incredibly alarmed, turning a subtle shade of green I could only empathize with.

_ Welcome to my world. _ I thought with pity. The poor woman only got paler and paler- probably only have had proper, _ healthy _ adult-child relationships in her life prior to meeting our train wreak of a family. _ Good luck. _

"Ah. Well." I hummed, getting back to the task at hand. "Plan? That's what we were doing, right?"

Naruto settled back down beside me with a frown. "I thought we were checking on Kakashi-sensei first."

I hummed again, this time deeper and more lethargic. "Hmmm… _ True…_" I admitted, snuggling my mountain around me like a cacoon. "Ya think he'll kick the bucket before I get the chance?"

Sasuke huffed in amusement, propping his chin on his palm. "Che, we're not the ones who would know."

"Also true."

I sighed, relishing in the feel of comfort and warmth. Naruto had started playing with my hair again and it was making me terribly sleepy.

"It's about… a 5 percent chance, by the way," I yawned, dipping my head to rest on Naruto's shoulder. It was warm and his chakra was snuggly. Great plan. 20/10. "Under half of a percent with a proper pulse… did we check that?"

"Nope!"

My consciousness warred with me. "Ungh… Decisions, decisions… is falling asleep on this wonderful table an option?"

"_ No- _" The daughter cut in, words tripping and getting lost on her tongue. We waited for her to finish, but whatever else she had to say seemed to have gotten twisted there, coming out instead as a choked keen. 

"Mmm. So the lady speaks…" I declared, refocusing on the problem at hand and the ceiling nestled above me. The sorry pool of blue and white was still moving and still present, so I mentally declared Mr. Military _ probably _ ok for the moment.

"Option A has stairs involved." I decided. "B doesn't."

"So plan?" Naruto asked.

"Plan." I agreed.

The daughter looked conflicted. "What if your sensei wakes up?" She asked. 

Sasuke scoffed at her concern. "He's suffering from extensive chakra exhaustion. Even if he _ does _ wake up, it's not like he's _ going _anywhere. The mission takes priority."

"Priority over a man's life." The woman clarified rigidly.

I nodded into Naruto's neck, sighing in exhaustion. "Prioritizing your dad's life over his, actually, but basically."

She stiffened, another cat hanging off her tongue. "We…" she choked out, "We never asked for that."

"You asked for our protection." Sasuke reminded her simply, as if that told her everything she needed to know. "You gave us the job."

Naruto nodded along enthusiastically. "Yeah! We're gonna protect Tazuna no matter what!"

"The Kitty Chamber has no place for me." I muttered, sitting up straight. "Evolution calls."

Her eyes went over each of us fearfully, as if she couldn't understand what she was seeing or wasn't sure if we were serious. "Tha- That's not right!" She argued. "You shouldn't have to do that! You're just kids!"

I blinked blandly up at her. "Shinobi rhetoric doesn't give a damn about age." I said.

Her mouth popped open wordlessly, then closed only to open again. "There's an adult upstairs-" She tried desperately, searching for something I couldn't quite name.

I shut it down harshly. We didn't have the time.

"Yeah? And which one of the two is sitting at your kitchen table, fully conscious and capable of helping protect your dad?"

At that she started crying, and for the life of me I couldn't pinpoint why. Didn't she ask for us to be here? Weren't we here to save her from the grief of losing her father?

"It… it isn't _ right_…"

I cut the conversation off before my own twisted feelings could get in the way.

"Yeah, well. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Who fucking knows? But you can't beg the devil for mercy and cry when he doesn't send out a saint. _ Now_" I emphasized strongly, turning my back on the weeping woman and focusing on my boys, "what do we have left over?"

  
  
  
  
  



	20. Chapter 20

  
  


[Quick author's note: this chapter is the cursed love-child of hours of extensive googling, a generous portion of artistic liberty, and telling a few choice laws- mostly of the physical and/or chemical nature- to, quite firmly and deliberately,  _ suck it.  _ Would any of this realistically work given the situation? Dunno. I'd advise against trying anything out though. There are much easier, far more cost effective ways to screw yourselves over-  _ trust me. _ ]

  
  
  


"Alright," I sighed heavily, kicking off my wonderfully soft mountain of blankets and knocking back a chakra pill with enough force and flair to make a hardcore alcoholic proud. The snapping sound of the pair of powered-blue, comically patterned cleaning gloves against my skin echoed around us, causing the civilians that had been forcibly corralled in the corner to flinch. "Let's do this bitch. Got the vinegar, Naru?"

On the other side of the kitchen, Naruto shot me a backwards thumbs up- throwing his hand over his shoulder and hiking his haunches further in the air. "Sure do, Sakura-chan!" His voice came from under the kitchen sink. "You want the bleach now too?"

I shook my head sadly, absentmindedly throwing my hair up in a bun and dismaying at my life choices. The rubber of the gloves pulled painfully at the bubblegum strands. "One hazard at a time."

Carefully, I laid out an old, used towel across the even older wood table. Inner, who had finally come outside her room, eyed the whole set up dubiously.

**This looks inadvisable. ** She muttered.

Reaching up and slipping on a cloth mask that I  _ totally  _ didn't lift off of my unconscious and currently ill teacher, I hummed softly. 

_ Which part? _ I asked calmly.

A clamouring in the hallway distracted me from her flat, you're-seriously-going-to-ask-me-that stare. I poked my head around the corner. 

"Did you find anything suitable, Sasuke?" I asked, slightly muffled.

The mask smelled like something sharp and something smooth. Like ice-cold sparkling water that had gone flat, sprinkled over static fuzz. (While I was getting better at filtering chakra, describing what it felt like was a whole 'nother story.  _ Before didn't have shit like sensors. _ )

Sasuke emerged from the half opened closet door, holding up two thickly lined, clear plastic tubs from the closet in question. They were medium sized, with dimensions I didn't give a damn enough to guess, but they were big enough. I sent him a thumbs up. 

"Yeah, that's good." 

Sasuke gave a pleased grunt, taking the two buckets and depositing them unceremoniously on my towel-lined table. I quickly ditched the pumpkin jacket, folding it carefully and placing it near the stairs.

"What was his pulse?" I asked, returning back to the table.

Sasuke took one of the buckets to the kitchen, filling it over halfway with water. "Still around 70." He answered.

I hummed as I emptied the rest of Naruto's pouch into the seat next to me and started wrapping up any exposed skin I had showing on my arms from my biceps down. The feel of medical bandages rubbing against me was becoming  _ far  _ too familiar for my tastes.

Assuming Mr. Military kept in shape (which I hoped to Artemis he did because, A: I wasn't an actual doctor and was guessing the shit out of this and B: I  _ sure as hell  _ wasn't anyone who could account for such specific things like  _ pre-existing conditions  _ while shamelessly bullshitting the universe), 70 beats per minute was still a pretty high pulse for an athletic body at rest. 

I had done a physical exam of course- checking whatever I could in whatever way I knew how (can you  _ believe  _ that underneath that fucking mask the man was actually pretty? I went to check his lip color for signs of oxygen deprivation and almost punched the man for it. The man had a  _ mole.  _ A I'm-a-rich-bitch-pretty-boy mole with a chiseled chin and soft-as-silk snow-white skin. The sheer fucking  _ audacity.):  _ he was still reactive, his breathing was proper enough, no signs of oxygen deprivation and there wasn't any inflammation around his neck so his endocrine system  _ probably _ wasn't shot. His thyroid was alright at least, so with any luck there wasn't fuckery going on with his brain. 

The thing was, though, that the general symptoms of lethal chakra exaustion paralled that of a stroke- slurred speech, general confusion, loss of moter function, etc, etc- and to do a proper field examination like I  _ actually knew how to fucking do _ I needed the man awake. And we, the collective we of me, myself, and I because I was the only one in the entire house that had even the slightest medical clue, had  _ no fucking idea when he'd wake up _ . 

"We'll check again in a few hours." I said, taking the two large gallon containers of vinegar Naruto presented me. Why anyone needed that much vinegar for one household was anyone's guess, but I was taking what I could get. Screwing off the lid and scrunching my nose, I started pouring. Even with Kakashi's mask on, the smell bit at my nose and scraped at my throat.

**That's some good vinegar, ** Inner coughed out harshly.

_ That's just what we need. _

Through pursed lips I tried to judge just how much to use. Dulling metal, especially thin metal like nin-wire, was more of a matter of how long you soak it for than how much you soak it in. And I had absolutely no intention of compromising the composition of the stock we had available. Speaking of which…

"How many spools of wire do we have left after setting up the zones?" I asked Naruto, stopping at 3 or 4 inches deep. The wire had to be unspooled anyways and I had other uses for the rest.

Shuffling through the pile that was once his weapons pouch beside me, sorting out the smoke bombs from the slime bombs and picking out the miniscule fuses and triggers with a familiarity and grace that both made me slightly nervous and  _ so goddamned proud _ , he sticked out his tongue in thought. "Uh… like…. Maybe 2? I had to go through most of it for the Lure Zones by the bridge."

I grunted in both understanding and displeasure, setting down the jug beside me and re-screwing the cap.  _ Of course _ we did. 

"Hand me whatever you can spare."

He tossed it across, not looking up from his task. His usually clumsy fingers shifted through the pile with ease, and within seconds it was reduced to several smaller ones: tabs marked with either a red or a blue dot no bigger than my pinky nail, nobs and circuits made to the size of those tiny little screws put on glasses that no one can ever find once they fell off, and honest-to-Artemis  _ miles  _ of minuscule wiring. I blinked dumbly at the pile, trying to metally play tetris with its size, the size of the pouch, and trying to remember  _ how the hell he managed to make it all fit together _ , before abandoning the effort and focusing instead on unwinding the wire in my hands.

"Am I using handmade fuses for the bridge or are we using the tasar?" Naruto asked over his vaht of mechanically inclined genius. 

I thought it over as Sasuke moved next to me, setting down his own personal bucket and grimacing at the smell of mine.

"Handmade." I decided eventually. "Even if Big Money Man wants to use the daughter-"

"Tsunami." Said daughter cut in from the corner. I nodded. 

"That. Tsu-" Hand wrapped lovingly in loops of silver, I paused- distracted. A mental image of a giant wave popped up in my mind. "Wait, really?"

Sasuke reached over my paused hands, gathering Naruto's slime bomb pile carefully and gently within his own, and nodded.

I hummed.

_ Not very original.  _ I thought idley. 

Inner snorted.  **You're one to talk.**

"Well, ok.  _ Tsunami. _ Why not?" 

Tazuna sent me an annoyed look from his marked spot on the floor where he'd been told to  _ sit, stay, and shut the hell up _ , obviously offended by my comment. The one bearing the actual name just smiled tiredly, as if she had heard such things everyday of her life and knew  _ exactly what I was talking about. _ The kid just glared.

"If Big Money goes after her or the kid" I continued fluidly, reaching the end of the spool and ignoring the indingant 'My  _ name's  _ Inari!' sent my way, "it's only as collateral. He might go after them if he has resources to spare, but he's gonna save the big guns for Tazuna- his actual target. I don't want anything bulky and obvious in the main zone."

Naruto nodded in understanding, already picking out what he'd need. "Makes sense. But the handmade ones are gonna have more of a punch, what if we start a fire? That can happen right?" 

Plunging the loosened spool in the burning liquid with a silent groan, I hung my head tiredly. Of course even Naruto could find that flaw in the plan. That's all The Plan  _ was _ : flaws after flaws after flaws.

Staring at my reflection in the searing liquid- pink hair, pale  _ pale  _ skin and goddamned fucking  _ brown  _ eyes- I buried my urge to cry.

_ You're working with what you have,  _ I reasoned with myself firmly.  _ You're trying your best and that's all you can do. _

It was a shitty plan, but it was what I had.

And The Plan wasn't even a  _ plan,  _ per say. It was more of a patchwork of 'just-in-case's that I truly hoped we could use  _ just in case. _ Because, honestly? There was  _ no way _ we'd be able to protect this man, his family, and his home for very long if Big Money Man decided to invest interest before Mr. Military woke up. 

I had drafted up a watch shift somewhere in between being harassed with several glasses of water- one tailored specifically to keep Sasuke and his superior combat skills with Tazuna during most of the workday, Naruto and his unending stash of clones free, ready, and available, and myself playing Comrade General and relief staff for the two. That plan was an actual plan,  _ a physcially feasible _ plan given the lack of  _ one more fucking person _ we had going on, but it overlooked one major aspect of Tazuna's life- the same one that scared the living shit out of me when I went to go check on Kakashi upstairs: the kid. 

Inari, Tazuna's grumpy, little eight year old grandson that seemed to pop up and around whenever he felt like it was one  _ very concerning  _ detail that I chewed the  _ absolute shit _ out of Tazuna for not telling me about. 

Children were a fucking  _ goldmine  _ for Mercenaries. Need the girl to shut up so you can take her quietly? Tell her if she makes a sound and you'll kill her kid. Want the big man to stand down without a fight? Tell him if he moves an inch and the kid decorates the floor. Want your target to come to you without a fuss? Take his grandson and tell him if he wants the brat to live then he better willingly walk to his death- and not to tell his bodyguards where he was going when he did. 

_ Obviously _ I was not amused and promptly rearranged The Plan to accommodate a body with Tazuna and one with Tsunami and the kid at all times. It was tight, it was short-term, it was undoubtedly going to be exhausting, and it was entirely dependent on whether or not we could handle whoever Big Money sent next- specifically if 'we' was just one or two of us.

If we were to rely on just our chakra and physical skills there was no way. Big Money Man hadn't sent anything under a B-rank missing nin so far and I wasn't counting on him underachieving anytime soon. So: The Plan.

The first part of the plan consisted of Lure Zones.

As you could guess from my super duper imaginative title, the Lure Zones were sections of land around the bridge and the house laced and triggered to be highly unfriendly to whatever poor sap that got tricked/led/dragged through them.

The Main Lure Zone was centered around the bridge and a 20 meter radius outside of it, littered with traps and fail safes chosen by Sasuke under Naruto's advisory.

Our presents were of course varied- ranging from smoke bombs to slime bombs to wire traps to poisoned wire traps (courtesy of The Land of Waves and memories of the very lovely Ino Yanamaka fangirling over plants) to  _ electrified  _ wire traps to paper bombs- all placed specifically so that if we were take any number of the text-book perfect escape routes available around Tazuna's work and/or home and some smart cookie might want teach those newbie genin's a lesson and try to exploit that, they might run into some…  _ inconveniences _ . I mean, those were the types of routes we were going to use after all. You know… being newbies and all that.

The house had the same set up, just more thoroughly mapped out for the sake of the child and loppsidedly heavy in and around the tall trees lining the balcony that I  _ swear  _ were made with a fucking sniper in mind. 

The use of the Lure Zones was on an 'as needed' basis, and the electrified portions in particular were labeled as a 'if you don't gotta, please fucking don't' because, as pointed out by my lovable blonde, it could start a literal _ forest fire _ .

_ Fucking semantics… _

"Then we'll put it out." I said dryly, mentally counting out how long the wire had been under.

Natuto looked up from his foraging, alarmed. "But Sakura-chan," He cried, "we don't know any water jutsu!"

From beside me, Sasuke made a long suffering sound. 

"Deadlast," he groaned, ditching his own arm coverings and sending a pleading look to the sky like it might actually save him. In one hand he held a slime bomb provided by said deadlast, in the other he held a kunai. " _ We're surrounded by water. _ "

Naruto gathered up his fuses and wrapped them in a small, white cloth he had stashed in his pocket, returning it there and scratching at his cheek bashfully. "Oh." He laughed lightly. 

Eagerly, he watched Sasuke dip the rounded capsule underwater and pry at the sides to set it off. With a small 'click', HISS, and a round of laughter at Sasuke's grossed out face, the water filled with oozing slime and the canister emptied.

Sasuke grumbled at Naruto's delight. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.  _ You're _ the one lining the nightshade wires." 

"Eh?" Naruto asked, shocked. "WHY ME?!"

"Because you heal." I answered in amusement. Mentally declaring it long enough, I plunged my hands back into the vinegar. Pulling out the wire and draping it over a towel, I started tugging at different portions of the long metal- testing its durability while patting it and myself dry of acidic liquids. The smell was complete murder, but the wire was sucessfully dulled and in no danger of accidently shining and giving away it's position.

_ Fucking mist and its sheen… _

"Did we get the logs cut up yet?" I asked as I patted.

"I got the pile out back." Sasuke said, rinsing out the now empty cartridge and setting it out to dry with the others. "Any preference where to put them?"

After double and triple checking that the excess liquid had been removed, I briefly removed the gloves and started stripping the damp bandages. 

"Run some simulations," I said, running over to the sink and washing my hands and arms. "Any situation you can think of where we're trying to get away and can't. We're going to be using them for substitutions, so don't be afraid to employ different variants of the same scenario, and keep the focus on the main zone. We can always cut more."

Sasuke nodded seriously. "I'll do that then," he said, standing up.

While we could technically use substitution with just about anything, The Plan called for whatever edge we could get and the jutsu was easier to use when you knew beforehand what you were switching with. Besides, the logs we were using were large and unnaturally cut so there was also a chance of them raising suspicion and spurring hesitation in the next Big Bad. 

I paused, hands under the running water. Could we use that suspicion? If we lined them around the lures? Like wards or something? 

"Make them suspiciously patterned!" I called as he headed out the door.

Sasuke nodded, heading out without looking back. I sighed fondly.

_ He could've at least asked why before agreeing. _

Drying my hands and re-applying the gloves, I lined the now dry cartridges in a neat line, sealant at the ready.

"Alright, Naru," I said importantly, once everything was lined up and ready and my goddess was properly prayed to, "Hand me the bleach, and get them outside."

I pointed at the family. The them that had been watching us in interest eyed the bottles of cleaner in clear confusion, shuffling in doubt.

"What is that for?" Tsunami asked, hugging Inari to her chest protectively. She had been increasingly weary of me since the whole 'devil' comment, and I could only hope it wasn't a religion thing. Was there such a thing as evangelicals Here? We'd never gotten along well. "Why do we have to go outside?"

I grunted, pulling the mask more tightly around my nose and starting to circulate chakra through my lungs. "You're going outside because I'm making chem bombs," I explained simply, twisting off each cleaner's caps, "and I don't want to accidentally kill you."

Big Wave Daughter shreaked shrilly, her body spasming. "CHEM BOMB?!" She yelped. She hugged Inari closer to her (as if that would actually help in a toxicity situation…), gaping like a fish out of water and coiling away. Tazuna backed away from both of us, edging nearer to the door.

"Only as a last resort." I assured hastily, sensing their growing fear. I recapped the bottles and started to explain. "It's just in case Tazuna gets captured and we can't get to him. The men Big Money Man hires are just as human as you and me, and the human body doesn't like toxic gas and chemical burns."

Tsunami eased slightly at how I stressed the words 'last resort', and I continued, figuring that this was about a good time as any to fully explain The Plan to them, seeing as I had them all in one place and their undivided attention.

"Ideally," I addressed Tazuna clearly, halting his inching escape with an unimpressed stare, "you would be killed from behind. It's easier that way, and it makes it harder for you to defend yourself."

He froze, paling drastically. I plowed on.

"So this is in case of that. If we can't get to you and you get held up from behind, you set this off as a last resort.  _ Only  _ as a last resort, you understand? And you hold your breath the moment you do. Ok?"

He nodded dumbly. His blank expression wasn't all too convincing, but I figured I could write it down later if I had to.

"Chemical warfare works best in an enclosed space, or directly on their person. It's not friendly fire- so it will burn you too, but you'll be alive to feel it. This is what we'll be putting it in. It's pressurized, and it's activated by hitting a flat surface  _ hard _ or by being pierced right along here." I held up the dried bomb capsule, bringing over to him and showing him the ridge along the surface I was referring to. "If you can, aim for piercing it. You builders always carry around a pocket knife, right?"

Tazuna nodded, surprised that I knew, fumbling through his pockets and procuring the tool. It was more decorative than I was expecting: the handle was embedded with sections of white seashell and pale blue plastic, held together by shining steel. But more importantly it was small, standardized, with a thinly lined blade made to get into tight spaces. I inspected it thoroughly, nodding to myself.  _ Perfect _ .

"Use that," I instructed. "It's small enough to get an angled hole, and if you're lucky enough to make that happen you'll be able to aim the spray at your attacker and avoid some damage."

Turning to the kid severely, I held the same capsule all but three inches in front of his face. 

" _ Do not touch this _ ." I warned, waving my hand with every word.

The kid gulped, nodding in understanding and fear.

"We've set up traps and lures around your house and your work." I continued, gently waving the already fidgeting Naruto to be patient with my free hand and standing back up. "And there are a couple of 'holes' we've made for you. The holes are safe spaces meant for you to hide in if we need to focus more on attacking than defending. They're hidden, and lined with powder meant to hide your scent. So that's what the white stuff will be if you end up using being shoved down there, and it's in your best interest to keep it there, yes?"

Tazuna nodded both sagely and sheepishly, pink lightly coloring his cheeks. "I understand."

I smiled happily. " _ Good _ . Now, in the event that we have to use either of those, whether it's the lures or the holes, we'll need your cooperation. If we say run left, even if the right makes more sense to you, that's what I need you to do. If we say hide and don't come out, then I don't care what the fuck you hear, you stay. Understand? Shinobi like to use tricks to get their targets. We're going to need your trust to do our jobs."

Both Tazuna and Tsunami smiled at that, one resigned and bitter and the other haunted and knowing.

"I wouldn't worry about that, little girl." Tazuna rumbled shyly, eyes far away and uncomfortably soft. "We trust you." 

I smiled awkwardly, at the very least relieved that I had one less battle to fight. "I'm glad," I said in a rough squeak, cursing my 'feels skills' and getting back on track, "Because there's some things I'm going to need you to do for me, starting right now."

The dad and daughter shared a determined look, bobbing their heads once more. "What do you need?"

I almost beamed. Why couldn't all our clients be this cooperative?

"Ok," I listed quickly, trying to get the ideas out before they ran away, "so starting right now, we're only using the first floor of the house. We'll move Kakashi down here, and your bed things as well. It's not going to be comfortable, but it'll be easier to keep you safe if we have less ground to cover, and we can trap the staircase with things from the house. I'm going to need to stay away from windows the best as you can as well. We'll need to move some things around to accommodate the space, but I promise we'll move it back where you want it when this is all over."

They agreed easily, even the kid who I expected to kick up a fuss. Which reminded me- "And Tsunami?" I cut in harshly.

The woman in question flinched. "Y-yeah?"

I drew next to her, stressing this as much as humanly possible. 

" _ Inari stays with you _ ." I said slowly. "I have only one body to offer for your protection, if you want that to include him as well then he  _ has  _ to be with you. Do you understand?"

Her eyes widened and flickered to her child. When they met mine again all the fear there had dissolved, hardened with resolve of a mother. 

"I understand." She vowed.

The kid writhed, a hateful frown slitting across his face.

"What if I don't want your protection?!" He shouted, leaning toward me threateningly. Naruto tensed at his tone and I swallowed back a curse, damn near losing my eyes to the back of my head with the force I rolled them.

_ Oh for the love of- _

**Kind of an uppity brat, ain't he? ** Inner chimed in with all the amusement of a spectator. Tsunami clung to him fiercely, her former fear returning with a vengeance. 

"Inari!" She cried, "DON'T SAY THAT!"

The tiny little eight year old roughly jerked out of her grip, advancing on me more aggressively and ignoring his crying mother.

"What's the point?" He raged on, throwing out his all too short arms and craning his neck to glare at me. There were tears gathering at the corners of his cheeks, but he seemed to be ignoring those too. "You're all going to die anyways!"

**Morbid. ** Inner commented.

_ Hurt child.  _ I sighed back.

Fuck this place and its lack of therapy.

Naruto gritted his teeth and heat filled the air. My body shivered as his once orange aura twisted red, pearling into dark peals of clotted scarlet. "WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED-"

I blocked the boy from Naruto's rage, throwing out my hand like the kid did and inserting myself between them.

"Naru." I cut him off firmly, resting my palm on his chest. It twittered in the same way a snake's head would twitch when stalking its prey. "Stop."

I watched and waited as the red faded, calming and easing until it hovered just above a summer's day, before turning back to the shaking boy who, to Inner's surprise, didn't run away.

Internally sighing and setting down the cartridge, I walked over to the boy and knelt down to his angry and teary face. 

I had my suspicions before, what with the lack of a father figure, isolating behaviors, and the torn picture gracing the mantel place, but  _ holy hell  _ was it written all over the kids face- he was terrified.

Gnawing at my lip I debated how to proceed. Maybe start with the parent that hadn't abandoned him? 

"Inari," I started gently, firmly and carefully placing my hands on his shaking shoulders, "please don't say things like that in front of your mother. She loves you very much and wants to see you grow up and live. You'll make her sad if you say you don't want to be protected by people who might want to hurt you."

He sniffed and jerked his shoulder, trying and failing to escape my hold. Tear drops gathered on the floor panel and pattered on top of my knees as his whole body drooped and his head hung.

"Doesn't matter…" He muttered bitterly, rubbing roughly at his face. Above us, his mother muffled a sob. "You won't make it. You can't help us."

This time I audibly sighed, looking to the ceiling and then to the floor for help. Just how was it that I was more qualified to be a butcher than I was to help some sad, eight year old kid? Was this karma? 

"You could be wrong." I hedged softly, dipping my chin so I met his eyes. He scowled indigently, his lips wobbling around his rebuttal.

"So could you." He challenged.

Discomfort and general uselessness aside, I had to smile. A certain dark haired grump came instantly to mind as I took in his set jaw and pinched nose. Ah  _ yes _ … The defiance of youth.

"Yeah…" I reluctantly allowed, placing a hand on his head, "Yeah, you're right. I could be wrong. You could be right. I might not be able to protect you and your grandpa like I want to."

The kid looked at me shocked, like he wasn't expecting me to admit it. The mother tried to protest, but I steamrolled over her.

" _ But, _ " I stressed calmly, cupping the boy's unsure face in my hands lovingly, "I've made the decision to try. And, Inari… that's  _ my  _ decision. It's a choice only  _ I _ get to make. Whether I succeed or fail has  _ nothing  _ to do with you, and what I do  _ isn't  _ your fault."

Inari hicupped in my hands as I tried to wipe the tears away. 

"I've decided to help," I continued, "So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to help you- I'm going to protect you and your family from the people after you in every way I know how until there's no one trying to chase you or I can't try anymore."

At this Inari cried even harder, openly sobbing around my fingers. After a minor internal debate I kissed him softly on the forehead and sent him a cheeky grin, adding a "Whether you like it or not" on the end. I flushed as Naruto snickered behind me, undoubtedly remembering the same lecture I gave him and Sasuke.

"Sakura…"

Tsunami got all teary, one hand shakily covering her mouth in some sort of sentimental gush of emotions that I knew for a  _ fact  _ was going to make me want to crawl in a hole and die.

"OKAY," I cut in loudly, bolting to my feet and fleeing back to the table with the little bombshell with all of the grace of a drunk goose, pointing importantly towards the door, "Now out. I ain't about to poison y'all and make Big Money Man's life any easier."

"But what about your sensei?" Tsunami asked, leaning around from where Naruto had begun herding them with a concerned expression.

I waved a dismissive hand.

"He'll be fine," I answered lightly, ( _ probably _ ) "he has a mask on too. And who knows? Maybe the smell will make him wake up sooner."

Tsunami's eyes softened in understanding. "You must be anxious to examine him." She said emotionally, "I remember you saying you can't do a proper one until he's awake…"

Naruto laughed, saving me from answering and ushering them out the door with gentle shoves. "Don't worry," He declared confidently, "Sensei's in good hands! Sakura-chan is the best!"

I sent them a wave as they crossed the threshold, humming an old lullaby once I was sure they were gone. Inner came back to life as I began mixing up the bleach and vinegar.

_ Fiddle-dee-dee, oh fiddle-dee-dee, the fly ran off with the bubble bee~ _

**Not going to correct them? ** She asked conspiratorially. I screwed on the first cap, running sealant around the canister's ridged sides.

_ It's the same thing really.  _ I thought back.

_ Oh, won't you come and play with me~? _

**Suuuurree… ** She drawled, not convinced in the slightest,  **You know, a proper medic wouldn't take advantage of their patients inability to move to interrogate them on their teaching habits.**

I snorted, coughing out the fumes that came my way. 

_ Said the fly~ _

_ Hey, don't look at me. I haven't taken any vows. _

_To the bubblebeeeeee~_


	21. Chapter 21

I did briefly debate on how to go about interrogating Kakashi without further aggravating his already weakened state- really, I did- for, like, a whole 2 seconds. Two completely compassionate, lovingly gentle, medic-ethic-in-the-forefront-of-the-mind seconds. But after those long two seconds had passed, a very insistent voice in my head that  _ wasn't _ Inner said that, hey, _ my man _ : you and your boys have been working a nonstop shift change/guard detail for 68 hours while the pansy actually got to sleep. You've been playing sensei for the last  _ three months _ while the fucker did who-knows-what. This is the longest you've seen the man in any amount of time  _ and that's because he was unconscious _ . So, really- _ really-  _ A) What the frickidy fuck are you trying so hard for and B) are you  _ really _ going to expend more energy for this priss by pretending like you care? Like…  _ really _ .

They were  _ such _ good arguments. Arguments to which the answers were A) I was trying to at least _ pretend _ that I was a decent human being-  _ let me live my lie, goddamnit _ and B) Ha!  _ NOT A FUCK-ING CHANCE. _

Kakashi's slated eye gaped openly at me, his  _ stupidly pretty  _ lips partially open in shock. The fingers at his side jerked, brushing briefly against my progress thus far and the blotched, bruised skin covering my knee. His chakra fizzed and glitched, popping across his bed bound form like millions of white, black, and grey pixels framed in glass. From my kneeling position beside him, I raised an eyebrow imperiously.

"Your static is cha-cha-ing no so smoothly there, pretty boy." I commented idley, raising my kunai to meet the lock of hair in my fist. Pink strands littered around me and there was a banging noise from the mental time out room I trapt Inner in. "Problem?"

The man blinked dumbly, drinking me in. His face moved sporadically: cheeks and jaw stopping, pausing, and restarting. Horror haunted his eyes once he registered that not only did he have no mask on-  _ I was fucking wearing it _ .

I smiled innocently, the soft material caressing my cheek. I didn't give a damn that he couldn't properly see the action.  _ I had his mask _ .

To him, I probably looked unhinged. I mean, I  _ was _ unhinged, but not because I was sporting a half-finished chop shop butch haircut that I was determined to do myself. That shit was a  _ godamned gift  _ and appeased multiple warring states inside me- mental, lesbian, or otherwise.

No, I was unhinged because of reasons.

Many reasons.

All the reasons.

And now I probably looked like it. 

And, you know,  _ maybe  _ cluing in the iffy-adult on just how much teeter was working with my totter wasn't the  _ wisest  _ of choices, but I already had one foot in the water and as the non-Inner voice pointed out:  _ I didn't care. _ So yeah. My mind had been long gone, but now that my last fuck decided to go and  _ join  _ the stupid fucker, this man- this ghostly, absent, infuriating slab of electrified meat mush that was now bright-eyed, bushtailed, and fucking  _ awake _ \- was going to have to deal with it. 

Prominently.

A long silence drew out as his mouth worked through possible responses, opening and clenching with his jaw only to be swallowed down a second later. His eye bounced between the kunai in my hands, the strands on the floor, and the room we were in- probably noting the kitchen to his left and the distinct smell of bleach that still hung in the air. I'd like to think it also lingered on the blotches of irritated skin peppered across my hands, but I knew better than that.

"Your eyes were green before." He said finally, tone shallow and weak.

Sunlight filtered through the window, highlighting the gleam of the knife and the flecks of amber embedded in my unimpressed stare. Birds chirped outside, positively  _ delighted  _ to see a new day. I hummed in disinterest.

"God gave me the finger and left them as a gift." I said, switching hands and showing him  _ without a shadow of a doubt  _ which finger I spoke of with flourish. "This finger, here."

The newly awakened man flinched as I boldly flicked him off, blinking both slowly and rapidly as I shoved the raised appendage in front of his uncovered nose and started waving it side to side. The left over smell of ammonia wafted between us- sharp, hard, and heavy.

His chakra shuttered.

"Can you follow this finger with your eyes," I asked simply, waving my hand faster and pulling the waves of white along like a puppet on a string. To my pleasure, Kakashi's chakra was almost as responsive as Naruto's. "So I can figure out if you fucked up your brain when you bottomed out?"

Kakashi twitched, annoyed. "My brain's fine." He said with drawn eyebrows and dipped lips. His eye narrowed toward his nose as he attempted to focus on my blatant 'fuck you', his sky-toned well painfully crawling away from his core.

I laughed, the sound coming out as more of a crazed bark than any laughter I'd ever heard as I watched the tension surge, snap, and recede- his body couldn't take the strain. Mr. Military Badass couldn't  _ manipulate his chakra _ . 

Two spots of light darted along the wall beside him as I flipped the dagger to and fro lazily, twirling to just beside my cheek and back again like a cat's tail once it caught sight of a canary. 

"Oh? Is it?" I asked gleefully, leaning in so we were but just inches apart. Hatched lines of pink dusted his cheeks and sprinkled over the duvet, fluttering off me like snow. "But  _ how would you know _ ? You  _ passed out _ , remember?"

Looping the kunai loosely on my index finger, I held it just over his nose menacingly- satisfied at the way he tugged at his chakra once more. It was nice to know I was being taken seriously.

"As the responsible party of Team 7-" I continued a tad hysterically, noticing the tone but doing nothing to correct it, " _ the one in charge,  _ if you do so remember correctly- I can't just  _ not _ check."

Kakashi shifted uneasily underneath his blanket, his lips worked into an apathetic swallow. He kept the rest of his face relaxed- everything else about him calm, collected, and conditioned- but the lips betrayed him. Infuriatingly pretty, big and full and pale as they may be, they were  _ extreme _ ly expressive. Distantly, I considered that maybe the man  _ didn't  _ wear a mask just to fuck with us but instead used it as a tool. After all, you couldn't exactly be a badass liar if your kissers were always giving you away.

Of course it could also be an Option C situation- killing two birds with one stone and all that. 

He hummed nervously, lip line twisting into barely definable squiggles and his visible eye trained on the tip dangling over his nose. "Ah, no need, Sakura. I'm fine. No worries."

A completely foriegn sound came out of my chest in response, wind whistling from my lungs and the taste of bitter metal scraping across my tongue. Repressed emotions cascaded through my limbs and shook my hands. The fingers holding the deadly weapon trembled. 

Kakashi's white on grey on blue squirmed. 

If only the motherfucker _could see my face_.

"Ah?  _ No worries _ ?" I echoed, baring my teeth like a rabid animal and readjusting my grip. His chakra jumped just below the tip. "I'm so sorry,  _ sensei _ , but you will find that I am, in fact,  _ full _ of worries. MANY WORRIES! Most of those worries orbit around trying to figure out how  _ the fuck" - _ the metal moved with me, coming dangerously close to his shivering skin as I seethed- "I'm supposed to keep my boys alive and safe these days when our sensei  _ never comes out to play _ , buuuuuut" -the word drew out long, high, and playful- "we'll save that for later, yeah?"

He didn't respond past a half lidded, bored stare- all his focus still on my left. I followed it, dragging my attention over where the blade had settled unintentionally- loosely gripped, sharpened edge resting down and up: just one easy motion away from his unprotected neck- up and along his near frantic chakra, and back up to his disinterested expression.

I understood instantly.

Kakashi Hatake, the dead man after my own heart, was bluffing. He was scared shitless, acting like he wasn't, hoping to whatever god he prayed to that if he bullshitted the universe long enough he'd get to live.

It was as infuriating as it was understandable.

My empathy reared its ugly, annoyingly compassionate head.

Reluctantly, I flipped the metal back towards my palm- internally grumbling at how  _ my patient's  _ chakra calmed.

_ This whole thing would probably be easier if I was a sociopath…  _ I sighed, ignoring the muffled, alarmed screech that came from the time out room.

I prodded him again, flicking him off more gently. "Follow the finger." I ordered.

With one last look at the knife, the finger, and me- his unfocused iris burying his fear, his uncertainty, and his completely unnecessary and ineffective attempt to corral his chakra once more, like,  _ dude stop doing that before you fuck yourself over more than you  _ ** _already are_ ** \- he did. I slipped out orders to him as I moved the curse around- 'up', 'left', 'cross your eyes'- only relaxing my finger and returning to my hair once I was confident that his tracking was good enough. 

Did I actually know how the human eye was meant to track moving objects and what was  _ supposed  _ to be good enough? No. Not at all. But  _ whatever _ . I tried.

"Wonderful." I praised without really meaning it, hacking off another lock with a flick of my wrist. Kakashi watched me like an injured wolf, like I was liable to lash out at him if he poked me the wrong way. I ignored his accuracy. "Now, who's currently Hokage?"

His half-lidded eye drooped.

"Is this really necessary?" He sighed. The motion had more expression to it now that I could see his cheekbones.

I grunted, giving him the Stern Doctor Stare ™ and pausing my task. Blankets crinkled audibly as he shrank back.

"Ho-ka-ge." I repeated slowly, drawing out the vowels more than what was strictly necessary out of pure spite and lopping off another lock in a clear, harsh motion. "Now. Who?"

Kakashi averted his eye in a sulk, lips puffed out in a groan. His chakra practically  _ curled _ .

My eye twitched sporadically.  _ What are you, two? _

Muffled agreement came from the time out room.

I glared down at him until his resolve faltered. "Sarutobi-sama." He muttered lowly, picking at the covers, childishly mutinous.

I resisted the urge to stab him.

_ Patient mentality  _ I repeated to myself firmly, cutting off another strand with deadly force. White waves shuttered at my knees.  _ Patient mentality. _

" _ Coolio _ . Now count backwards from 100 in intervals of five."

The man looked at me like I asked him to kick a puppy and then feed it to a  _ snake _ . I deadpanned in horrible, horrible resignation. 

_ And once again  _ I mourned not so gracefully, settling back on my ass,  _ I am the closest thing to an adult in the room. Fucking  _ ** _precious_ ** . 

I decided to switch tactics.

"If you want to pout that's fine." I hummed boredly, cleaning the hair out from underneath my nails in slow, smooth motions and looking at him importantly from underneath my lashes, "I got all the time in the world and only  _ one _ of us here is stuck to a bed."

The overgrown child sighed, looking down at himself and attempting to flex his toes. The blanket moved with a slight twitch but the motion was miniscule at best and delusional at its worst. I dusted the bits of hair off my lap, smug.

"So it seems…" he murmured distractedly. He looked around at the house again, his neck craning to see around me. "Where are Sasuke and Naruto?"

I smothered the beast that hissed in return.

_ Why wasn't that his first question? Why was the color of my eyes more important than the other children under his care? Why was I spending the time I was meant to be sleeping to ask THIS FUCKING MAN- _

Running my fingers eagerly through my locks and just  _ preening  _ at the length, my fingers flicked expertly and giddily as I went to clean it up. It was an uneven haircut- one meant to look like I went at it with a broken buzzer and just never cared enough to fix it- and it just screamed  _ me _ .

For the first time in for-fucking-ever, my soul felt at ease.

"Sasuke's with Tazuna, his shift ends in an hour. Naruto's with Tsunami and Inari at the market with a similar eta. I got a clone playing relay, and the meat suit playing medic." I answered pleasantly, ignoring the alarmed look he gave me at the words 'meat suit'. It wouldn't make any sense to him- or to anyone Here for that matter- and I was 100% A-Ok with that. 

I was so fucking done trying to make things make sense. 

"Are you going to start counting?" I asked.

He sweatdropped, head thudding back on the pillow. "Mah… my student is so uncute." I nodded in understanding.

_ I tried. _

"I'm translating that as 'fuck you'." I declared, running my fingers over the ridges and measuring them up. Three inches on the left and about six inches on the right, just long enough to brush my jaw and just messy enough to make people wonder if I did it on purpose or if I had one hell of a night. It was  _ perfect _ . "How long do we have until you're mobile?"

Kakashi blinked at me, taken aback and knocked off kilter. His gaze ranked over me, more thoroughly and with more weight than before- scanning my features, glaring into my soul, and more likely than not scavenging for whatever train of thought I just lost. 

"... I didn't say that…"

"It's what you meant." I supplied bluntly, under no impression of anything else and not willing to waste my time pretending otherwise. There were more important things to address. 

"You're evading." I said airily. "Is it going to be long?"

A sinking feeling punched me in the gut as the words crossed my lips and he looked away. Oh  _ Artemis.  _ Was it going to be long? The Plan was only a temporary measure! What the fuck was I gonna do if he was out, for like, a month? 

His stammering pulled me out from the hole I was inevitably digging for myself. "I- uh, maybe 3 days?"

Relief crashed through me. Ok, so not that long.

"So 7." I stated, brushing my thumb over my lip in thought and spitting out the bits of hair that stuck there. 

We... could hold out that long, I thought, running the numbers. It would fucking suck, and we'd more than likely be at the end of eachothers throats by the end of it, but… maybe if we picked Kakashi's brain for more substantial traping ideas and got an inventory of what he had  _ with _ him...

"I said three." Kakashi corrected severely, breaking my train of thought. I looked up blankly, pausing my revisions.

"I don't believe you for shit." I said honestly, brushing off hair from my ear.

He frowned, his shoulders and chakra tensing, twisting in a weird way I didn't yet recognize. "I'm your sensei." He argued confidently.

"And I'm the one who's been doing all the teaching." I retorted simply. Guilt crossed his face and discomfort rippled through his body, spilling all around him like globs of oil paint yet to be mixed. 

_ Ah… so he WAS aware he was doing it,  _ I thought shakily. I was toeing a fine line somewhere in between eruption and disassociation. Like a citizen from Pompeii just first taking notice of the dark clouds hovering over their mountain.

I shoved the thought aside.

"But, hey, I'll tell you what: I'll compromise on 5 because I'm a nice person."

An odd silence followed as we stared at each other, him in a calm he didn't feel and me with a smile I didn't mean. It was both charged and awkward- what with him digging for what I assumed to be an explanation and my fragile composure clattering off the edge at a concerning pace and the gratingly happy birds twittering outside. Burning bile rose to my throat as I tried to swallow down the tsunami of repressed emotion I had locked away. Exhaustion- both mental and physical and existential- whithered away at my defenses.

_ Please just tell me why _ , I mentally begged, feeling every inch of the bruises painting my skin. 

"You've done a good job." Is what he finally said.

My defenses crumbled like rice paper in a hurricane. 

I laughed. It was an ugly, angry, breaking laugh that I was  _ so _ grateful my boys weren't around to hear and it had Kakashi instantly  _ writhing _ . 

His colors struggled under the tone.

It was mocking. 

Twittering. 

_ Feral. _

I honestly forgot where I was and what I was doing.

"Oh, I _have,_" I heaved through upturned lips. I could've been anything from amused to livid to tiptoeing around a psychotic break. I didn't know anymore and _holy shit _did I not care. _"_Haven't I? But I do have to wonder just _why _that has been my job- 'cause- 'cause _ha_\- I'm hardly _qualified_, yeah? _Care to weigh in_ _sensei?_"

My chakra coursed around me like a coiled snake. It usually kept near me, like a well trained puppy pleased to be with its master, but now it was out: hackles raised in tones of blue, purple and opal- underwater, under pressure, and mixed with crude oil. Glopping together, tantalizingly beautiful, and  _ practically begging  _ to spark.

Kakashi feigned indifference. His chakra cowered like a puppy underneath the wrath of a barbed belt.

"Does it matter?" He asked, bored. 

The weight of the kunai became more prominent. Embers licked at my edges. I didn't allow myself to humor the first impulse to pop up.

_ Compartmentalize, Raven.  _ I ordered myself through no small amount of effort, hand tightening and twitching with need.  _ Idiot brain impulses in one box, reactions and consequences in another. Breath in, try again. _

I drew in a ragged breath.

The tightened grip didn't loosen.

" _ Hatake, _ " I began slowly. My chest strained with the effort of keeping my tone sweet. It dripped across my tongue like poison. "Logically, I understand you're deflecting because you're  _ uncomfortable _ . Emotionally, I am fully prepared to slit your throat, leave Tazuna to his fate and drag my boys back home declaring the mission a failure and you an unfortunate casualty.  _ So _ ," I emphasized strongly as his eye narrowed dangerously and his body tensed, holding a finger in the air in the universal gesture of  _ wait one goddamned fucking minute _ , "Let's start again, shall we? Here, I'll try to do better too."

I forced myself to relax and push aside my fury. I gestured to myself, hand on my chest. 

"I," I started out, trying desperately to remember just how those stupid 'I Statements' worked and keep my _burning seething feral beast _out of my tone, "am feeling overwhelmed and could use some comfort. I feel like an explanation would give me the comfort I need. Kakashi-sensei _could you please, _in a clear and concise answer that I can understand given the mental state I am in, worded in a way that might help ease my worries that I have _so many of, _explain to me why I have been shouldering the weight and responsibility of being Team 7's sensei when I- _myself_, am just a student?"

The man looked away, sweat dripping down his neck. His chakra twisted again and again- evading and running when the man's body could not. "Ah, well, the term student is open to interpretation..." He hedged.

The anger I had pushed aside nudged at me, the same one that I had leeched from my tone not even a second ago.

The he-child wouldn't look at me.

"That's a non-answer." I darkly intoned, anger already back in my lap and so snuggly at home. A soft ringing noise went off in my ears.

_ Why was he making this so hard?  _ I seethed, grip on the knife becoming painful.

He flinched. "Mah, mah. So direct-"

"Evasion." I hissed, nerves bunching up, so ready to strike.

He looked at the ceiling  _ not at my eyes- why not MY EYES-  _

"Ah, Naruto and Sas-"

I cut him off.

" _ Distraction _ ."

His lips pursed, eyes meeting my own- _finally, but they were blank, blank and empty_ _oh so empty-_ expression rearranging to something more severe. "Sakura," He warned seriously, "What I do with my team isn't for you to question."

Fingernails bit into my palm and my knee and teeth ripped away at my lower lip as I watched not his face, but his chakra. His twisting, melting, practically  _ screaming  _ chakra.

It was nervous.

_ He  _ was nervous.

Erratic. 

Scared. 

_ Ashamed. _

I cooed as the meaning clicked, stalking around him like a black widow waiting to ease its prey into its nest ( _ It'd be so easy to make him pay,  _ the beast purred  _ he can't run, he can't fight, he can't move)  _ " _ Oh?  _ And now you're going to try and use your completely  _ untouched  _ authority to threaten me into submission, all to save  _ your pride _ . How  _ low. _ "

White, blue, and grey folded in on itself.

I was right.

I was  _ fucking right. _

" _ Haruno- _ "

My control snapped. My body lunged. Kakashi flinched as the knife hurled towards him, embedding itself in the wood laid just near his cheek at a speed I couldn't track, thrown with all the force I could gather.

A memory from Before hovered somewhere in the middle of the proverbial storm: me, when I was young, settled on Momma's lap. 

" _ Bottling up your feelings _ ," she had said, " _ is like shaking a bottle of coke. If you keep doing it and doing it without releasing some of the pressure, you're going to explode _ ."

I hated how she was always right, even when I was  _ dead _ .

( _ So easy, so easy, so easy,  _ the beast begged  _ can't get up, can't defend- _ )

"_NO!" _I screamed. The sound scraped red and raw, and to who it was aimed for could've been anyone's guess. Tears dipped across the wood, the covers, his face. I started openly sobbing- one of the glorious merits of being a frustrated crier. The bed-ridden man shook minutely, eyes wide with fear and all false bravado gone. "You do _not _get to evade this Hatake!"

Practical steam came out of my ears as I jerked the kunai out of the wood, surging to my feet unsteadily and gesturing wildly with every word that came out of my mouth that  _ would just not fucking stop _ . The world shook and swam as my bottle burst- my body cursing me for ever thinking my volcano was only a mountain. 

"I have spent months-" I ranted uncontrollably, legs shaking with effort and rage as I stumbled and paced, "- _ months _ ! High strung and in  _ way  _ over my head just to fill your shoes. I have spent more nights in the library than I have my own home-"

_ Her home  _ I corrected silently through the haze taking over me,  _ the home isn't mine, it's HERS. _

"-just so I'd have something to give my boys the next day! I've spied on Jonin training seminars,  _ risking my shinobi license, _ just so I'd know what our next lesson was  _ supposed  _ to be so we didn't fall behind! I have given myself  _ scars-"  _ my arm bust out at its own accord, displaying those pale, thin lines in the afternoon sun. Kakashi openly flinched, openly gaped at them- I thought he was watching us on our missions. I didn't know how to feel about being wrong. _ "- _ learning how to heal minor wounds because we keep getting hurt and I'm the only one they can turn to. I've broken into the general administration building,  _ illegally _ , to prepare and pre-approve our missions to fit our skill set. I've spent every paycheck thus far on my boys,  _ every fucking paycheck _ , because they have  _ nothing _ -"

My arms flew up to the ceiling. I couldn't see straight, I was crying so hard.

"-Nothing! Do you know what was in Naru's fridge before I got to it? Ramen.  _ That's it. _ "

My heart clenched at the memory. My head swam. It was supposed to have been a team dinner- basically a let's-patch-ourselves-up post-training shindig under the guise of a healthy team activity. Naruto had all but thrown himself to volunteer as host and Sasuke was cool with it just so long as his place wasn't  _ orange. _

And it wasn't.

It was just empty.

"That's all he's been eating!" I shouted both in anger and in shame. My chest heaved with guilt. How had I not noticed? "His home had no heat, his pantry had no food, and he had no help. And Sasuke?-" My voice broke at the name and the resounding self blame attached to it now.  _ How had I not noticed? _ "-Have you ever even  _ been  _ to that godforsaken compound?"

I demanded to visit the minute I saw Naru's fridge, terrified that Sasuke was living in similar conditions. 

Oh how  _ I was wrong _ .

"There's no furniture anymore." I hissed. "Some places don't have  _ walls.  _ I had to learn how to get blood out of wood because  _ some of it was  _ ** _still fucking there_ ** . I have had more mental breakdowns in these last three months then I've ever had in my entire life. I have given everything to be the sensei of Team 7. And then you-" I jabbed my finger in his direction, chakra slithering across my form. The fear was in his eyes now, I noted. He couldn't keep it off his face. " _ Fucking you- _ have the  _ nerve _ \- the fucking AUDACITY to  _ sit there _ from where you've been lounging on you ass all this time and claim  _ my team  _ as yours, to tell me it isn't  _ my place  _ to quesiton how you do things- all because I'm making you uncomfortable? Because I demand to know why? HA!"

The harsh sound echoed throughout Tazuna's home, ricocheting across the walls and the ringing in my ears and the pounding of Kakashi's heart across his chest. 

" _ No _ . Nonononononoooooooo…" I crooned, wagging my finger and shaking my head and wobbling over to him as he froze. Arguably, I'd officially lost it. In my defense: I  _ tried. _ "You  _ do not _ get that no more. No more,  _ no more _ . You  _ will  _ explain to me where you have been and why, and you are going to explain to me  _ right now. _ " 

I stalked up to him, brandishing the knife in an obvious threat that I had every intention of making a  _ motherfucking promise _ , holding it over with intent.

" **START** ."

He gaped at me, stunned.

"I…" He whispered, eye shining as if seeing me in a new light. One might've even made the jump and said it was shining in  _ tears _ . His fingers shook. "I wasn't aware…"

" _ You haven't been around _ ."

He drew back like I had actually hit him, pulling in on himself: curling and curling like a turtle in his shell- full of discomfort and self loathing and shame. I watched as his chakra mourned. My magma caked over and cooled.

_ … goddamnit. _

"Is it that you don't want us?" I questioned harshly, lowering the weapon just slightly. All I wanted to do was be mad, but how the  _ fuck  _ was I supposed to stay homicidal when the grown man stammered over his response in his rush to get it out, chakra twisting wildly like a child hands when telling you about thier favorite toy, eager to ease and to please? Like…  _ how _ ?

"It- it's not that I-"

His lips were actually  _ trembling _ . Are you fucking kidding me? I sighed, lowering the weapon completely. Well... Whatever… Naruto probably wouldn't be happy if I killed him anyways. 

"Were we forced on you?" I asked.

"N-Not forced…" He muttered, eyes to the side and chakra squirming once again.

_ Translation:  _ I groaned silently,  _ I want to run away but can't _ .

Figures.

Tossing the kunai into the corner, I mentally roll called the possible hazards of my team, trying to figure out what big bad would be big enough to scare a one-man army into running away. I was the Pandora's Box of the team- who knew what oodles of fun I had locked away?- but I was also  _ new _ . Nothing he could be pre-scared for. Sasuke seemed to have the mad-eye-red-eye gene pool at his disposal, but so did Kakashi-  _ apparently _ . I inevitably ended up at the last box.

"Is it the fox? Does it scare you?"

His chakra froze. Shuttering. Surging.

_ Translation: It scares me a whole fucking bunch, but that's not why I'm running away from you _ .

Cool beans.

"How do you know about that?" He asked severely.

I all but snorted.

"God's middle finger lets me see chakra." I hummed, running a hand through my hair. "He's got a practical  _ vortex  _ of chakra and hate swirling around in his belly and his birthday  _ does  _ line up."

Kakashi flashed me the WTAF face. I decided to be merciful.

"And the first district can't whisper for shit." I allowed, anger simmering down to nothing but fatigue and a vague sense of being fucked over by god.

Kakashi sighed with a similar expression, rolling his eyes at the ceiling in a dramatic fashion I could  _ totally  _ relate to. "Of course not. Does Sasuke know?"

"It's not my place to tell."

I watched him silently, waiting for him to continue. He didn't. 

"And it's not the fox that scares you." I prodded.

He stayed stubbornly mute while his sky-blob bent over in guilt.

"But you  _ are  _ scared."

I sighed as he avoided me, staring at the wall.

_ I'm… going to have to be the mature one here, aren't I?  _ I guessed tiredly. His chakra shuttered uneasily, inching around in words Kakashi either had too much pride to say or not enough therapy points to force out.

Artemis, I was so tired of being mature. 

I plopped down on the floor with a graceless thud, not even trying to smother the fall. Soreness vibrated through my ass as I rested my head in my hands, eyes sneaking a yeaning gaze to the abondoned murder method.

Artemis, I was so tired.

I sent a prayer to my palms, longing for my goddess to hear me.

_ Please Mighty Huntress, goddess of the moon... If I die again, please make me a sociopath. This empathy shit can't be worth this fuckery. _

"I've never heard you talk about family." I hummed, moving to rub small circles in my temples. The fucker kept his eye on the ceiling.

"Technically, I've never talked to you about anything." He threw out lazily.

_ And wasn't that the goddamned truth. _

"Ah… yeah… hard to do that when you always run away. Is it because of me? Is that why?"

Kakashi made an offended noise. "You don't scare me."

I eyed his terrified chakra.  _ Yeah… sure I don't. _

"But something does." I said to my fingers, pressing where my cheeks met my jaw. "I can see it." His chakra squirmed. "And you're not going to tell me what it is or why you keep running away… are you? Even if I gut you."

He hummed softly.

"Most likely."

Turning my eyes to the ceiling as well, I could only stare at the old wood that made out its frame. It was withered and worn, dark and scuffy, but it was also thick and strong- made for what it was used for. The panels that lined it were just as big, just as withered and worn and as dark and scuffy, but they weren't thick and they weren't as strong. If Tazuna ever switched them out, his home would be liable to cave in.

And what other reason would he have to do that, then that he had no other choice?

How long would it last?

I started talking to the open air between us, feeling much like a panel forced to hold the weight of a frame.

"I don't think I'm worth much sometimes." I said, tracing the wood's ridges with my eyes. The older limbs had almost nothing to see, but the newer ones- most notably the ones docked in the upper right corner where I think a storm had once blown them in- still had remenets of natural chakra hanging over them: a rusted fog of teal, green, and frost. 

"And sometimes I don't think my head is on right. I stand taller than I am, I take on more than I should, and I bullshit the universe more often than is advisable. I do that because I feel like if I ever stop moving, if I ever stopped standing up to things I shouldn't or held up others when I can't even keep myself up, then I'd forget how… and then I wouldn't be able to when I really needed to. I try not to worry about the details, but… my greatest fear is that one day I won't be able to stand up anymore. That maybe one day my head will be screwed on so loose that I'll be walking around without realizing it fell off."

The dark wood of the ceiling stared back at me. Maybe I'll be pretending to be a frame so long that I'll forget that I'm not and all I'll be able to do when my house caves in is mourn.

"Why are you telling me this?" Kakashi murmured quietly. I turned the question over in my mind, along with what I just said, trying to find the point my brain was zig-zagging to get to.

I'm just a panel.

I'm not a frame.

"Because right now… I'm holding too much. I know that. But… I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to let go."

I reached over and picked up a bit of hair, twirling it between my fingers.

My team needed a home.

Even if it was unstable.

"I will," I took a deep breath, facing reality in the only way I knew how: headfirst, logistically, and with no cushion, "probably run myself into the grave trying to help them if I don't get any help. And I'd rather… die than not help them at all. I don't know why you're avoiding us, I don't know why you're scared…" I took another breath, letting go of what  _ I  _ wanted and faced what was reasonable "And you're not going to share… and I don't have a way to force you. It's just... how it is."

I sighed, as if trying to convince myself that the  _ what if _ 's that followed that didn't exist. Naruto would most definitely not be happy if I tried to torture answers out of a unwell might-as-well-be child.

So. No answers for me.

"But I can't keep going like this." I continued, eyeing the tossed metal and meeting his eyes, trying desperately to convey how serious I was about this. "I  _ can't _ . So whatever reason you have for running away, I need you to decide if you can be bigger than your fear…" I trailed off, pushing myself up and getting shakily to my feet. He watched me carefully as I stood over him, warmth and cool water brushing against the edge of my senses. "Or if you're holding too much. You have three days."

He stayed quiet, gnawing at the bottom of his lip and making some kind of mental judgement, before asking softly "And if I don't?"

A clattering came from outside the house, Inari and Naruto's voices vibrating around in an argument that I swear I heard was about ramen. Tsunami's laugh followed, light and cheerful.

"Then I can't trust you, and it'll be up to me to keep me and my team safe… whatever the cost. We'll abandon the mission, and we'll go home."

Kakashi started.

"You can't abandon the mission." He said. "The bridgebuilder will die."

The front door opened as my cornered beast hissed.

I raised my eyebrow. "Why would he die? You'll be mobile in three days, won't you?"

All of Kakashi stilled- his face, his body, his chakra.

I smirked ferally from behind his mask.

"Let me know _sensei._"

  
  
  
  



	22. Chapter 22

Alright, I'll throw this out here right now: seeing as they were _ dead_, it was a dick move.

I mean, it's not like there was ever a _ right _way to deal with grief or the loss of a loved one. Personal reactions were recorded to be wide and varied, and I was thankfully inexperienced in the subject. Except for the wonderful, epic failure of me, myself, and I, all my family Before was still arguably alive. 

Grief interactions were more simple when you were being told of someone else's loss- usually requiring some sort of awkward empathy and a serious I'm-sorry-for-your-loss expression, but of course, as I'm sure I've said on _ multiple _ occasions: I hate dealing with people and comfort really wasn't my thing.

That being said, social convention certainly says that there's a _ wrong _way to deal with death and, ah, well…

Y'all know exactly where this is going, don't you? 

So, yeah. Was I supposed to be laughing?

No. Not in the slightest. It was a total dick move.

Was that stopping me any?

_ Absolutely not_.

"Sakura." Sasuke warned lowley, eyes closed in the _ proper _ empathetic reaction to the long list of dead people Kakashi apparently had. His hands clenched at the base of his knees as his body sat in rigid, _ respectful _seiza position, and I daresay I saw actual aggravation color his tone.

Snorting through the hand pressed firmly and harshly against my mouth, I nodded rapidly- trying my damndest to swallow down the laughter that just _ would not stop_. Tears dripped over my fingers as I struggled to breathe and smother down my _ totally inappropriate _snickers at the same time. My face heated and flushed with the effort.

And holy _ hell _was I failing miserably.

Laughing was a dick move. It really was. I shouldn't have been doing it and Kakashi's wraiths deserved more respect than what I was giving them. They were people once, just like me, and even a cowering asshole like Kakashi didn't deserve to be laughed at for having them ripped away from him.

But.

You know, um...

That being said.

It was _ ABANDONMENT ISSUES! _

Can you fucking believe it? _ Abandonment issues! _ The man left me, left _ us_\- not because he was afraid of the fox or the responsibility or my crazy bitch ass- but because he was scared to get _ attached_. Specifically- _ specifically _ he was scared to get attached because we _ might die_\- just like his dad, his friends, and sensei and whoever _ else _ kicked the bucket before he entered his whole 'hands-off I-don't-care coping phase' that I honestly wasn't listening to.

And dude, my personal vendetta against the man aside, _ I got that_. Avoiding intimate relationships after losing someone special wasn't exactly _ rare_\- hell, it was practically prescribed! There were literal _ libraries _on the subject.

But when you took the whole notion into context: us on a mission being stalked and hunted by a big ass sword guy that was apparently _ still alive _ (because _ of course _ the monster that haunted my dreams was still _ alive_, why ever would he be conveniently dead- unable to hurt me or my boys?) with only the skills and knowledge of an unhinged, sorta-twelve-sorta-twenty-two little girl to help us. If you took the proverbial reaper just _ leering _ over our shoulders and the little, simple fact that we were so far out of our league we might've as well been hung up to slaughter- and _ then _ you added in the fact that Kakashi's whole goal was to keep us _ safe _ because apparently he was _ bad luck and a danger to those around him _ (he said this with confidence like he wasn't even dimly aware that Team 7 was THE bad-luck danger-danger extraordinaire- like, dude. You were practically _ hand made _ for our fuckery!) then FUCK ME if this wasn't _ the funniest shit I'd ever heard_. 

"_Sakura._" Sasuke hissed through his teeth.

I pitched forward, damn near knocking Naruto over in my attempt to shove my laughter back inside- scrambling into a lopsided, incredibly amused, shivering ball of person. I could feel the disapproving gaze of Bubblegum's ancestors as I high jacked her body to commit blasphemy.

Oh, the irony.

Oh, the sweet tasting, contradictory, _ funny as all fuck IRONY_.

So what if I went to hell for it. This needed to be laughed at.

"I'm trying!" I wheezed out, covering my face with my hands and biting my lip until I tasted blood. Even the wooden floor looked mildly disapproving as I coughed out half formed gawfs- trying and failing to ebb away my dickery. The poor man just laid his heart out in front of us, confessed his greatest fear and shared what I suspected to be his greatest regret, and here I was laughing like a dick. The sharp taste pricked at the back of my throat and did absolutely nothing to stop the mirth shaking my body. 

_ Sakura Raven Haruno, _ I thought, _ you are a dick. _

Inner sighed.

**You come by it honest enough.**

"I- _ ha_\- _ ah_, I swear I'm- _ mmh_\- I'm trying! It's just-!"

Hysterical giggles bubbled up and out of me, coming faster and harder the more I tried to cage them in. My chest ached wonderfully. I could only imagine how long it had been since I laughed so hard. 

Oh, _ Artemis _we were so fucked up.

"He- _ha_\- _aha_-," I rocked back and forth, my forehead gently thumping against Tazuna's floor with each motion. I really should _not _have been laughing! "It's like putting out a fire with _kerosene-_! _HA, _w-we, _ah- _just- _pfft_ _mmmhm- _we should start a-a fucking _psych ward- fwa, ah- _like, raise yo-your hand if you- _ha_\- you don't got a _daddy-!_"

Efforts were abandoned.

I could go no further.

The bridge builder's home was plagued by high-pitched shrieking laughter, vibrating through every corner of the space and every inch of my body. In the corner of the space, right where the living room met the kitchen, a very tired looking Tsunami held her hands over Inari's ears- already one with the program.

"Sakura, sweetie," she sighed, tone smoothed over as one who had said these three words more than she'd care to admit. Underneath her hands, Inari squirmed. "Your child filter?"

I nodded into my squeezed knees, showing I heard. Right. The child. Bad Sakura.

Somewhere in my head space, Inner sighed again, this time in resignation. **There's no saving you now, ** Inner guessed, words smoothed over in a similar fashion. **Is there?**

I choked on a snort.

_ Bold of you to assume I could be saved. _

Warmth sparked and a tingling sensation traveled down my spine as Naruto's fingers found the space in between my shoulder blades, ever the physical affectionist. The more time I spent with his chakra the more active I found it: how it always crept to the very edges of his skin anytime it got near another, always actively vying for a visceral connection and begging to be touched. In the same way I was becoming more familiar with Kakashi's too- how it swept and swayed at the smallest of stimuli, speaking longer and louder than the man probably ever did in his life. I could feel it even now, shuttering and fluttering as he tried to decide on how he should be taking this.

Naruto caught on to it too- although probably because he had the pure, essential empathy of a goddamned saint.

"Don't worry about Sakura-chan too much, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto assured fondly, tracing the back seam of my shirt. His chakra snuggled against my own, just as fond.

Although, technically it wasn't my shirt… it was his. I picked it up somewhere between shift 5 and 9, unable to find my own and just not caring enough to ask for assistance. I had a sneaking suspicion if it were anyone else but me Naruto might've raised a fuss, but with my inability to keep track of what I was wearing and my boy's insistence that I be covered at all times, we didn't really keep track anymore and they never fought my thieving tendencies. Hell, for all I knew, I could've been wearing Sasuke's pants. 

"She's just like this." He continued.

At that Kakashi's eyebrow drew inward, lips furrowing into a line of thought I had no trouble predicting, even from my position. From his own position, Sasuke decided to call me out and share.

"I'd call it worrying…" Sasuke muttered, eyes averted to the wall.

I uncurled myself, pushing gently against Naruto and whipping at my eyes- still giggling in spartom. Very carefully, slowly, and deliberately, I flicked him off. "Fu- _ah- _fuck you, pyro." I gasped out, fanning at my face with my free hand. "Call me when you get- _ah- _out of your-_ mmm- _self imposed social isolation."

The man on the bed shifted in discomfort, either still getting used to our family dynamics or recalling a _ very _distinctive moment when my little genius child threw a fireball at him. I wondered if perhaps he was forming a healthy dose of fear when it came to us. It could only do him good.

"Pyro…?" He asked nervously.

Naruto beamed beside me, entirely clueless to Kakashi's discomfort and more than happy to share.

"It's what Sakura-chan calls him," He offered our increasingly concerned now-sensei helpfully, sporting an adorable, dopey grin. "I'm sunshine and I get to call her when I stop 'emotionally masking', whatever that is." 

Kakashi's eye darted in between Sunshine and myself, looking more and more like a man who was starting to understand what they were in for. And yes, I took _ immense _vindictive pleasure in it. 

"Does this mean you're gonna start teaching us stuff?" Naruto asked hopefully.

Kakashi hummed, body stiff and chakra shivering. "It's… probably for the best."

I heaved out a few more harsh breaths, forcefully rubbing my face with the palms of my hands as I felt myself finally calm down. Pressure built in my chest and bubbled. I pushed it down. 

"Ya?" I asked, tapping at my cheeks lightly to ease the soreness building up there. "Even if- _gah_\- you- you're not cu-cut out for it?" 

My pitch rose at the end, choking on the need to laugh again. Because that's how he started his little _ I fucked up, I'm sorry, I'll stop being a coward _speech: 'I'm not cut out to teach'.

That's also when I started laughing.

"Ah… I… I'm sorry about that…" he murmured, looking away in guilt.

Sasuke grunted, rearranging himself in his seat. A ripple went through his river. Sadly, his chakra wasn't as talkative as Kakashi's or as active as Naruto's. So far the only thing it clued me in on was when Sasuke was agitated. "Do you actually plan to stick around?"

Kakashi shrunk, pursing his lips. "I do." He said, averting his eyes.

It wasn't the most confident of declarations, but his sky blob remained true and steady- so I could only assume he meant it.

That's not to say there weren't already plans in place if he didn't.

But they didn't need to know about that.

Blankets shuffled and shrugged as Kakashi readjusted himself- undoubtedly searching for a way to keep us talking as a comfortable silence came over us. Well… comfortable for me and Sasuke anyways. Naruto intrinsically wasn't a fan of anything that could remotely be considered 'still' and I think I made Tsunami nervous anytime I kept quiet. Even now she kept her hands over Inari's ears, not trusting me in the slightest.

Kakashi hummed.

"I guess we should start on a plan to deal with Zabuza…" he offered slowly, probably thinking that was a good place to start.

Naruto perked up instantly, happy that the talking had come back and eager to brag. "Oh! Oh!" He said with a raised, waving hand. "We already have some of those!"

Kakashi's chakra bowed in confusion, his eyebrow raised. "You do?" He asked, turning to me for obvious reasons.

I nodded, hand through my hair and finally serious again. "Yeah," I admitted sheepishly. "Had several going since I woke up."

I offered the information as an explanation, but it only served to confuse him further. His lips twisted in a frown as his head drew back. "Didn't... you think he was dead?" He hedged.

I could only laugh at how careful his tone was, like he was trying to avoid setting off a landmine. Inner found it amusing as well.

**I give it a week. ** She bet, throwing out a mental stack of bills out of absolutely nowhere. I immediately threw on two more, and then a third because _ that _actually offended me.

_ Bitch. _ I grumbled, mentally showing her where to metaphorically shove it. Honestly, was this the kind of faith she had in me? _ I'll have him one with the program in a fucking DAY. _

An ache echoed through my chest and cheeks as I leaned back on my ass and braced myself against my arms. "Yep!" I chirped with an impish grin. "But I didn't trust it one bit."

Naruto nodded along in agreement.

Sasuke sighed in unfortunate understanding.

Kakashi only stared- adopting the expression he seemed to be sporting anytime it came to me: I called it the Melon expression. 

You see, Before both my dad and my older brother were dyslexic. They mixed up words and numbers unwillingly, and in general it was a pain in the ass because everyone else in the stupidly big world read normally. But when they got _ together_, when it was just them and words and whatever they were trying to do- holy hell did they vibe off of each other and leave us in the dust. I had so many fond memories of me and Momma running in circles around each other, scrambling to decipher just what the fuck they were reading and trying to figure out how the ever loving fuck does one go about making lemonade out of _ melons _that Kakashi's face could only remind me of that time- like I was living off of something he kinda knew but wasn't sure if he read it correctly.

"God hates me, you know." I added on cheerily, propping my hand up on my cheek and preening over how the man's chakra wobbled.

He was confused.

Understandable, all things considered.

A long, loud snore came from the table before we could lapse into silence again. Tazuna had been slumped over the table- bottle in hands and three inches shy of dead to the world- since the moment he got home. It had become a routine of sorts: one he'd been following closely ever since Zabuza stopped by to introduce himself.

_ Looming reapers must be stressful. _I mused, eyes flickering to him in pity.

Inner scoffed, her non-arms crossed and non-hip cocked. **Is that some self awareness, I hear? **

_ Isn't that your job? _

From the bed, Kakashi blinked up at me. Slowly. Dumbly.

Predictably, it was Sasuke who understood first what the problem was.

"You'll get used to her." Sasuke offered stoically, propping his own head on his hand. Even though it was the same motion I was doing, he somehow made it look more smooth and purposeful. I stuck my tongue out at him, the appendage pushing against the mask that I totally still had on.

Kakashi gave me a once over, painting a mental picture of me and my insanity. He sweatdropped. "Will I?" He asked no one in particular.

Sasuke didn't even have the decency to hide his rueful smile as he sighed in amusement- running a hand through his hair and rolling his eyes towards the ceiling.

"Well, it's not like you have a choice _ otherwise_." He muttered shrewdly.

I was thankful Kakashi's mask covered my pout. That little brat. Did he have to say it like that?

Naruto agreed readily- completely ignorant to my inner grumbling- nodding along seriously. "Yeah!" He declared with the finality one might use to deem someone dead, "Sakura-chan's like a bull!"

Wait, what?

My pout turned into a frown. "Wait, bull?" I asked, sitting up and pulling at my shirt, "Why a _ bull_?"

Naruto beamed at me, all sunshine, roses, and twelve year old confidence.

"Because you're stubborn and you smash things!" He answered with a smile.

"Wha..? I'm not-" 

My mouth froze as I started to object. An image of a bull rose up in my mind- strong, single-minded, undeterred, and arguably destructive and sort of scary. I thought it over.

Objectively speaking, I... suppose I _ could _resemble a bull at times… I was sure was stubborn enough, but what did that have to do with Kakashi?

"What does that have to do with this?" I revised, huffing against the mask. Naruto beamed at me, like I just passed a milestone towards self-acceptance.

"Because you smash things Sakura-chan!" Naruto chirped back.

Collectively, the entire household shivered, no doubt remembering a different she hulk moment. I scowled. 

"That doesn't _ answer _ anything." I mumbled, twisting a lock of hair in my hands. The sunshiny stupid little saint had the balls to gape at me as if I told him I had no idea what two plus two was.

"Of course it does!" He insisted innocently.

Annoyance expanded in my chest.

"_Sunshine-_"

From the other half of Kakashi's bedside, Sasuke muttered something into his palm- something that sounded suspiciously like 'adjust or perish'. My eyebrow twitched as I zeroed in on him. 

"What. Was. That?" I asked him (**not**) calmly.

His face was a porcelain mask for its blankness. "He'll learn to love it." He parroted flatly. 

The man in question shuttered in silent opposition, his chakra cowering.

My eye twitched. Why did they have to make me sound like a homicidal maniac that kidnapped them? They joined the family of their own free will!

On the other side Naruto bobbed up and down, a light bulb over his head and hand waving in excitement. "Oh! Oh!" He cheered, practically vibrating with excitement. "Does that mean we're adopting sensei? Are we? Are we Sakura-chan?"

I bristled, the twirling of my hair turning into a sharp tug. "Eh?!"

Naruto twinkled at me hopefully, proving I hadn't misheard. Nausea rippled through me. Adopt the ghost? The one that left us?

"I'm not adopting shit!"

Naruto pouted. "But it'll be fun!" He argued, ignorant to how Kakashi's sky blob begged to differ, "He can come to our training sessions!"

"He was supposed to be going to those anyways!" I hissed.

Kakashi's chakra moped.

"But Sakura," Sasuke chimed in with a knowing look, "our friends are getting lonely."

A shiver went through me, our training sessions flashing before my eyes. Blown pupils, drawn fangs, and bristled fur haunted my back. 

"Those aren't _ friends_!" I cried, hugging myself protectively and scooting away from the resident sadist, "Those are evil, vicious flea-bitten beasts that you summon to punish me!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, his eyes arguably stone slabs for all of the life they had in them. "What do you mean?" He asked (_NOT) _innocently. "Is there something you should be punished for, Sakura?"

Bubblegum's previous life choices once again slammed me upside the head.

"I apologized for the stalking!"

Kakashi's eye darted between us, becoming more and more and more concerned. "Stalking…?" I thought I heard him echo. Tsunami squeaked.

Sasuke hummed, making a show of scooting away from me slowly with the fakest plaster of unease I'd ever seen _ in my life_. "You _ stalk _ people, Sakura?" He gasped, "How _ crude_."

I didn't register jumping up until my hands were barely three inches from his neck- leaning in, ready to strangle him. "And I don't summon them." He added as my fingers took hold of the front of his shirt.

"_Bullshit_." I hissed, pulling him so we were nose-to-nose.

Naruto hummed merrily, playing with his fingers and totally unconcerned with the family antics. Kind of like that one relative who actually has their life together and still comes to the holiday diner to cook, even though the family's a wreak and someone's probably being arrested in the front yard. Kakashi eyed the door he couldn't walk to in desperation.

"I don't." Sasuke insisted importantly. "I don't know how to summon."

I scoffed.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I huffed. "You didn't know how to lockpick either and that didn't seem to stop you any!"

A week and a half before this not-a-C-rank fuckery, I had to drag both Naruto and Sasuke out of training ground forty something- some giant, evil looking forest with big sounding animals with no doubt so many teeth. The brats apparently made a bet on who could pick the lock the quickest despite Sasuke's ignorance on the subject, and Sasuke- being the _ stupidly talented _ genius that he was- won. And, you know, that was all well and good and all, and it's not like I expected anything less… but why _ there _??? I got six feet away from the gate and something roared at me!

Sasuke blinked, unaffected and unashamed. "That was a door. These are wolves." He said like it explained everything.

"Wolves….?" Kakashi may have whispered in horror. PTSD breathed along my spine. I could swear I saw the flash of the big grey one's eyes- that one liked chasing me the most- glinting in the corner.

"_So I've met._"

Sasuke looked away bored, inspecting his nails. "I don't summon them." He insisted. 

I had to hand it to him, he only slightly started when I started shaking him by his collar. 

"THEN WHERE DO YOU GET THEM!"

From the bed, Kakashi raised a weary and trembling finger. "Ah… aren't we getting off track here…?" Tsunami nodded her head in the corner, eyeing my fingers twisted in Kakashi's shirt in worry.

Naruto laughed, throwing his hands behind his head in a relaxed stretch. "Silly sensei! We don't _ have _ one of those."

If you've ever seen anyone be rudely and cruelly informed of a fear they didn't know they had- like someone with a height phobia figuring that out while looking down the railing of a skyscraper: that was Kakashi. 

"But really!" Naruto scrambled quickly, saint instincts pointing to assure Kakashi but misunderstanding his source for concern. "It works for us, and the wolves aren't as bad as Sakura-chan makes them out to be."

"You can only say that because they like you!" I seethed.

Kakashi looked away, understandably weary and unconvinced.

Naruto continued on, determined to make him feel better. "And it's not like you have to do anything, so you really don't have to worry, sensei." Naruto assured _ oh so _kindly. "Sakura-chan's really good at taking people as they are."

I flinched, jostling the trapt Sasuke with the action. "Did I _ not just say _I wasn't adopting him?"

From my mind, Inner snickered, still pissed off about the hair. **Ask him what he has in his pantry,** she jibbed, **It'll save you some time.**

Sasuke sighed longley and forlornly, dangling from my fist like a mermaid tied to a mantle of a ship. "Welcome to the psych ward, I guess…" He muttered, river rippling.

A tick formed on my forehead.

"_Oi! _Boys! Listen to me when I talk!"

  
  
  
  
  


"Sakura…" Kakashi sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "It's just a talk…"

I waved my arms to the space between us in open invitation. "I'm not stopping you. Go ahead."

"You're... twenty feet away…?"

I smiled sweetly.

"It's a reasonable distance, sensei, seeing as you waited until you were mobile and able to access your chakra before having this talk."

His sky blob shuttered in guilt.

Offhandedly, I wondered if reapers could be ghosts.

"So. ¿Qué paso, mi amor? Problem?"

  
  



	23. Chapter 23

I'd like to say I was surprised the world was such a dick to me, but we all know that's a lie.

So, on this week's Fun Fact of the Day (starring your resident, loveable crazy person): You know how Rome wasn't a thing Here and yet Latin seemed to be surviving just fine? Yeeeeaaahhh…  _ apparently  _ Spain wasn't given the same certiousy. 

Kakashi's chakra broiled and spilled over, tinging the air with something both sharp and cold- like a glass of water pooled over peppermint. His eyes narrowed in suspicion.

I cast my eyes to the sky, sending a brief, exasperated prayer to Lady Artemis.

True to the 'Screw You' doctrine of the universe that we all know and love, Spanish didn't exist Here. 

Wonderful.

"It means 'what's up'." I offered slowly, shuffling my feet and twisting my fingers. "In, uh… in Spanish."

Kakashi stiffened, drawing himself up taller. I have to tell you, he was much less menacing when he was bedridden and afraid. Static slithered over my tongue.

"Spanish?" He echoed hauntingly. It reminded me of one of the few ghost stories I knew: a little girl got trapped in a well and died, and then spent every year after luring others to join her by calling their names softly- begging for help.

"Yeah," I forced around the thick lump coagulating at the back of my throat. "Spanish."

He said nothing; a handful of leaves spiraled between us, twisting and eroding away in the mist. Inner built and braced herself. Escape routes flew through my mind and fell away- much like a man perched at the side of the Brooklyn Bridge, ready to see it all done.

"Tell me about your god." Kakashi ordered suddenly, his tone softer than I predicted it being. It was firm and undeniable, but there was no harshness. No anger.

At his sternum his chakra slumped. Static melted until all I could taste on my tongue was numb.

Fear crawled around in my gut.

That wasn't the order I was expecting.

"Lady Artemis?" I asked wearily, scanning every part of his core for any clues as to where this conversation was going. It was practically caving in on itself, and I hadn't the slightest idea what that meant.

**Does she even allow boy followers? ** Inner muttered, trying her best to ease our rising tension.

I swallowed down the pinpricks flushing up and down my spine.  _ Dunno. Maybe if he hunts? _

"She's the goddess of the moon-" I said as calmly as I could. I had no idea if Kakashi could hear the shake in my tone I could feel, but it wouldn't have mattered anyways. 

I mentally cursed as nerves pried my mouth open and kept my tongue loose. Inner facepalmed.

I was rambling again. 

"- hunter of beasts," I continued, waving my arms and hating myself for every second of it, "hater of men, patron to all lesbians everywhere. Well. I mean. Probably. I decided so. She has these Hunters, right? Hunters of Artemis. All women and no men. So I take it she's more of a girl's girl if you know what I mean… like, all the way around. I mean, that's not to say you can't join the religion but I don't know exactly where you would  _ fit... _ " I gasped as a thought occurred to me, hand covering my mouth. "Aw shit. I'm so sorry, was I assuming your gender? I can address you differently if you want."

A disgruntled grunt and loud splash sounded from farther behind us as Kakashi sighed in despair and ran his hand over his uncovered face.

His mask had… mysteriously disappeared sometime after our come-to-jesus meeting. And no, I had not the slightest idea where it went.

… Really.

<strike> **She set it on fire.** </strike>

"That… won't be necessary." He assured blandly. His eye dragged upwards, hollower than the well he softly called from. "She gave you your eyes?" He asked.

I misinterpreted, blinking at him in an award-winning performance of dumbass energy. "Sensei…" I started slowly. "That's ridiculous. I've always had eyes."

A leaf twirled between us. Inner banged her head on the side of my mental wall.

**Oh my ** ** _god… _ ** **Wannabe!**

Kakashi was merciful, reconnecting the dots for me.

"Not brown ones." He corrected carefully.

I flushed, embarrassed that that just flew over me. Ohhhh....  _ Right _ . Of course he wasn't asking if Lady Artemis gave me eyes… that'd be stupid wouldn't it?  _ All  _ people had eyes.

Inner groaned pitifully, fisting her hair in frustration.  **WANNABE, ** She moaned in dispair at my irremovable stupid,  **HE'S ASKING ABOUT THEM.**

_ Them? _

It took a few seconds. The Big They flashed across my mind.

_ Oh. Them _ .

The implications took a second longer.

_ Oh. OH SHIT. _

My heart leapt into my throat.

Oh. We were… we were finally having this conversation, weren't we? Fuck. Oh fuck. Uh, well… Jesus, what the fuck was I supposed to do? Um. Ok. Alright.  _ Cool. Ah….  _ Ok! New T&I survival plan: I am the Luna Lovegood of this godforsaken therapy-less murder manga, and fuck it all to hell and back- if I die, I die.

"Oh  _ no, _ " I answered seriously, for once letting my thoughts bounce and doing nothing to put them back in order, "No, that was the they-dey and they are only a god to believers. I'm a bird."

Inner slammed against the back of my eyes, very opposed to my plan.

**Of course I'm opposed! ** She shrieked angrily,  **That's NOT A PLAN!**

Kakashi sighed tiredly, running his hand through his hair. The grass at our feet rustled in the wind. Riding its back was Naruto's voice, yelling at a tree for hating him still.

"Do you know why I called you out here, Sakura?" Kakashi asked, his expression collapsing in a way that mirrored his core: drooping jawline, downturned lips, and dead, empty eyes.

_ Resignation _ , I realized.  _ That's what his chakra's doing _ .

I shuffled backwards, tugging at the strands of hair resting near my face and praying desperately to Lady Artemis. "Something Sakura-friendly?" I asked hopefully.

His chakra sank.

Holy fuck, I was gonna die, wasn't I?

"What do you know about kekkei genkai?" He asked softly.

I hummed, shoveling through Bubblegum's vaht of knowledge  _ determined  _ not to start freaking out until it was absolutely necessary. "Ah,  _ other _ than that I shouldn't have one… it's important? Coveted? Feared?"

I twittled my fingers as he stared me down, backing away a few steps more.

"Konoha is all about the bloodlines," I continued, mentally hoping that would work in my favor. He hadn't  _ moved  _ yet… "But there's a lot of grey in between. Hidden in the Mist had a thing about them, right? It was a death sentence?"

Kakashi had a lot of chakra. It wiggled and wrangled to the tips of just about  _ everything _ , and at the words 'death sentence' it shrank to the point it could've fit in my fist.

I made a soft, keening, pained sound before I could swallow it down. It was only by sheer luck that I hadn't started crying.

"Yeah" He sighed. "The blood wars." 

He took a step forward. "No one in your family has one?"

"Ah, no. No, I'm pretty sure they don't. Mamma's a merchant, Daddy follows her around everywhere and no siblings to speak of for any of us really. And it's not like we have a Mary Sue cousin in the basement." He took another. I scrambled back. "I mean, we might, but it's not a cousin and I don't think we have a basement. We have a shed, does that count?"

"Sakura," Kakashi warned heavily, "I need you to be serious for a moment here. I need you to pay attention, ok? It's important."

A shiver went down my spine and I kept my hands in front of me protectively. Just in case.

"Ok," I breathed, "Serious. I can do that."

Kakashi put his hands in front of him as well: flat-palmed and facing me.

(- _ I won't hurt you  _ it said  _ I promise- _ )

"Have you noticed anything odd physically," he asked, keeping his hands where I could see them but creeping too close for comfort, "Other than your change in strength?"

"Odd." I echoed, moving so the space between us stayed the same. "With me, you mean."

He nodded.

I swallowed. "I mean… I can't sleep for shit, but that's normal. It's always been like that. I mean, not  _ always  _ always- I swear I sleep sometimes-"

His eyes narrowed. I trailed off, adjusting twenty feet to twenty-two. "Um. Nothing else…"

"Sakura..." He sighed.

My qwirk presented itself: full, front, and center.

"I mean, my muscles are getting bigger, like extra extra big! And I've lost some weight-" Kakashi's eye widened, alarmed, and I was left scrambling. Rambling and rambling and scrambling. "-but I've had training for that, you know? I mean, not training for  _ that  _ but you know what I mean. You see, Sasuke says he doesn't know how to summon-"

"Sakura."

"-Which is total bullshit because there's no way he can have all those wolves  _ otherwise _ , I mean. I know because I looked it up at the library- a wonderful place to go, by the way, if you haven't been- and while  _ yes  _ there  _ are  _ some wolves that live in surrounding  _ area _ -"

" _ Sakura. _ "

"-But they're contracted. Left over from the last shinobi war by the Hatake Clan- which, I mean, you _already_ _know_, or at least you should. It's your clan- so I _know _it's not them. And then _after _that the most dangerous four legged thing Konoha has _indigenousally _is-"

" _ Sakura! _ " 

Kakashi's voice cut through like an obelisk in a sheet of snow. My hands hung limply from where I was waving them. 

"-Foxes." I finished quickly.

Kakashi held his hands up higher, spreading his fingers and making his gesture of peace more obvious. 

"Sakura?"

"Yeah...?"

"Focus."

I flushed again, putting my arms back in front of me. My heartbeat reached to the tip of my fingers and the very ends of my toes. "Right," I wheezed. "Sorry. Focusing."

Kakashi inched forward further, something I  _ really wish he wouldn't do. _ Spikes of electricity bolted through my legs as twenty-two became twenty. My hands twitched as the leaf he stepped on snapped in half. 

"Anything else?" He pressed. "Muscle pain, weakness, headaches? Any fevers?"

The murder migrane I had at Tsunami's table crossed my mind. 

"Uh, perhaps?" I answered, backing away further and pressing my hand against the nearest tree. The dusty, rustic feeling of the bark went all the way into my lungs- green, teal, and frost drifting from my fingers to my core to my lips. They tingled as I continued. "Although I'm pretty sure that was the they-day being pissed I didn't say thank you. They were really insistent on it but I was more concerned about Big Money Man and his Big sword guy and the floor burning. I mean, I think it was a floor. It could've been. In any case I wasn't exactly going to  _ thank  _ them-"

The tingling spread out- to my throat to my fingers to my toes. It vibrated. Etcha-a-sketched. Smeared. Color smudged and spilled and overlapped and overlayed and I was so sure I could hear someone soothing, someone whispering-

(- _ use us little sister  _ they sang, a siren on the footfalls of rain  _ call on us- we will help you, we are one- _ )

"Sakura!"

I took a deep breath, took my hand off the tree. The feeling faded. The whispers dissolved.

"-which really doesn't matter because I am focusing right now and have had a migraine since then." 

Kakashi was frozen with one hand half out-stretched.

(- _ please let me help  _ it said  _ please please please- _ )

"No, um… no fevers." I smiled awkwardly, curling away from him and ducking underneath a branch.

He followed slowly, hands still raised in faith.

"Have you had any strange visitors?" He asked.

Adrenaline crashed through me. My beast rose with a violent hiss.

(- _ he dares play cat and mouse  _ it seethed  _ he dare assume us to be prey- _ )

"You mean of the pedophiliac variety? Because there's a store clerk a block from my house that's one good reason away from meeting god."

( _ -to dare prey on younglings, how  _ ** _dare _ ** _ he prey on  _ ** _younglings_ ** _ -)  _

"I meant personal visitors."

I found myself hunching further, slinking backward like a cat being stalked. Foliage crackled underneath my feet.

"Like… when?"

Kakashi followed easily- a well trained hunter with a mission to fulfill.

"Anytime between the team selections and now." He answered calmly.

His displayed hands no longer gave me comfort. Every instinct screamed at me to run.

(- _ not without what is ours  _ the beast snarled  _ we will not leave our younglings  _ ** _we will not_ ** -)

"Team selections?" I threw back emptily. "Nothing comes to mind. I mean, I had a very invested tailor come to my door last week but Sasuke says that's because I went to the library with no shirt. Why do you ask?"

Shade covered him. Chill covered me.

We stood at attention. 

Ready. 

Waiting.

"Come here." He said.

My beast refused.

(- _ never  _ it hissed  _ a trick, he uses tricks _ -)

My eyes flickered to the space between us. "Uh, no thank you."

"Sakura-" 

Kakashi tried to move closer. We struck- fist crunching into the tree we had abandoned-

(- _ the one that called us sister, the one that offered themselves to aid us, the one that called us one- _ )

-watching coldly as it fell at our feet: a safe barrier between us and our hunter.

In a brief moment of disassociation, I noted the plural. Collectively, we decided it was irrelevant.

"If you want us to go anywhere near you," we warned, "you're gonna have to explain first, pretty boy."

The hunter fell back, fear tinging the taste of the air. We readied ourselves as he bowed- hands up, nearing the ground in submission.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He said softly. Slowly.

We tasted no lie but held our suspicion. Fight or flight eased. 

"We don't believe you." We say honestly, pulling up from our crouch. The hunter stays vulnerable- now on his knees, low to the floor and easy to attack.

"It's a routine check up Sakura." He placated softly. The name tears at us, prying me away from my beast and soothing the thundering storm galloping through my veins. My vision splinters: prey and boys and Kakashi and younglings. From very, very far away I could hear Inner swearing to get us an appointment with a Yamanaka when we get home- even if she has to do some 'voodoo, symbiotic shit' to get there. 

Kakashi eased up from his kneeling position, hands still raised.

_ He's treating me like a rabid animal,  _ I thought, annoyed. 

"I'm just going to check your chakra." He continued, nearing the tree we(...?) struck down. (This was just ridiculous. I was dealing with  _ far _ too much to be going through something as stupid as an identity crisis. Like, what the actual shit?)

The words registered rather quickly. As did my response.

"My  _ chakra _ ?" I echoed, both alarmed and afraid. My arms instantly wrapped around my middle, hiding it away from the delusional man in front of me as I backed away. "Um, no offense to the newly reformed, Mr. Ghostie… but you can't even wrap up a pair of bloody hands! Why  _ in the everloving fuck  _ would I allow you near my chakra?!" 

Kakashi followed urgently, hopping my (our?) barrier with little to no effort and only pausing when he caught sight of my hand placed on another one. 

"And also," I added, prepared to take down as many trees as was needed to keep him away from me and shamelessly switching from defense to offense, "I do believe I required an  _ explanation  _ not a pleasant reassurance."

He inched nearer to me, his chakra vibrating in fear. "Sakura, please. You're not  _ well _ -"

"I'm well enough for consent!" I attacked mercilessly, curling my hands into a fist. "Being a teacher doesn't give you the right to refuse that! So either give me an explanation as to  _ why  _ you want to check my chakra or I reserve the right to break anything I can reach."

He held his hands up, like that  _ meant  _ anything.

"I'm trying to help you!" He cried.

My hands went up in a position capable of much more violence, fists ready and fully prepared to protect myself.

" _ Then explain _ ."

Various splashes rang between us followed by Naruto's bright laughter. In the distance, I could hear Sasuke curse.

Kakashi was the first to fold.

"I... don't want to alarm you until I know for sure." He murmured, lowering his hands and taking a step back. His chakra quivered in a pattern I was becoming all too familiar with: fear, guilt, and shame.

Another familiar friend bubbled up as I lowered my hands as well- trying desperately to convince myself that I did  _ not  _ need to murder my teacher and to give the man a break since he was trying. "That's a nice sentiment," I grumbled, taking a step back and tugging at Sasuke's shirt, "But your chakra seems to be plenty damn sure already. Stop with the theatrics."

Kakashi slumped. "Sakura…" He began, no doubt beginning some sort of 'I am a Teacher' speech that would inevitably end up in pity-party territory.

I wasn't having it.

"I don't do this whole 'protect the princess of the group' bullshit Hatake." I said, crossing my arms and cocking my hip. "I don't have time for that. Ditch your unappreciated cilvery and lay it on me: what's wrong and how bad is it?"

The man looked to the side, his sky blob drowning in self-loathing. "It's… not good."

A tick formed on my forehead. I swallowed down my first response and rearranged it into something more friendly. 

Something told me this relationship of ours was going to need a hell of a lot of work.

" _ Yeah, so I've gathered _ ." I said, gesturing at myself in florish. Never let it be said I wasn't self aware. "Now: give it up. Since you sent the boys away it's either nothing too concerning or something that would freak them out. Given that you wanna play doctor, I'm banking on the latter. So?"

I waved him on in encouragement. The man shrunk.

_ I'm getting the sense that adults are just a myth here... _

"Are you sure?" He asked quietly.

I sighed in aggravation. "I'm a big, smart girl, ghostie- I've killed a man and everything. I know it's not good.  _ Go on _ ."

He hesitated, rubbing at the back of his neck. I felt like I had waited enough.

" _ Hatake, I swear to Artemis-" _

"Ok!" He sighed, hands up in surrender. "Ok. I'll tell you."

He looked at me and I motioned for him to _get the fuck on with it_ _or so help me-_

"Your chakra…" He began, his own slumping further and further with each word, "is erratic. It has been since the day of team selections, and we didn't know why. We had you under surveillance for the first few weeks in case you were a spy-"

" _ Did you now." _

"But the Hyuuga assigned to you assured us you were still Sakura."

I somehow managed to school my expression. Inner gaped openly, her non-jaw hitting the non-floor.

**What. The. ** ** _Shit_ ** **. ** She whispered in disbelief,  **They ** ** _noticed_ ** **? They noticed and you still passed?**

I nodded, determined to pay attention. "Ok."

"We launched an investigation: talked to your family- or at least tried to- to see if there were any deaths in the family or any traumatizing events…" His sentence drawled off slightly, and predictably I could already feel my auditory processing crashing. I cut in, trying to move us along.

"I sense that this explanation could go faster, sensei," I mentioned bluntly. "You're finally putting faith in me, which is cool, but that faith is really misplaced if you think I can pay attention like this. Can I get the short version? ¿Por favor?"

He nodded, bracing himself in a visible preparation of what was to come. I held my breath, prepared for the worst.

The seconds felt like hours.

My heart pounded anywhere it could reach.

My fist tightened as he opened his mouth- ready.

Waiting.

Prepared.

"You've awakened a kekkei genkai." Is what he finally said.

**Oh for the love of-! ** Inner threw an imaginary bowl of popcorn at my mental wall, pulling at her hair.  **If he chased us around a forest just for ** ** _that, _ ** **I'm going to fucking kill him!**

My train of thought ran a similar track as I artfully resisted the urge to smack him.

_ You've got to be kidding me... _

"Uh,  _ yeah _ ." I said, rolling my eyes and praying to Artemis for strength. "We already established this."

Kakashi ran a hand through his hair, frowning in equal frustration. "Sakura," He sighed, throwing his hand out in an uncharacteristic show of emotion, "you don't  _ understand _ -"

I cut in,  _ so  _ not about to be lectured on my apparent ignorance by the man meant to explain it away. "Then  _ teach me  _ sensei. That's why we're out here, right?" 

He sighed again, rubbing at his face and coming back up serious. 

"Kekkei genkai are  _ bloodline traits _ ." He explained, stressing those two words with deadly severity. "They're generally inherited, and always unique, but they're meant to emerge from an old or strong shinobi line- not a random civilian with no shinobi blood."

My patience with this talk was diminishing rather quickly as I shuffled my feet and glared at the setting sun.

" _ Please  _ tell me we aren't out here for some political xenophobic bullshit, sensei." I begged hotly.

To my surprise, he laughed. "I wish. You'll certainly encounter some when we get back home, but I have a feeling you can take them."

I raised an eyebrow. "So what's the problem, then, if it's not that I'm a civilian?"

He looked at the ground, somber. "It's that you're the first." He said. "I've gone over all the records… anything the village had available. The first one to awaken a new bloodline…"

He trailed off, looking at the setting sun as if it might give him strength. After a moment he finished the thought. "It… doesn't usually end well for them."

"Politically?" I asked.

He shook his head sadly. "Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but I'm talking more in a physical sense. Awakening a kekkei genkai disrupts the flow of chakra. In an inheritor the body adjusts according to the genetic code they were born with, but with the first…"

"It has to figure it out." I finished, catching on to the point of this talk and why he-who-couldn't-wrap wanted to play doctor. A sinking feeling settled in my stomach. "I can only assume there are consequences to disrupted chakra." I guessed.

Kakashi nodded, for once looking every bit the sensei I was: exhausted, worried, and lost.

"Yes, but they're varied. History has listings for everything from blindness to psychosis. We can't predict it. Under different circumstances I'd order you not to use it until we could get back to the village…" 

His eyes met mine: grey clashing against brown.

The realization dawned.

"But mine doesn't turn off." I said, the implications sinking in. " _ Fucking hell _ . And since it's new… we don't have a time line either, do we?"

Kakashi nodded in guilt-  _ so much guilt, it twisted and gutted him and wrung him dry, I could see it, I could taste it, he was  _ ** _drowning in it_ ** \- but offered nothing else by way of explanation. Instead, his mouth opened once, then closed, then settled in determination. "I don't know how you got this bloodline-" He began.

I cut in again, annoyed and slightly detached. "The They-day, I told you."

He waved me off.

"Sure, sure."

My eye twitched.  _ That sounds like a dismissal... _

"But I promise I'll find out. I'll do everything I can to help you Sakura, but I'll need you to keep me updated on your physical state. If you feel sick or anything out of the ordinary, I need you to tell me-  _ immediately _ ." He said it so severely, he had my full, undivided attention.

My attention strayed downward.

(- _ downing, writhing, twisting, breaking, it's my fault, I'm to blame,  _ ** _it's all my fault_ ** -)

My eyes narrowed. 

"You're skipping something." I declared.

I watched his sky freeze. Wobble. Collapse.

"What is it?" I demanded.

Fear permeated his entire being. Blues and whites begged for me to stop. 

"Sakura-"

Somewhere far off I could still hear echoes of what was waiting for me when I tried to sleep tonight.

Blindness?

Psychosis?

" _ Kakashi _ . I do not have time for your weirdly discovered protectiveness. You're freaked the fuck out- I can  _ see  _ it. It's my life, it's my body, and it's my bloodline.  _ What's the problem? _ "

How much worse?

How bad does it get?

His lips shook as he answered, eyes closed in the shame his chakra screamed.

"Those varied side effects… are if you last in the long term. There's also a 40-50% chance that in the first week your body won't be able to take the strain… a- a-and-"

His voice broke.

The dots connect. 

  
  


I blanked, wide-eyed and empty.

  
  
  


The thought refuses to sink in.

I'm left detached.

  
  
  


Empty.

  
  
  


Abandoned.

  
  
  
  


"I die." Someone with a bell-like voice says.

It's monotone.

It's mine.

"You were going to keep that from me." She says brokenly. Tears are building at the base of her eyes and she doesn't want the one in front of her to see them fall. She doesn't think he deserves to be with her in her pain. "You weren't… going to tell me."

This is too much.

For her.

For me.

"It's all my fault." 

The one in front of her swallows. She can see his grief. Can see how he despairs over his inaction. Over his cowardice. 

"I just wanted to make it right." He says.

Her head shakes slowly.

Her chest heaves.

She feels  _ betrayed _ .

"That's…  _ not  _ how you make things right." She chokes out. "Keeping me ignorant, keeping us at an arm's length… you're… you're  _ running away _ ."

The earth at her feet shutters.

Her chakra reaches out beyond her shaking body.

Her brown eyes glow gold.

"I was trying to protect you-"

She's screaming.

Quietly screaming.

Screaming without making a sound.

"No you're not… You're… protecting  _ yourself _ . I told you I didn't want it, Kakashi. I told you I wanted to  _ know." _

Her tears fall with the force of hailstorms.

She can't take any more.

"I don't care if I die." She says to the air in front of her. 

She doesn't look at anything in particular. 

She can't see through her tears. 

_ "It happens _ . People live. People die. Some people kill people because they don't wanna die and other people die because someone wants to live. Other people die for no reason at all."

She faces the man in front of her.

She hates how she understands.

She loathes how she can't properly hate him.

_ "I can forgive that. _ But I gave you my trust when you said you'd teach us. You promised you wouldn't run away.  _ You lied _ ."

She wishes she didn't break for other people.

"Forgive me-"

She wishes her heart was so much smaller.

" _ No _ ."

She inhales shakily.

The forest shutters with her.

"You will have my forgiveness when you  _ man up  _ and face your mistakes. You abandoned us when we needed you. You neglected us. Lied to us. You  _ ran away _ . And you know what Hatake?  _ YOU  _ are going to explain to Sasuke and Naruto I might be gone in a week, not me."

She's loudly sobbing when she turns and runs.

She doesn't hear her family crying her name.

She doesn't stop.

She should.

She shouldn't be alone right now.

I watch her collapse on the ground all alone.

I sigh as night falls.

**Hypocrite.** Inner murmured softly, holding my hand tightly.

I lean into her, head lying on her shoulder as I watch myself break.

_ "No… _ " I whisper. " _ That's only human." _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	24. Chapter 24

You know…. I understood as a general rule that decisions made whilst in the middle of an emotional breakdown and/or dissociative episode weren't exactly going to be _ smart_, but emotional me really needed to get a clue as to regular me's limits.

I mean…. _ really_. 

Just. 

Just _ look _ at this shit.

**Well, ** Inner sighed, rubbing her hands against her non-face in both exhaustion and understandable frustration, **It's official. We've been here before. **

Her voice rang in between my ears like one of those cave echoes we humans were so fond of forming: repetitive, inconsequential, and downright inescapable. 

The palm of my hand stung softly as I stumbled forward- arms out. Touch was the only sense properly cooperating in the green-dripped nightmare I found myself in, and that seemed to come with its own dangers. 

I snorted, bracing my hand against the nearest tree (the same tree I was only slightly sure I hadn't passed already) and blowing a puff of wind in the misty air.

_ Have we? _I muttered back sarcastically, eyes flicking to the darkened dirt at my feet.

Memory had the soil sitting at a dark, rustic brown color- like something you'd see bagged as fertilizer if we were in a better world- but now I couldn't see any of it. If the natural chakra hovering over the trees during the day was dizzying, then the natural chakra hovering over the trees during the night was practically blinding. It was like a fog: hazy colors layered on top of one another obscuring anything and everything in my line of sight.

I could barely see my own two feet.

_ How can you be sure? _

**I've seen that shade of green before. **She grumbled around her fingers, following my line of sight.

I squinted at the shade she was referring to with a scrunched up nose. It was hovering over what I assumed to be the ground given where my feet were, but honestly my spatial awareness was total shit right now. Everything was so fuzzy!

_ That's literally the same green as that green_, I thought back, motioning to the green dusting my fingers from what had better have been a goddamned tree.

She frowned, leaning in to take a closer look.

**No… ** she argued slowly, pulling up a comparison, **that green isn't GREEN green like the other green is. That one's less green.**

My eyes ping-ponged between the two, a pulse building between my temples. Even with my head tilted slightly and eyes crossed, I swear to you it was the same fucking green.

_ Everything _ was the same shade of cursed, kekkei genkai green.

I groaned, shaking the trees around me with the sheer force of it. Bird shuffled and twittered from somewhere high above me, one flying across the hung moon like a shadowed monster circling its prey's campfire. 

The moon was the one thing I could make out properly.

Despite the never ending mist that plagued the land of waves' soil and the torrent of clouds that always hung around in the daytime, this place had the most beautiful skies during the night. 

Dear Artemis, the stars were _ bright_. They were bright and visible to the point that I couldn't count them all if I tried. They were an aurora on top of a galaxy on top of a picture I'd only seen before spread out in paint, and it was the same no matter where I ventured to. Kohona too, had the most beautiful skies. They were ripe with stars and so big and wide- and, unfortunately, the land below them was just as big and just as wide.

My forehead smacked the nearest flat surface. _ Artemis_, I thought, _ we are so lost. _

Inner nodded in reluctant agreement, peering out into the _ never-fucking-ending _ green. **Yes, ** she hummed in defeat, **so very, ** ** _very_ ** ** lost.**

The forest night around us hummed with her: vibrating in a cacophony of content wildlife, loose leaves, and muttered curses (provided by yours truly). It seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once- murmuring around us without any set origin. 

It reminded me of a horror movie in a way… like we were the stars and the score had just begun.

It was doing wonders for my stress levels.

_ Wonders_, I tell you.

**What do you think are the chances you ran in a straight line?**

Stumbling over a root that cuffed at my foot and oh so gracefully stubbing my toe on the nearest hard surface, I yelped something incomprehensible. My foot throbbed from my toenail to my Achilles. 

_ Straight? _ I coughed, hopping around in pain and mentally cursing the forest in all its entirety, _ Nothing I do is straight. _

I was given no response beyond a tired sigh.

I'd been out here for _ hours_. Fucking _ hours_. How many hours, I couldn't say, but it was all spent blankly staring at foresty-colored blotches spelled out in a devine, fuzzed-up 'fuck you' that just _ wouldn't go away_. And no matter how much I scrunched up my face, no matter how tight I squinted, no matter where I turned and what angle I stumbled around in- I couldn't make out anything else. Even Naruto's sun was lost to me, and there were no words to describe how giant that thing was.

_ All I see is green. _I muttered, tapping at the ground with my foot like a blind man's cane and inching forward. 

Artemis, I hoped this was an adjustment period. I hadn't the slightest idea what I was going to do if forest's left me blind when the sun went down.

**What kind of green? ** Inner asked shrewdly. I pretended not to see her wiggle her eyebrows. It'd been a bit of a _ day, _if you know what I mean.

_ It's all the same green woman. _I pointed out hotly.

Inner crossed her arms in defiance. It was just to spite me, I swear.

**Is not. **She argued.

A tick formed on my forehead and _ no, _ there was no cracking of innocent forest life anywhere near me, _ I swear_.

_ Is to. _ I argued back, dusting bits of bark off my palms. (They got there magically, honest!)

**IS NOT.**

_ IS TO. _

**IS NOT!**

I grunted, doubling over in agitation and running my hands across the ground. Half-dead and aged foliage tumbled in between my fingers as the Land of Waves crackled at me, poking at odd points across my palms. I pulled at the first piece of plant life that seemed long enough and waved it around in front of me where Inner could see.

_ How is that a different green?! _ I demanded, flipping and flopping the little strip of green around in the _ equally _green air.

Never one to disappoint, Inner jumped at the chance to, ah… _ educate _me.

She pointed at the green tip of the green grass importantly, drawing out her words like she was talking to a two year old. **That is ** ** _jade_ ** ** green, ** she informed me with flourish, then moving her finger to point to what was probably a tree in front, **and ** ** _that_ ** ** is ** ** _forest_ ** ** green.**

I compared the two to say I cooperated.

I cannot express enough how they were _ the same fucking color_.

I decided to adjust my approach so she could see how moronic she was being.

_ Well, _ ** _yeah. _ ** I drawled out, painting a glorious 'you dumb-ass bitch' with every syllable and twirling around my weed like a rose in the hands of one of those dick-prince types, _ We're IN a forest…? _

Inner bristled instantly, and let me tell you: it was _ everything_.

**That** , she ground out, ** has nothing to do with the green.**

_ Actually… _ I sang out, fully aware of what I was doing, _ I should think it has _ ** _everything_ ** _ to do with the green. Care to educate me on what in the ever-loving-fuck a 'jade green' is? _

She gestured to the grass in my hands in exasperation. **YOU'RE HOLDING IT!**

It was, and I cannot stress this enough, absolutely no different than the green we were referring to before. 

I waved it around, morbidly interested in how I could feel it bend without seeing it happen. I blinked slowly and deliberately, preening at my new game. It felt like I hadn't had one in forever.

_ I will have you know I'm holding a weed. _

Probably.

Whatever response Inner had for me was cut off harshly by an animalistic shriek vibrating through the air around us. I flinched and looked around for the source, eyes flickering up to the canopy above me and below me to the grass hitting the floor. 

All that greeted me was green upon green upon green fuzz. Inner tensed.

**What… was that?**

I shivered.

_ Something green? _I offered with no small amount of spite.

Another shriek answered the first, louder and _ much _closer than Green Fuzz Monster number one. Patches of black flew across my line of sight as birds around us fleed. The canopy shuttered.

**Wannabe.** Inner said shortly, understandably unnerved, ** Get us home. Now.**

I laughed softly, cuffing at the grass of the floor and rubbing at my aching foot with the other hand.

_ Home, _ I thought sarcastically, _ Riiiiiiiigghhht. And I take it you think I'm wandering around this god-forsaken forest for fun? _

Inner was having none of it.

**I don't care, ** she demanded. ** Get us out of here.**

_ We could wait for the green. _ I offered lazily. _ See if it wants to eat us or not. _

Inner scrunched up her nose. **Proposition DENIED.**

I sighed, defeated. _ Yeah… thought not. _

Hands up, I started feeling around the bark and scuffing my feet against the soil like a blind man. The ground was solid, thank Artemis, and damp like everything else in this place- but there didn't seem to be any discernible difference between Step One and Step Two. There was nothing pointing to me being on a hill or around any protruding vegetation, which sucked because shrubs were the "WALKING PATH THIS WAY" sign of the ever-growing Land of Waves. I could see the stars well enough- which was a little cool because they were the same as Before, so I knew where north was- but seeing as I had no idea where north was in relation to Tazuna's house… that was… useless. Any type of 'forward' was equally as useless. All I got was green. I couldn't see Sasuke and Naruto's chakra either (Kakashi was dead in my eyes). Given how beacon-like Naruto's was, either I was too far away to properly see them outside of the green or I had been out for _ awhile_. 

So, yeah. All unfortunate options for me. 

Now… assuming I didn't run _ too _ too far away, I always had the option of ah, _ actively _ getting their attention. I mean, it wouldn't be hard. All I had to do was hit a few trees and make a racket- and holy shit was I down for that on more than one identifiable level- but there were also the _ other _ occupants of the forest to consider. You know, of the non-friendly variety.

**This ** ** _would _ ** **be a good hide-out space, wouldn't it?** Inner mused, glancing up at the trees and how far up they went. The fuzz went up for a while. **Like little tree houses at the very top.**

An image of a chibi Zabuza in a children's tree house came to mind, asking for a password in that 'die, motherfucker, die' voice of his.

It was unnerving.

I deadpanned. _ Also good for surprise attacks from above… _

Right now I was relying on the They-dey being an indiscrimatory asshole and _ only _that. I happened to remember very vividly that Zabuza had a sun-sized core of his own, so with any luck I could see that coming and not have to deal with a sneak attack.

Hopefully.

I mean, not that it would help me much.

**Yeah…** Inner admitted ruefully as I sized up the nearest piller of green fuzz. Direction was shit and sight was damned, so my next option was- sadly- to climb up. Maybe green-hellscapes had a radial limit or something? **That would screw us over pretty good if we were attacked right now, wouldn't it? Do we have any weapons?**

I ran my hands over Sasuke's shirt and my mini shorts, feeling for tools. It would certainly make climbing the fuzz piller easier, which, of course, meant I didn't have any. Patting at the fabric and taking a full inventory, I decided I hated myself.

_ Dude… I don't even have shoes. _

Inner blanched. **What the- ** ** _again_****? What is with you and losing your clothes? You had shoes yesterday! Where did they even ** ** _go_****?**

I shook my head, reaching for the nearest protruding thing hoping to Artemis it was stable. It should've been… all the trees in the Land of Waves were hefty boys.

_ You're asking the wrong me, _I huffed, pulling myself up in a delicate balance of gentle force. It was just enough to get me up, but not enough to crack the branch (hopefully).

Inner scoffed. **If you're telling me to ask emotional you, you can go fuck yourself.**

Fuzz gritted into my palms as I felt my way up. It was an… odd sensation for something so fuzzy looking to feel so rough. Almost as if I went to pet a cat and it came out as a snake.

_ Don't be too angry with her, _ I placated tonelessly, heaving up on another branch. The green was getting brighter the closer I got to the leaves, but it was also hugging closer to the actual tree. A thrill went through me. I might be able to fucking _ see_!

_ She's usually busy. _

Inner huffed, crossing her arms and wordlessly celebrating with me. She didn't like this blind-man shit either. **Should you really be seperating yourself like that? It can't be healthy.**

At that I openly laughed, hiking a leg over a branch. _ Yes, because I am _ ** _totally _ ** _ the poster-girl for mental health. _

Inner grumbled. **Improvement is always an option.**

Tiny twigs scratched against my head as I popped out of the top of the canopy, a shit-eating grin on my face and so ready to face the day. Like how you can make a picture focus by turning the lense, the green fuzz caved in on itself- turning it into recognizable, definable shapes. The taste of victory coursed through me. 

Haha! Operation Escape the Green Hellscape? Success! Sight? Acquired! Direction? WHO KNEW, but _ whatever _I could see! 

I started humming a victory march to myself, proudly bathing in Inner's WTAF expression only I could see. 

_ Aw, _ I weedled happily, _ you don't mean that, do you? If I suddenly got all put together, where would you get your entertainment from? _

Inner started to roll her eyes only to freeze once they passed our lower left. The space she held hollowed out as she laughed- a shiver running up her non-body and down mine. **I-uh… I think the ridiculous situations you somehow get yourself in will be more than enough.**

I blinked, confused at the change in tone.

_ Situation? _

Looking over the buffed-out shrubbery I was nestled in, the first thing that struck me was the treeline. Each treetop jutted up and across into the next one like it was one continuous mass, and the very edge of it reminded me of those water paintings portraying distant mountains. It kept going and going and going all around me…. And then it dipped.

I squinted, leaning in further.

_ What… is that? _

The dip was like… a tooth gap: natural enough to not be a problem but impossible to ignore once you noticed it. It was… like a few trees were missing? Were trees missing? 

I inched as far out as my perch would let me, trying to focus on it as much as possible.

The dip… had… wires. Wires zig-zaging where there should've been trees… and… lights. Like little fairy lights... or fireflies? But bigger. Much bigger. They were lined up, like up and down, and were… moving sideways.

Methodically.

I traced the route they were pacing, lining them up with where the ground should've been. It didn't make any sense…

My eyes went to the zig-zags. 

_ Oooooooh _. The wires were holding up a building, weren't they? 

Like a little treehouse.

....

Oh.

OH SHIT.

My heart jumped into my throat. Stuffing my chakra as far down as it would go and practically _ melding _myself back into my fuzz pillar, I prayed it would have a camouflage effect.

Or that I wasn't noticed.

Or that I was wrong.

_ Ah… treehouses. _ I laughed nervously. _ Good call. _

Inner paced in a panic. **What should we do?**

I peeked over again to the 'fairy light's, trying to pry out a clean line of thought outside from my pounding chest.

None of them were big enough to be Zabuza. They were probably on the back-burner: no-name mercenaries Big Money Man bought off to keep him safe. Zabuza was probably the big-guns, meant for evil-assassin stuff.

The tree house was, I was 97% positive of, Big Money Man's base. Based on the security, Big Money was home. Based on the amount of fairy lights, he bought a lot of help that would be thrown at us later.

Based on the size of the lights, their chakra cores were… laughable, actually. Like… _ tiny. _ I was going to guess that they were civilians and put their faith in strength-in-numbers, but my train of thought veered off slightly:

Tiny. 

Tiny like child. 

Child breakable.

Tree breakable?

I break trees.

**Oh no**. 

My lips twitched, pleased Inner caught on so quickly. She knew me so well!

Inner scrambled up, scraping at the walls in desperation. **No. No no! No no nonono- we are NOT. NO WAY!**

_ It's saving us some time, _ I argued, completely ignoring her and already shimmying down the tree. _ You'll thank me later. _

She gaped, dumbfounded.

**Wha-? What- are- are you insane?! ** She screamed, scratching at my mental walls more insistantly. **No, no- scratch that. Are you- are you SUICIDAL?! Wannabe, WE HAVE NO WEAPONS!**

My feet hit the floor silently.

_ I'll figure it out. _I promised. 

I contemplated ditching Sasuke's shirt before heading out. While it _ was _rather baggy and would probably get in my way, Sasuke would get SO mad if I left it in the forest to rot.

**And if you don't?!**

I decided against it, keeping my boys happiness in mind. His clan symbol was rather special to him, after all.

_ I… die early? _

Inner became hysterical.

**No! NO NO NO! This is NOT how one goes about dealing with a life threatening diagnosis! Your boys would NOT approve!**

I paused, surprised.

_ Really? A half assed plan born out of impulse and borderline suicidal? I would've called that their love-child... _

**IT'S A BAD IDEA!**

I laughed, nodding along.

_ That too. _

Inner rammed herself against my head as I began tiptoeing out.

**GODDAMNIT, THIS IS WHY I TOLD YOU TO GO FUCK YOURSELF! EMOTIONAL YOU DOESN'T LISTEN TO A WORD I SAY!!!**

  
  
  
  



	25. Chapter 25

If you've ever tried to inadvisably peruse the neighborhood while under a dense fog, you know what it's like to have something come at you slowly and obviously- and then have it smack you in the face.

Looking down at my busted knuckles, the pile of alarmingly-easy-to-defeat men at my feet overlapped in a mushed-mollasass montage of barley operational chakra networks, and the very breakable treehouse caging me in on every side that I maybe-mayhaps broke: you could say it hit me like a fire hydrant in the fog.

I was a dumbass, and Inner was right. 

This _ really _could've been thought out more.

I smothered a laugh on reflex.

Holy shit, I needed therapy.

The goonies around me refused to move.

_ So… I, uh… don't suppose you know... which one of these guys was Big Money Man...? _

Understandably, I got no response beyond a pitiful groan.

It was in wonderful harmony with the men who were also groaning- or, should I moaning? Some were whimpering. Like, kicked puppy kind of noises. Some were just silent. 

Does it count that I was gentle with some of them? I mean, depending on where they were during my rampage I was. Like, some of them were still ok. 

Sorta.

Some needed a doctor?

Ok. Fine. I fucked up.

Scanning the mass of chiseled, busted, and bruised faces, I tried to pick up the pieces of my latest impulsive decision. 

They… all kind of looked like the same person to be honest. Like, not the _ same _ same person, but close enough for Lack Of Sleep Me. I could see some had short hair and some had long hair, some were inked up more than the guy next to him (or on top of him, you know, _ whatever_), some were more tasteful than others (RIP to the midget with the tacky round glasses that offered me money and women if I spared him. A+ for inclusion buddy, but F- for basic human decency), and I could tell they had _ some _differences between them, but honestly they all looked the same guy to me. A pumbled-up, utterly defeated, stereotypical gangster. 

And you know, _ hey_. Bad guys in no shape to fight? Awesome. Bad guys _ boss _no shape to send out more? Enough of a blessing to call this horrible mistake an actual plan!

Now if only I knew which one was which. 

(It wasn't as if any of these guys were in any condition to tell me.)

Sighing in regret, I went to work on pillaging the nearest mass of muscle.

Restraint, thy might've eluded me once again but I shall not and will not let your sacrifice go in vain!

Besides, if Zabuza showed up I would very much need actual weapons.

And probably a will.

Inner, who had at some point given up her struggle to make emotional me see sense and lied flat on her back in a dramatic show of powerless despair, grimaced at the thought. **We are ** ** _not _ ** **writing our will here, Wannabe. Who knows where any of this has been.**

As if to prove her point the hand I had sliding down one beef-boy's pocket came back slimier than when it went in. Blinking at the clear liquid coating my middle finger, I decided it was sweat. And no, I was not talking any criticism, thank you very much.

_ It's a will_, I responded back calmly, wiping my hand (semi) clean on the nearest guy's shirt. It was also covered in… stuff, but at the very least it was _ solid _ stuff. Probably dirt or something like that. Probably. _ Does the paper matter that much? We'll be dead anyways. _

The thought was much more serene than I expected it to be, probably due to my most recent workout. 

'Beating the ever-loving shit out of thugs' wasn't on my coping skill list Before, but _ hey_\- you make what you got _ work_, right?

Inner deadpanned. **I just got strong-armed into a probable suicide mission, Wannabe. The very least you could do is write our will on pretty paper.**

I tossed an unwrapped condom I found to the side, pocketing the nine explosive tags from Thug numbers 1-5 in my bra.

_ That's fair. _

Gathering the nearest man's collection of pocket knives from his cargo shorts, I took a peek around the mass of broken wood and flatted furniture.

Thankfully the they-day eye bullshit decided to chill itself out when there were actual people about, so I could semi-sorta see around the neverending green fuzz and the mullish blotches of chakra.

Not so thankfully, the decor was _ ridiculous. _

I own up to breaking most of it in the heat of the moment, but now that I could properly _ see_, I wasn't sorry in the slightest. 

There were _ furs_, guys. Honest to god FURS. Like, bear-rug and tiger-curtain _ FURS_. I could make out the head (_head!) _of one splayed out in the room next to me, and holy bejezzus did it creep me out. The poor thing was just gaping at me like I just cannibalized its child! 

And the _ lamps! _Dude. The broken one on the floor was of a woman's leg! There weren't even fishnet stockings on it!

The whole place was dressed up like some sorry excuse of a 70's-era memorial! There were overtly fancy fabrics dawning every horribly styled furniture in horribly chosen designs, and holy _ shit _ were there far too many fake plants for a place with actual real plants available.

And the floorplan, based on my they-day eye deduction, _ made absolutely no sense. _ There was no main hall- no living room or lounge room or evil meeting room or what have you- just a bunch of hallways zig-zagged together in some maze type _ bullshit_. I amend it was probably meant to serve a purpose- maybe it was good for hiding one's nefarious deeds?- but it wasn't helping _ me _ any. Not in a structural sense.

The wood around me creaked ominously.

Better be quick with the looting.

Looking around further, I also noted the distinct lack of _ helpful _ items around, like a sack or a sheet. You'd think it wouldn't be such a stretch for such a fluorescent place to have a tote bag laying around or maybe a pair of parachute pants I could work with, but _ no_. No bag-like items were to be seen. 

And I, Sakura Fuck-My-Life Haruno, forethought and planning extriodinare, had no pockets.

Inner stared on, completely unsympathetic to my plight. **You don't have any shoes, either. ** She commented to the ceiling. ** In fact, I'm pretty sure that guy behind us is drooling on our foot.**

I paused, distracted by the feeling of slime oozing in between my toes that I had been _ happily ignoring. _

_ That's sweat. _I commented, not bothering to check. 

A metallic taste hung in the air and I wasn't unaware of the handful of men yet to become responsive.

Inner crinkled her nose, purposefully staying silent about my negligence. **I'm pretty sure that's drool.**

We were both toeing a delicate line between ignorance and delusion for the sake of my health. If one were to say there were less lights than before, then I'm afraid we have no idea what you are talking about. 

And the liquid pooling in between my toes and along my calves was most definitely _ sweat_.

_ It's too liquidy to be drool. _ I argued half-heartedly, running my hands over the last _ sleeping _man. Nothing of note to pillage, sadly (unless I was about to pick up a drug habit. As it happened Inner gave me a HARD 'no' on that one without even opening her mouth.)

**It's ICKY. ** She insisted snippily, crossing her arms. **Any chance here we can loot the actual hide-out? I don't like their body liquids on us, ** ** _whatever _ ** **they are. **

Sweat started gathering at my knees. The treehouse groaned once more, prying at the floorboards as it did.

_ Sounds like a plan, _I agreed.

I rose up, careful to keep my eyes above waist level and not step on any of the men as I felt around the side of the walls.

Explosive tags and knives were more than I _ had_, but it would've better to find something a little more substantial. A long sword, perhaps?

The floorboards shifted lazily under my feet and not for the first time I thanked Artemis Sakura was so tiny. She weighed absolutely nothing, and it was _ so _working for me here.

Splintered wood brushed up against my fingers as I worked my way further and further away from the men.

Many of the halls were rendered inoperable by one broken limb or another I didn't particularly remember breaking. Door frames and support beams jutted up, over, and out- layering themselves with the hovering blanket of 'forest green' that I was seriously coming to hate. With the growing lack of active chakra networks in the vicinity distract it, my eyes blurred over again: blotting my vision with patches and strokes of green after green after green.

I cursed as my foot hit something hard.

_ I suppose this is my life now, _ I grumbled, carefully stepping over whatever the fuck just send jolting pain up toe with no small amount of vindication. _ Blinded by _ ** _fucking trees_****. **

Inner slumped, eyeing around us in similar distaste. **We'll figure something out.** She assured tiredly. **We always do.**

I returned my hand to the wall, 'tsking' as a splinter made its way in my index finger. 

**Not everyone is as lucky as us, ** she reminded me carefully, watching me suck the scrap of wood out with my teeth. **Some people can't see at all, and we have a lot of help.**

I spit the tack of wood out with a sigh. 

_ I know, _I thought back, inching slowly around the nearest corner. We were coming up on the very side of the treehouse, and the space between us and outside was less than a few feet thick. If I wanted to, I could've very easily parroted the actual Hulk and smashed through it, but we were also several stories above the ground. 

_ I know we have help. I'm just a little overwhelmed. _

Inner smiled softly as I came to a stop in front of the last available doorway at the end, one that miraculously managed to stay intact.

My eyes swept up and down its surface in fascination.

**Yeah… ** Inner sighed almost sadly. **Yeah, me too. But we have our boys, and our boys need us. So we're going to figure this out, and then we're going to go home. Agreed?**

My fingers ran up and down the framework carefully, tingling at the current vibrating through it.

**Wannabe?**

I pulled at my own core, easing it to my fingertips and prodding at writing engraved in it. Blue met with white and ignited- shocking me painfully with a spurt of lighting.

"_Shit-!_"

Inner scrambled to attention, finally registering the lite script adoring the frame that caught my attention.

**Wannabe! What the-? Don't ** ** _poke at it!_ **

_ But… it's not green. _ I thought distractedly, motioning to the door in question and the odd glowing that just attacked me. My hand burned and hissed in agony as tears gathered in my eyes. A detached portion of my brain congratulated me on electrocuting myself.

So smart.

**It's obviously a seal you dumbass! ** She grumbled, rubbing at her temples in frustration. **Probably meant to keep outsiders out!**

My arm spasmed. My eyes lit up.

_ Treasure? _I asked in interest.

Inner froze.

**NO, Wannabe. ** ** _NO._ **

Yes, Wannabe, _ yes. _

**WANNABE-!!!**

I was already reaching out, hands and arms coated in as much medical chakra as I could muster.

The writing ran up and around the framework in a form of singularity that made me feel like it was in it's own type of language that would take forever-and-a-day to figure out on my own. Decoding it would be impossible, I knew that right off the bat.

But the way it was situated around the handle: wrapped around in a circle of off-white squiggles, interchanging in values of potency around its circumference in a _ very familiar _pattern I was quite well acquainted with said that- weird language be damned- the non-green glow was a lock.

And I could pick a lock… just so long as the stupid thing didn't electrocute me again.

Medical chakra was the most neutral chakra in existence. It was a good bet.

Inner whimpered as I prodded at the door once more, slipping my chakra to the very center of the circle and then easing it outwards fraction by fraction until it met the innermost portion of the writing. Heat slithered up my fingertips to the point of pain, but no lighting came forward. I pushed more chakra to the center, solidifying the shape it morphed into. My arms shook with effort.

**Wh-what's the plan if it doesn't turn? **Inner muttered anxiously as I raised my elbows and flattened my palms.

It was probably cruel to laugh at her, but to be fair: she asked me if I had a _plan_. 

I twisted at the latch quickly and firmly before I could lose my concentration.

Good news was that the door opened. 

Bad news was that I now had first-degree burns half way up to my elbows.

"FUCK!" I yelped, hopping into the room and _ bathing _ my arms in as much medical chakra as I possibly could. _ Everything _ trembled in shock as I stumbled to the middle of the room and face planted on the floor, sobbing out curses as mild relief _ slowly _made its way to my fingertips.

"HOly-_ ah- _MOTHer _FUCKING- _**SH**IT- TH- thaA**T HUR****_TS- _**_hah-_ GoDDAM**N**\- _haa-_ **FUCKING SHIT **foR FUCKS _SAKE SAKURA _**_WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS-?!"_**

I could've gone a lot further, had my eyes not caught what the contents of the room were as I writhed on the floor.

You cannot blame me for laughing.

Inner gawked.

**Is… that… gold? **She asked in between my heaving sobs and loud gawfs. 

The pain was lessening to a manageable level- to the point where I could think and somehow manage to get myself back on my own (albeit, _ shaking uncontrollably_) two feet, but… 

I double checked that I saw what I saw, just in case it was a pain filled delusion or something like that.

No change.

It was, in fact, gold. Piles of it. On a couch. In the middle of a room. Just… sitting there. 

Inner squinted at it, double checking in her own way.

**What the ** ** _shit_****.**

I cradled my injured hands against my stomache, shaking my head.

_ It's… a weird place? _

Inner gaped. **Weird… place? Wannabe, IT'S GOLD! **

I opened my mouth to respond.

Frost bit at my tongue and sent goosebumps up my spine.

Nothing came out.

"Well, well, well…" A familiar, raspy voice crooned from behind me- sounding like every nightmare I'd had for what felt like weeks. Pressure exploded in my chest and my blood turned cold as I turned around slowly, almost robotically.

Zabuza grinned down at me- all teeth that I couldn't actually see. 

Somewhere I registered the _ very _pretty girl at his side. 

Most of me registered his sword.

"If it isn't the little shinobi," he continued creepily, effortlessly herding me against the outer wall. I backed up without thinking, scarily aware of the hands currently screaming at me. "You keep getting more interesting by the minute."

His chakra core was a practical typhoon, all pushed and condensed until it could've fit in a glass jar. The girl's was just as hidden.

My mouth opened and closed, gaping like a fish out of water, struggling for some form of thought.

Some sort of response.

My neurons skipped over each other and fried.

He prowled over me, like a panther with a new toy. 

"You know that room was sealed shut, right?" He taunted. "No one but Gato was supposed to be able to open it."

My eyes darted between him and the money.

"Now… what should we do-"

"TAKE IT, I DON'T WANT IT!" I blurted out, spinning on my heel.

  
  
  
  


Predictably, I didn't remember the whole 'several stories up' tidbit until _ after _I hulk-smashed through the tree trunk. 

Inner screamed at me the whole way.

**GODDAMMIT WANNABE, YOU'RE GETTING ME A WILL!!!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Wannabe.**

Inner's voice came from a place both intimately close and scarily far away. The air around us hung hard, thick, and heavy. Seconds ticked by with the backtrack of a time-bomb. The fingers laced in my lap felt like they belonged to someone else, still discolored and probably aching. 

Like arms of a doll, just glued to the wrong socket.

Maybe the wrong doll.

I couldn't bring myself to look at them.

Next to me Kakashi was draped across the couch cushion: arms extended, legs half-crossed over my own, the pure picture of intimidation.

**Wannabe, ** ** _please_****.**

A mere few feet behind us Tazuna shivered, reasonably on the edge of passing out. The bottle in his hands clattered softly like bones across glass.

Most of its contents were either on the floor or on him.

I wondered if I could get him to share.

The smell was smothering.

Tsunami and Inari, on a testament of said woman's supreme intelligence that I so sorely wish I had, were nowhere to be found. If I knew anything at all, I knew that smart woman was far, far, _ far _away from the universe's newest bullshit.

Probably _ 'noped' _the fuck out of here the moment the bastard knocked on the door.

Both Inner and I desperately wished we were with her, or at the very least had her survival instinct.

Inner keened pathetically. ** _Wannabe, what the hell_****.**

Across from us- across the invisible line that currently divided Tazuna's living room that separated friend from fuckery- Zabuza and the pretty girl I had yet to get the name of sat serenely: a smooth picture of calm and ease, leaned back and relaxed.

The girl was even drinking tea.

I didn't have the slightest idea where she got it.

Taking in Zabuza's mammoth of a sword- which, by the way, was _ totally _more giant and intimidating up close- I carefully revised my opinion of Kakashi. Yes, he was deadbeat trash and still dead in my eyes, and yes: his decisions were not the smartest genin in the squad… but even I had to admit he had some things going for him.

The man apparently couldn't do 'delicate', which was... fair, all things considered. Having his hand forced by one very ticked off Uchiha and one very emotionally charged fox-child trying to destroy Tazuna's house in the wake of bad news was expected and something I really couldn't hold against him. But somehow having that pann out so that both my boys were conveniently unconscious when the monster wanted to talk?

I was convinced. Either Kakashi's timing was inherently bomb-ass or the God/dess of Long Term Planning fucking _ adored _him.

From underneath a spiral of worn and torn bandages, I knew, I _ just knew _Zabuza sent me a smirk. I couldn't prove it, but I was willing to bet my life on it.

I think my soul left my body.

"So, you have no intention of going after Tazuna anymore?" Kakashi asked suspiciously, laid back in an odd mixture of aesthetic ease and killing intent. It reminded me of a viper: coiled and ready to strike.

Zabuza nodded, leaning back languishly. He was similarly sprawled out: arm draped across the back of the couch and leg propped up on the table mere inches away from his death sword, but he didn't strike me as a snake- or even protective. 

He reminded me of a cat: unbothered and untouchable- ready to play with his next toy.

A sneaking suspicion told me I was the toy.

"No need." He hummed merrily, offering a flick of his imaginary tail. "After all, little girlie over here already paid us."

Of course, he points at me as he says it- offering no delusion to which 'girlie' he was referring to. Which of course has Kakashi instantly turning to me for an explination because _ of-fucking-course _ this universal fuckery decided to happen _ before _ I could explain the injuries, sweat, and whereabouts of my person to the technical adult-in-charge. Why _ ever _would I expect anything else?

Inner had started a rough draft of our will in my mind.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't following along.

Kakashi eyed me more intently when words didn't automatically come out. My entire thought process was a half-shaken etch-a-sketch: arguably completed once-upon-a-time, but completely useless now.

"The treehouse in the green..." I started, eyes flickering to Kakashi, Zabuza, the pretty girl and back.

Ping-pong: Russian Roulette style.

Inner prodded me back on track.

"I stopped by to say hello." At the word 'hello' Kakashi became _ very _interested in the state of my knees, and I in turn became very interested in the state of Zabuza's headband. Banged up, battered, and bruised… it was a wonder how it hadn't rusted.

Kakashi turned to Zabuza, probably getting the (accurate) sense I wasn't about to make much sense anytime soon. "Treehouse?" He asked.

Zabuza preened like an apocalyptic peacock. "Our base." He explained, far too happily for my tastes. "Gato had a lot of flair for such an old man." 

Zabuza wasn't the easiest to read. His chakra was largely still, and his tone seemed to be permanently stuck at 'the monster underneath the bed wants to eat you'. With most of his face covered in those worn-out bandages and his forehead lopsidedly veiled between his headband and his hair, I didn't have much expression to work from either besides his eyes. And his eyes by genetics alone didn't cover a lot of ground. 

So you can imagine the _ 'nopenopenope' _ that went through me when his eyes slid over me practically screaming 'VICTORY'. 

"She didn't trip the alarm."

Kakashi looked back at me, screaming 'EXPLAIN' just as loud. I tugged at my hair. 

"Spiderman crawl." I whispered, hating the words as soon as they came out. 

Inner angrily scribbled out something she was writing and put in a foot-note. I swear it was at the 'of able body and sound mind' part.

For the first time since this little chat began, the girl looked up from her tea. "Spiderman?" She asked in interest, her voice lusher than the softest puppy. Her eyes were gentle. The hands cradling her cup could've been made out of silk.

I raised my hands up, mimicking the crawl. "Yeah," I said hurriedly, effectively entranced and painfully oblivious, "you know- spider. But man."

Inner took the entire first page of our will and burned it. 

Zabuza's eyes lit up. 

"Never heard of it." He purred.

Kakashi blocked me off further, pushing me into the corner of the couch. "The treasure?" He prompted harshly.

"Gato's stash," Zabuza explained, ignoring how the girl tensed and looking not in the least bit threatened. "Wrapped up in a personally made _ seal._"

He said it like that was something important. Based on the shocked/afraid/alarmed/what-the-actual-shit-you-pink-haired-lunatic look Kakashi shot me, he might've been right.

"Kakashi…" Zabuza rumbled, lazily picking at the loose strands of his pants, "I am _ very _interested to know how your little genin managed to open it and keep her arms."

Kakashi's eye narrowed, his chakra strung up and ready to strike. Tension overrode the smell of alcohol. There was a 'thud' from where I'm pretty sure Tazuna fainted.

Inner shuttered in dismay. **Wannabe, ** she muttered, rubbing at her temples and smearing non-existent ink all over her hair, **when I said I wanted two handsome men to fight over me one day, this isn't what I had in mind…**

I thickly swallowed down my nerves. 

_ Become a lesbian? _ I offered.

The middle finger she sent in my direction was 100% earned, not even going to lie.

I turned my attention to the brewing storm in front of me.

"Ah, to be fair," I offered casually, holding up my discolored limbs halfway with a rueful smile in an ambitious endeavor to _get these murder people_ _to chill_, "I didn't get to keep my arms as is…"

Zabuza waved me off, easing the air just slightly. "You managed to heal them pretty good," he praised just as casually, "Not many shinobi out there can pull off medical ninjutsu."

His eyes slid over Kakashi, then back at me- like a panther assessing his prey. "Who taught you?" He asked.

"Me?" 

The word came out as more of a question than an actual answer, and there was no thought behind just _ why _I answered in the first place, but I could be forgiven for that… right?

The feeling of being hunted once again bit at my heels.

Zabuza's head tilted in a fashion I was all too familiar with. 

A sinking feeling that dropped from my chest to my stomach to my toes overtook me. 

"I'll tell you what, Hatake." Zabuza said, settling back with the air of someone who had already won and who was _ oh so very pleased_. His attention strayed briefly to the door just behind us: the only thing besides ourselves standing in the way of him, the girl, and my boys. My hackles raised as I caught the threat.

Zabuza's pleased air intensified as the deal was laid out on the table. 

"I have the deeds to Gato's company," he started, pulling out layers and layers of paper from who-knows-where and setting them by his foot, "ready and waiting for a new owner. With Gato out of the way, your little Wave people will probably need some revenue, don't you think?"

The way Kakashi stiffened told me that was probably true. I personally had spent too much time in the green-hellscape to know just _ how _true, but the visceral reaction wasn't a good sign.

"I'd be happy to give them to you…" Zabuza continued with a smirk, "free of charge."

Even I wasn't so ignorant to believe 'free of charge' meant 'completely free'.

From her position the girl watched us carefully, her pale chakra pool inching out further and further like a lake just iced. The action was hesitant and methodical- she wasn't in on this deal. 

"For what favor?" I piped up, ignoring the alarmed 'Sakura!' coming from the peanut gallery. By all rights I shouldn't've been the one playing negotiator, but at this point it didn't matter.

A sneaking suspicion told me Kakashi wasn't a part of this deal either.

An even sneakier suspicion said that this deal wasn't a deal at all, but rather a dramatic indulgence. And really, what were we going to say? 'No'? 

"It's a small thing…" He purred politely, "You just have to be Haku's playmate until it's time to go."

Haku blinked in surprise.

A sadistic dominatrix at the toes of a hardcore sub could've said 'playmate' with less leer.

"Define." I demanded, cutting Kakashi off from (hopefully) doing the same. 

The newly named Haku sent me an apologetic look at the same time Zabuza nodded in appreciation of my gall. 

I was starting to see something here.

"He means training partner," she explained gently, setting her tea cup beside the papers with a delicate 'clack'. Her entire demeanor was at odds with everything: Zabuza, the atmosphere, and the very distinct memory of Naruto praising her strength. "Zabuza-sama wishes to train you."

I turned to Zabuza, the half-assed picture starting to become clearer and clearer. 

"And why…" I hedged, leaning forward on my knees and feeling like a businessman who just got tricked into a thousand-year contract, "would you want to train me?"

Zabuza pretended to think it over, rubbing at his chin. 

"Well, you're interesting…" he started out, moving his hand to the back of his head. It must've been some character tick Here: men scratching at their head when they were feeling sheepish. To his credit, he didn't even blink when I motioned for him to continue, not at all believing his bullshit. "And… what can I say? I have a bit of a thing for pretty things with sharp teeth."

I deadpanned. 

Of course he did. 

"If and only if Kakashi is in reach at all times." I countered.

It really was a testament to how much of a dumbass I was that I could see his responding grin through the cloth.

"_Deal._"

  
  
  


**Hey, Wannabe? **

_ Yeah? _

**I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't want to make things worse, but since we're already screwed** **and you seem to make it your life's mission to hate me- I decided I might as well.**

_ What? _

**You remember when you interrogated Kakashi, freaked out, dissociated, and got lost in the woods because of the 'week to live' shit? **

_ … Vaguely. Why? _

**Well... I did the math. Between the 68-hour guard shift and Kakashi's 5 day recovery period... you had, at most, like, 5 more hours left before the deadline then.**

_ … _

**You freaked for nothing.**

…….

**And because I'm feeling particularly vindictive today due to some idiot's newest impulsive decision involving murder people and apprenticeships, your pretty playmate?**

_ ………… _

**He's a ** ** _boy_****. **

_ … _

_ SONOFA-! _


	27. Chapter 27

Far enough away to give a semblance of cooperation yet close enough to intervene if Zabuza decided to be a little less than friendly, let me tell you something: Kakashi Hatake was a _picture._ Specifically, he was the picture of a man that just realized that _not_ _only_ was his smartest little soldier only smart under very specific circumstances, but also that those very circumstances were apparently _heavily_ dependent on the other two dumbasses of the team.

With his hands laced comfortably yet tensely, with his knuckles resting gently on his upper lip and his body folded over itself on a rock trying and _ horribly failing _ to look like someone who _ wasn’t _ about to barrel across our wretched little training field at the slightest sign of ill intent- I could see _ everything _ as I hit the floor.

Our eyes met briefly in the air, and I could see it.

The realization.

The accusation.

The epiphany.

In those barest of seconds, brown met grey in a flurry of dust and despair- and I understood.

_ You’re only smart when others need you, _ his eyes said in dragging mortification. _ On your own… you’re an _ ** _imbicile_**_. _

I shot him a thumbs up as I made love with the forest floor. I think he flinched.

“Not bad, not bad.” My newest bad decision rumbled happily, like I actually did something worth praising instead of being beaten to a bloody pulp. While we had a general agreement going that there would be no murder swords allowed (if only for the sake of my mortality), let it not be said that the man needed it. I was pretty sure Zabuza was perfectly capable of being a living, lethal weapon as a _ multipalegic_. “You almost saw me coming that time.”

Coughing out whatever shrubbery that landed in my mouth, I shot him a glare.

“As if,” I grumbled roughly, shoving myself to my feet. The process was starting to become wobbly: everything from standing to defending to reapplying whatever chakra I could to wherever I could reach.

My use of chakra had become quite organic over the last few hours thanks to my newest playmate. Not because he was teaching me _ how_, of course, but because Zabuza Momochi was one fast motherfucker. 

One majorly fit, so very lethal, Flash/Dash/Quicksilver-hellspawn motherfucker.

There was no jutsu. There was no _ process_. Hell, at this point hand-signs might’ve as well been dead! If I managed a flow going before the sadistic bastard backhanded me, then I was already _ ahead_.

“You appeared behind me like motherfucking Batman…” I wined.

Zabuza laughed, sending shivers down my spine. His squinted eyes gleamed.

I’d be lying if I claimed that the manic glee that entered his eyes anytime I offered otherworldly refrences didn’t scare the absolute shit out of me, but fuck it all: it kept him interested. And Hatake’s welcomed vigil be damned, I _ was _going to keep this homicidal panther interested.

“This ‘Batman’ of yours as fast as me?” He asked, raising a non-existent eyebrow and firing alarm bells in my head. 

Both Inner and I braced ourselves as I shook my head. “Heh… not even close.”

One heartbeat and a breath later he was gone, his smothered, demented grin searing an after image against my retinas.

(-_shitshitshit where did he go where did he_-)

Instincts surged within me, ones I had never had to use before I became Sakura, ones polite society didn’t often touch-

(-_the hunter sees us he knows us knows where we are_-)

The jittering panic had almost become something I knew now, something I could think through. My heart leapt into my throat but my arms still moved where I wanted them to go- up to my neck, up to the easiest kill with the least amount of fuss-

(-_protect us defend us don’t go down without a fight_-)

I didn't have to ask for the power anymore. I didn’t have to reconsider retaliation after a defense. I wasn’t covering anything, I wasn’t defending. I was attacking. Hitting against the flash of murderous intent that materialized just to my right-

(-_the spike of cold, the brush of ice, follow that follow thatfollowthat_-)

A thunderous roar rang out as my fist met Zabuza met air met trees met bone.

His form exploded at the same time I doubled over: crashing downwards yet again as the original appeared on my right- kneeing me in the stomach and freeing me of whatever breakfast I had left.

_ Water Style: Water Clone Jutsu_. 

I wasn’t able to pick apart Zabuza’s core from his jutsu in time.

I could see Kakashi stone-cold frozen as I puked, acid burning up in my nose and inside my throat- torn between action and allowance.

I waved him off, scrambling to my feet.

Zabuza bore down me imperiously, arms crossed over his chest. “Your mistake?” He prompted in that low, gravely rumble of his.

I commited it to memory for… fantasies later.

Of the less than friendly kind.

I spat out the last of the saliva lining my gums, almost used to the metallic taste it was tinged with. “I assumed,” I panted out, “that one opponent meant one body.”

Zabuza nodded, pleased. 

Behind me, Naruto let out a painful groan. Part of me was vindictivly pleased that Zabuza and his protege had similar teaching styles. Most of me was still trying to figure out how the fuck I got the homicidal maniac and Naruto and Sasuke got the playmate that still had a friggin _ soul_.

But… 

I took in Zabuza in all of his entirety: from his body to his height to the years he had under his belt. 

The muscles wired around his arms were bulked and toned, speaking of years of use and service. His hands were rough, callused, and practiced. The dark, exposed skin of his chest had no scars. Underneath that his pants were roomy, fitted and bottom heavy- if he had other weapons aside from the murder sword like I suspected, I couldn’t tell you how many or what they were on sight alone. And given how many times I ate dirt so far, he probably doesn’t need to use them.

I swung myself into a defensive position, ignoring how much my body protested.

Zabuza was a killing machine, there was no doubt about that. But he was also a killing machine willing to bat around a couple of children without actually killing them because he wanted to play. Next time, we might not be so lucky. 

“Again!” I demanded.

Inner crossed herself like one of those old Catholics. 

**I'd like it on record that I didn't sign up for this shit.**

[Quick Authors Note/Question: Am I... supposed to be responding to the comments? Like, I read them. I totally do. Religiously, actually. Like. It's my only serotonin some days. But was I supposed to be commenting back? How does this work? This thing's gotten so long I keep forgetting it's my first fanfic on this site.]


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